Seeing Red: Applying the Red Car Theory to Overcome Betrayal and Infidelity

Insights and Strategies for Healing, Inspired by Matthew McConaughey’s Greenlights.

After my husband of over two decades declared, “I’ve met someone,” I was a shell of myself. Now that I am so far removed from the betrayal, some fascinating concepts still intrigue me as I work with clients to get on the other side of betrayal, too.

One fascinating concept is the Red Car Theory. Although I first heard of it in one of my many psychology textbooks in college, it wasn’t until Eric Edmeades discussed “White Van Man,” his version of the Red Car Theory, in his brilliant Hindsight Window Talk at A-fest years ago that I excavated this theory. I finally understood why I suffered terribly during my betrayal disclosures.

Understanding the Power of Selective Attention

During the initial shock of discovering betrayal in your relationship, your perception of your partner, yourself, and the entire world becomes altered and fractured. Understanding the Red Car Theory's psychological phenomenon can help illuminate the path to healing and empowerment.

Dr. Daniel Glazer, a clinical psychologist, provides a compelling description of this theory, explaining how once our attention is drawn to something—like a red car—we begin to see it everywhere. This…