6 Habits That Loving, Smart, Healthy Couples Engage In Often

Not everyone wants to be in a relationship, but out of those who do, these people want a fantastic relationship.

I don’t blame ‘em!

It takes time, effort, and intention to build a strong relationship, though. Long-lasting, healthy relationships are marked by habits that generate a fulfilling environment for both people.

Couples that utilize these habits are loving, smart, and healthy couples — or LSH for short.

Here are six habits LSH couples use to maintain and deepen their relationships:

Spend Uninterrupted Time With Each Other

LSH couples make it a priority to spend time with each other. Specifically, they spend time with each other without distractions.

That means they aren’t checking their phones constantly, turning on the TV (or computer), or otherwise thinking about anything else. Their attention is fully on each other.

This includes body language that indicates interest and engagement. Plenty of eye contact, friendly vocal tones, and turning towards one another are all key.

Does that mean couples can’t step away if something urgent pops up? Of course not. If you’re expecting an essential call or simply need to go to the bathroom, that’s not an issue. Simply stay focused on what your day is about in the first place — time with your partner.

It’s not unreasonable to address real life needs in the midst of romantic time. But it’s also crucial to designate attention, space, and depth for your significant other.

Without it, they may start to feel like a low priority in your life. That can produce a pattern of resentment or disengagement, which is hard to get out of.

Over time, LSH couples discover that they love spending uninterrupted time with each other. It becomes easier to make it a priority the more you do this intentionally and over a long period of time.

Recommendation: Set aside at least several hours one to two days a week for your significant other. If you’re engaged or married, consider two to three days per week. These are minimum times that can be increased if both partners desire to.

Listen to Each Other In The Good, Bad, and Ugly

LSH couples listen to each other, and listen to each other deeply. They want to be as close as possible to their partner and one of the best ways to do that is by listening often and listening well.

LSH couples create a safe environment for each other to open up in. They build this environment intentionally, knowing that when people are at their most vulnerable in healthy environments, they can be their truest selves.

Individuals in LSH relationships also evaluate how effectively they are contributing to this healthy environment. If they find themselves burnt out, sad, annoyed, or nervous whenever the time shows up to listen to each other, they take this seriously. They identify personal actions to take so that they can bring their healthiest self to the table for such crucial conversations.

Recommendation: Designate time with each other solely to listen, and understand what’s going on in the world of your loved one. Use what’s called global listening — or listening to understand and absorb, not to respond.

Laugh With and Celebrate Each Other

Another action LSH couples engage in often is laughing with and celebrating each other. These couples have so much to be thankful for and share with each other that their joy around each other overflows.

It’s long been said laughter is a foundational aspect of strong relationships. This is true, and LSH couples capitalize on it.

LSH couples laugh with each other, and never at the expense of one another. Fun ceases to be fun when either person is feeling marginalized, ridiculed, or shamed.

These couples also make it a point to understand the other’s sense of humor. One of the best ways to laugh together is understanding what the other person finds funny.

LSH couples don’t force or feel forced to laugh at everything else their partner finds hilarious. They are open to new experiences, but work together to find the experiences they both love — then jump into them often.

Loving, smart, healthy couples also celebrate one another. They get excited about each other’s achievements and back that up with encouraging words. They are thrilled when their partner does well at something and express this in various ways.

Such expressions can include gifts, cards, physical touch, public celebrations, flowers, or a favorite meal. LSH couples know they don’t have to be perfect in these areas, because making effort in consistent ways communicates love.

Recommendation: If you haven’t done this recently, ask your partner what kinds of things they find funny. Then, take them to a show or schedule some time to laugh together. You will have a blast. Remember, too, that some of the funniest times in life occur spontaneously!

Ask for Help When They Need It

An important area LSH couples are strong in is understanding their own limits. They aren’t under the impression that they can be or do everything, or perfectly meet their partner’s needs all the time.

Individuals in LSH relationships reject the lie that anyone can or should be perfect — including themselves. They work towards excellence but are mindful not to falsely equate being awesome with being perfect.

When an issue comes up in life, first they try to work together on it. Strong, supportive couples know that they need their own conflict resolution skills in order to enjoy a wonderful relationship long-term.

When the issue can’t be resolved between the two of them, they ask for help. Instead of getting angry, passive aggressive, or shutting down completely, they exercise humility and vulnerability. They invite trustworthy people into the conversation who can see things that they can’t see.

LSH couples speak with counselors, pastors, and trusted friends to get third party views on their relationship dynamics. They apply these individuals’ recommendations in earnest in order to rebuild the lack of trust or core issue that appeared in the relationship.

Recommendation: Identify at least one or two people in your personal world who you and your loved one can turn to when things get rough. Trust me — it’s not if, but when. Having a reliable source of wisdom and truth in hard times makes a HUGE difference.

Take Time to Understand What The Other Loves and Give It to Them

LSH couples recognize that they can’t know what their partner loves and enjoys unless they take the time to ask. No one is a mind reader.

As a result, LSH couples don’t punish each other for not knowing. Instead, they make conscious effort to understand their partner on increasingly deep and new levels.

These couples take time to learn what’s verbally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally significantly to each other. LSH couples crave the opportunity to build these forms of intimacy with one another and spend significant amounts of time on it.

Even more importantly, they accept that what’s significant to themselves may be different from what’s significant to their partner. They build a relationship where they have enough space to be themselves, but enough closeness to know and engage with each other.

As LSH couples discover their partners on increasingly deeper levels, they give to their partners in the ways that are most meaningful to them. They don’t stress themselves out trying to be perfect or lose sight of the need to love one another. They simply enjoy the process of giving and revel in it with one another.

Recommendation: Do something with your partner that they find enjoyable, lively, or interesting. Give yourself the freedom to enjoy it with them without expectations for yourself. Step into their world a bit and simply appreciate the moment.

Identify — and Uphold — Each Other’s Boundaries

Boundaries are one of the most important factors in relationships — and LSH couples know this on a deep level. LSH couples take the time to get educated about healthy boundaries in general, but also what their partner’s personal boundaries are.

Boundaries can be a difficult subject for many. Some because they have never lived with any; others because they live with too many. LSH couples don’t let the realities of human communication, families of origin, and personal wounds get in the way of good boundaries with each other.

On a practical level, LSH couples discuss what each other’s boundaries are by discussing each other’s needs. A need that has gone unmet is almost always the source of an unhealthy boundary.

For example, someone who grew up without enough love from a parent may respond in their adult years by having porous boundaries. This means they’re happy to hang out with just about anyone, any time. This can lead to exhaustion and overextending oneself if they aren’t careful.

On the flipside, a person who grew up in a highly stable, predictable environment may have some impermeable boundaries. This means they don’t let a lot of people into their “inner world.” However, one of their friends going through a hard time may need extra support for a while, but because of the firm boundaries, this person doesn’t offer the friend what they need.

LSH couples take the time to understand that boundaries aren’t always black and white, but they do need to be used in a healthy way to lead a healthy life. For example, LSH couples discuss their personal boundaries and find ways to agree on them for their relationship. They don’t hold their partner to unrealistic standards, but they also recognize that consistently unmet needs leads to the breakdown of the relationship.

Recommendation: Talk with your significant other about boundaries not just once, but on a regular basis. Ask them if any of their boundaries or needs have changed, and also feel free to share any changes of your own.