Do Dating Apps Work for Guys? 4 Problems and Solutions

Young men are experiencing a dating epidemic the likes of which hasn’t happened before.

As recently as 1970, there were 10 marriages for every 1,000 people in the United States.

As of 2018, that rate has plummeted to around 6 per 1,000 people.

That may not seem like a massive change, but it’s both significant and eye-opening.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

From 1990 to 2019, the number of single American adults between the ages of 25 and 54 grew from 29% to 38%.

Singleness has steadily risen in the US and continues to rise at about one to two percent every year.

Why does this matter?

It doesn’t matter at all if you’re single and enjoy being so.

But if you’re one of the 21% of people who have never been married and want to be, it’s most likely affecting your life to a great deal, perhaps even daily.

Last I checked, that’s somewhere around 30 million men who have never gotten married and still want to.

Most men who want to get married aren’t interested in the hookup life.

They either believe they could never get laid like that or they’re already smart enough to know that lifestyle is full of emptiness.

That still leaves a major problem.

They aren’t getting dates, or they are and they don’t know how to get noticed by the women they want.

Maybe you’re in the former group where you just aren’t getting any traction.

You’re on multiple dating apps swiping right all day, but no matches… or as soon as you send a message, she’s gone.

Or perhaps you’re in the latter group where you’re getting matches, and you’re starting a conversation, even going on dates, and still nothing quite clicks.

Or, you’re asking women out and never getting a call or text back after, or she’s all up in your texts but you just ain’t jiving with her.

What the heck is happening?

A lot.

Let’s get into it.

1. The Odds are Stacked Against Men

Let’s swallow the most bitter pill first.

When it comes to online dating apps, the odds are stacked against men.

Rounding up across major dating apps, 55% of people on the apps are men and 45% are women.

From the get-go, women have a higher percentage of potential matches to choose from.

Women are also likely to use just one or two dating apps at once, whereas men are more likely to use three or more apps at one time.

This means men must fight through more competition to even get seen by women, whereas women have a constant supply of men, despite the fact that women swipe right much less than men do.

It’s not uncommon for the average-looking woman to get 100 or more messages per day.

Getting noticed as a man in a woman’s sea of messages is becoming exponentially more challenging, unless you know what to do (and what not to do).

What’s the fastest and simplest way to tackle this?

Make your profile as original as possible.

Here are a few simple ways to do this:

• Make sure you aren’t smiling or looking at the camera in your main profile picture
• Have at least six photos on your profile, all showing a different part of your personality
• Avoid all of the worst bio mistakes — reciting facts, having the same interests as everyone else, and stating what you aren’t looking for
• Fill out most sections of your profile, but not everything — too little and it seems like you don’t care, too much and it seems like you don’t have a life
• Keep it lighthearted yet sincere — women like a guy who doesn’t take himself too seriously, yet knows what his purpose is

2. Social Media Has Changed Online Dating Forever

There’s another tough pill to swallow, and it’s all about social media.

Ever since the advent of social media, it’s been effortless to connect with people almost anywhere in the world.

That has caused greater visibility for millions of people…

Especially wealthy, powerful, well-connected people.

Given the biological female propensity for hypergamy, women (especially young women) have increasingly sought the wealthiest and most powerful men.

Social media predictably elevates the most popular and influential in our society, which magnifies the type of men women inherently find desirable and makes your average working Joe all-but-invisible.

Does this mean the typical man has zero chance of being seen by women he finds attractive?

No.

But it’s become much more challenging for him to do so.

That’s where specific, uncommon approaches come into play.

Men can still learn how to be the authentic and attractive version of themselves they know they must be.

But they have to level up in a way that’s not just authentic, but sustainable for every area of their lives.

Wearing better clothes and popping a breath mint or two can get you a date when you want one.

But it’s far from enough when you want to stand out and attract the interest of a woman who you may want to take things further with.

So what’s a man to do?

Here are some recommendations:

• If you’re already off social media, don’t join. This will create an air of mystery around you and prompt ladies to converse with you sooner, since they can’t find you elsewhere. Women love a man of mystery.
• If you are on social media, keep your profiles updated and authentic. The last thing you want is an app bio and social media profile that don’t match. She’s already looking to see if you walk the walk, not just talk the talk.
• Make sure your social media represents you well. You don’t want it to include 2am thoughts or only pictures from years ago. This shows that you put minimal effort into things, and if you’re going to land solid dates, you want to convey a consistent image (literally and figuratively).
• Post some pictures of you having a good time. It is social media, after all. Unless you’re truly all business, chances are she wants to see what you’re like outside of work and family. It’s difficult to convey you have the right kind of balance in your life if you’re only posting serious stuff.

3. People Don’t Play by the Same Rulebook

One of the trickiest and most invisible aspects of online dating today is the fact that there are more “rulebooks” than there ever have been.

Before online dating even existed, most people looking for a relationship had marriage on the mind.

As many as 36% of men and 14% of women say they’re using dating apps purely for casual sex.

More than one in five surveyed Tinder users said they’re looking for a hookup.

Don’t worry, there are still millions of people on dating apps looking for a serious, long-term relationship.

But man, if that doesn’t muddy the waters, I don’t know what does.

If you’re someone looking for a serious relationship and all you can find is people looking for the opposite, it’s a challenging time.

That doesn’t mean you’ll have this experience, but the likelihood of it happening grows every day… based on where culture is headed.

Of course, several apps including OkCupid still offer compatibility and interest quizzes, which count for something.

You shouldn’t base your real-world compatibility with someone based strictly on what an app tells you. After all, it’s a programmed application and you’re a human being–just like your date.

So, how do you convey who you are in a non-cheesy way while attracting the kind of woman you want?

It’s easier said than done…

Unless you know what to do.

You can’t be too blunt or factual, but you shouldn’t pretend to be someone that you’re not–or have goals that you don’t have.

There’s nothing that turns a woman off faster than a dude who’s faking it.

Conversely, there’s nothing that turns her on faster than a man who lives authentically to his core.

Yep that’s right, you heard me.

That is the ultimate turn-on for any woman who’s being honest.

Flashy cars, a big house, and endless piles of money will attract highly materialistic, shallow women, but they really don’t do anything in the long run.

Real women want real men, and real men show who they are through their lives and their values.

Communicating your values through dating app messages takes both skill and practice, which is why every man who wants to be married should learn it.

How can you do that from the get-go?

Here are some ways:

• Never say what you think she wants to hear. Women can sniff out a faker from miles away. Always say what you’re really thinking–she’ll see that and respect you for it.
• Don’t compromise your beliefs. Whether you’re a vegan, keto fanatic, love Trump or want her to Feel the Bern–or anything COMPLETELY different–stand behind it. It’s easier for a woman to respect a man who’s real about his perspective than one who’s taking her side just to seem more appealing.
• Don’t respond quickly. Women are looking for real relationships too, but that doesn’t mean they want someone who’s easy to obtain. If you’re already active with your own life, it shows you’re working towards goals, and that’s sexy. A man who replies too quickly seems needy and that’s a fast turnoff.
• Take the lead. I have yet to meet a feminine woman who wants to be in charge. Alluring, quality women want a man who takes the lead, plans dates, picks her up, gives her a kiss on the cheek, etc. Doesn’t mean you need to do all of these things all the time or even perfectly. You do need to take initiative, which is a sign of confidence.

4. Men Don’t Engage In the Same Social Habits as Women

Have you ever noticed how different men’s social media profiles can be from women’s?

Have you ever noticed how women tend to have more pictures of themselves and their friends, and update their profile imagery more frequently?

There’s a reason for that.

For many men, their reputation and standing with other men is often about their accomplishments and work-oriented status.

For many women, their reputation and standing with other women is about their appearance and social clout.

What does this have to do with anything?

Research has found that most women are higher in trait agreeableness than men, and most people who are higher in agreeability tend to be more social.

People who are more social naturally spend more time with other people, and this leads to taking photos with one another (and of themselves) more often.

So, this means women have a higher volume and a higher quality of photos than the average man.

The typical woman on a dating app has at least a few photos of herself from the past month and definitely multiple pictures of herself and with friends from the last six months.

This makes it easier for women to represent themselves accurately and attractively online.

The average man on a dating app has outdated pictures at best and pictures from more than a decade ago at worst.

Do you see where this is going?

The average man is completely unnoticed or downright unattractive to the typical woman because his pictures are garbage.

No chick wants to see what you looked like in junior year of high school, dude.

Perhaps your pictures aren’t that bad or that outdated.

Maybe you just uploaded a few pictures from three years ago, but they don’t convey you well or show your masculine side.

Any such scenario is bad, and you need to update your pictures ASAP.

So, what’s my point in all of this?

It’s that most men are woefully behind in how they visually represent themselves in apps.

Since women compete with other women on appearance and social standing, they’re always and instinctively upping their social media game.

Since men compete with men on accomplishments and other forms of status, they aren’t taking pictures of themselves as often, since they’re busy working. The exception to this is men who work in socially-driven careers or just naturally understand the importance of physical appearance.

Men who neglect or resist the need to have an attractive digital appearance end up getting pushed to the wayside, where other men swoop in and get the ladies.

Despite this, getting better pictures is one of the easier parts of the online dating game.

Here’s how to do it:

• If you have a tripod, you can take your own pictures. There’s no need to get dressed up and pay money if you don’t need to. If you have an artistic edge and understand what looks good in pictures, go for it.
• Use a few different outfits. Nothing says boring like wearing the same clothing in all of your photos. Your dating profile should show you in multiple contexts, with at least one of them being formal. Ladies appreciate a sharp-dressed man.
• Hire a pro if you need to or want to. If you’re not the creative type and want to make sure your photos come out marvelous, invest in a photographer. You can find a quality cameraman or woman for less than $500, and sometimes half that. A picture really is worth 1,000 words and you don’t want potential matches’ only thought of you to be a negative one.

If you got value out of this post and want to get all the strategies you need to effortlessly attract higher quality matches, I have good news.

I’m releasing a book later this year designed to help men attract great women and become the person their potential is calling them to be.

If you want a copy of that book before it’s released to the public, join me at Zero Nonsense Dating’s Ghost.

You’ll get the chance to provide feedback on the book as it’s being finalized, making it an invaluable personal resource for years to come.

Flip online dating on its head and attract the woman you’ve always wanted.