#22. How to disapprove with your learners in a healthy way

Classrooms are all about opinions and actions, and how we manoeuvre them to keep the environment healthy.

Let’s face it. Emotions are tough to control at times — one must be mentally strong and composed to deal with people, especially children, exhibiting diverse characteristics. That is why, the role of the facilitator is one of the most challenging. Even the most experienced facilitator can lose his/her cool when things go beyond control in a learning environment.

I learnt this the hard way. In one of my sessions, I lost my cool with a child, who was distracted himself and was distracting others in the classroom. He happened to be the ‘student marshal’, or the ‘class representative’. Emotion got the better of me; I asked him right in the middle of the entire class “Who made you the class representative? You must be a role model to all your friends, but they are not learning anything good from you.” The moment I said this, I knew I had made a huge mistake by hurting his self-esteem. Imagine how hurt we feel when our parents or our boss demeans us in front of our relatives, friends or colleagues! I realized my mistake and apologized to him immediately in front of the entire classroom. (I had to do something to not make it even worse!) At the end of the day, I learnt and more importantly internalized a very important lesson: “Never reprimand any child in front of his/her peers”. So what should one do?

Here is a simple checklist that I personally starting using since that day to keep me emotionally balanced and at the same time maintain decorum in the classroom:

How can facilitators show their disapproval in the classroom in a healthy way?

1. First and foremost, ensure that you have discussed and allowed learners to come up with their own set of rules or acceptable behaviors in the classroom. Rules IMPOSED are bad, but rules AGREED UPON by students themselves are indeed healthy. Enforce them seriously and consistently, for they were decided by children! (And ensure you follow them too!)
2. When rules are broken, try to understand the WHY behind it. Is it because of something YOU did? What made that child exhibit the challenging behavior?
3. Politely question them whether the behavior exhibited by the child was right or wrong, rather than exhibiting the ‘YOU ARE WRONG!’ attitude. This will give them an avenue to reflect and throw in a sense of ownership.
4. If the challenging behavior persists, control that instinctive outburst and have a one-on-one discussion with the learner instead of disapproving with him/her in front of his peers. More often than not, a one-on-discussion works wonders. The child will start trusting and respecting you more. It’s all about relationship building and the deep care that you exhibit in shaping the learner into a better individual.
5. During this one-on-one discussion, DO NOT compare the individual with his/her peers. Focus only on his/her character traits and strengths!
6. Continue to observe the learner in subsequent sessions and offer meaningful feedback and appreciation whenever appropriate.

I would love to learn more about this. Got a suggestion?

Oh, and showing appreciation is another topic in itself. We will look at it in the next post.