Spec-sheet Parrots and other categories of motorcycle reviewers

The bike review content landscape is horrible. Apparently anyone and everyone out there with an opinion feels the need to amplify their ‘expertise’.

Photo by Eranjan on Unsplash

Back in 2004, when I bought my first motorcycle, I didn’t really do too much research. There was a guy selling a well-used Yamaha RX-100 and I simply paid the money and took the bike. The decision was a no-brainer because it was (and still is) a cult bike among aficionados.

Then, a few years later, I was looking for something more powerful to tour on. I picked up a barely used 2004 Royal Enfield Electra from a bank auction. Simply put, it was a bike with great torque and REs have been India’s most popular touring machines for well over a few decades. Again, the choice was a no-brainer. Not only was RE a cult brand, but it was also one of the only bike brands at the time with that sort of torque, service network etc.

The RE served me well for the next 15 years. And a few months back, I decided I wanted to buy a new bike. I started doing the online research that most buyers would today. I looked up new bikes on sites like ZigWheels; I read up on specific models on Team BHP; and I started following motorcycle influencers (bike reviewers) on YouTube.

I’d say there are basically 3 categories of these reviewers.

1. Spec-sheet Parrots: They are essentially young folk who’re overflowing with enthusiasm on getting their hands on a new bike for a test ride. These are some content characteristics to spot one.

• They are usually calling out mundane specifications that may be found on any website and add no value to a potential buyer
• They think going on an unpaved road is “off-roading”
• They take pains to point out a “minimum rider height” for the bike — an unheard-of parameter
• They will rarely talk about a bike’s limitations
• They will waste time extolling ‘virtues’ like colour scheme and stickers
• Their video thumbnails and titles will often have phrases like “Don’t buy before you see this” and self-awarded “First on YouTube”
• They will begin or end with a discount code for a particular dealership

Unfortunately, over 90% of the reviews come from spec-sheet parrots and are just about impossible to avoid.

2. My-bike-da-best Travel Bloggers: These videos make up the second-largest chunk of useless motorcycle review content. As travel bloggers, their usual content comprises of destination guides, cinematic shots of landscapes and travel planning tips. Some are good, and some aren’t. And every so often, they stop to do a review of the bike they’re riding.

While some of these are perfectly acceptable in terms of real-world performance, most of them fall into either of the following categories

• Them cribbing to the brand about specifics and minor inconveniences
• Them talking about how their bike is an awesome machine capable of everything except time-travel

The only content that’s actually helpful to a potential buyer are when they talk about bike breakdowns (usually someone else in the group), what went wrong, and how it could have been avoided.

3. Experts: They’re the hardest to find because there’s so few of them. Their content is more talk and less show. Their videos don’t have cinematic shots of the bike and they don’t give you a discount code for watching. Instead, here’s what they do:

• They talk about a bike dispassionately. It’s a machine and a tool with a purpose. You’re not supposed to marry it.
• They talk about the bike only after they’ve used it for over a week
• They compare it to similar bikes in the category and ask you to check those out as well
• They talk about who it’s right for
• They tell you what they might tweak or add to make it perform better
• They talk about the engine, suspension and ride posture
• They give it to their friends to ride for a layman’s POV
• They talk about braking ability — not top speed

These are the guys who’ll use the spec sheet to break down the bike and talk you through the benefits, capabilities and limitations.

If you’re in the market for a bike, don’t waste your time on spec-sheet parrots and travel bloggers. Look instead for Mechanics, Journalists or old bikers. These are the guys who’re doing good solid bike reviews out there today.