9 Television Characters Destined to be VCs
Here at the Jerky, we often find ourselves engaged in a philosophical debate about what it means to be a venture capitalist, and more specifically a, a successful one.
I personally have encountered a large variety of VC personalities, which range from humble and personable, incredibly intelligent yet socially awkward (borderline retarded), complete fucking ass hat, douchebag central, overprivileged 22 year old with a rich dad who wants to play venture capitalist, really talented assholes and much more.
Therefore, I decided to apply some of these personas to some recognizable fictional characters from the theatrical arts (I mean TV).
Here are my top 9 TV characters, that could totally crush it (or suck) as a VC. Enjoy.
Sterling Archer (Archer):
For those of you who aren’t familiar, quit studying the writings of Plato for just a sec, and go watch some quality TV.
Sterling Archer, from the hit FX show Archer (super original title), is a mesh between a super spy, and a total asshole college brotato. He’s smart, athletic, and gives zero shits about anything and anybody. Archer is also super inappropriate with his sexual innuendo, but that doesn’t happen in the tech community, right?
Something tells be he’d fit right in at an Uber board meeting.
Peggy Olson (Mad Men):
The way Peggy dealt with the piles of human garbage that surrounded her at Sterling Cooper is probably not so far from what most women unfortunately have to deal with in the VC world these days. But Peggy is one stone cold iron maiden, who definitely knows her shit.
Throw in Joan Holloway (the redhead. Don’t pretend, you know the one), and you’ve got yourself a kick ass female led VC.
Mr. Peanutbutter and Todd (Bojack Horseman):
Ok, this Bojack Horseman duo would definitely crush it as VC.
For those of you who don’t watch the show, these dudes invested (obviously on the show, they aren’t real, idiot) in a number of absolutely ridiculous ventures including a Spaghetti Strainer Business that ends up saving the world, and a ridesharing app the offers sleazy men rides provided by woman that are ok with being harassed (a safe place for men who want to be inappropriate).
Both business are a huge success — looks like this dynamic duo were gifted with Forbes’ midas touch.
Carol (The Walking Dead):
In a former life, Carol may have let people control her, push her around. Not anymore. Her transformation into a complete urban ninja positions her perfectly to handle combative dealflow, cutthroat term sheet negotiations, and nitpicking preferences.
Make no mistake: Carol’s mastery of all the weapons of war makes her perfect at sailing the blue ocean of portfolio management.
Rick Sanchez (Rick and Morty):
Rick, from Rick and Morty, is the smartest man in the universe. He’s the master of picking dumb ideas apart, stripping you down, and shitting all over you, which is essentially what most VCs do. Also, he’s an interdimensional time traveler — something tells me this would be a huge advantage for a VC Investor.
Sing me up as an LP with RMVP (Rick and Morty Venture Partners. Dot com. Dot wwww. Dot net).
Taylor Mason (Billions):
There are so many potential VCs in Billions, but Taylor definitely takes the cake.
Taylor’s ability to look you right in the eye, and make you feel like a complete fucking idiot, even if all you said was “Hi”, is one that is only possessed by the highest ranking douchebag VC in the world.
Word of advice, don’t send Taylor your bullshit financial projections or fudged usage metrics — they (that’s the character’s preferred pronoun, right?) will cut you down like faster than Juicero’s squeezes a bag of juice (Well, in theory. That company is dead in the ground now. LOL. You suck, Juicero).
Walter White (Breaking Bad):
A common idea is that if you want to be a good VC, you should be an entrepreneur first. I say bullshit — you can easily learn how to shit on everyone’s ideas and gamble with rich folks’ money without getting any venture building experience.
But Walter White, wow, what a badass mofo. This dude built a major meth business — he’s the master of scale, disruption and innovation. Most of all, he’s a outright genius, and is completely fearless (later seasons’ Walter, not that pussy from the first one).
Could you imagine pitching him your “tinder for donkeys” app?
Cersei Lannister (Game of Thrones):
Say what you will about the brother-banging-casual-mass-murderer Queen of Westeros, you simply can’t refute her badassery — Bitch is ice cold.
Cersei possesses many common VC traits, like being a total dick, but she’s definitely all about the long game, constantly hedging, and always thinking about global expansion.
Definitely someone you want on your small council.
