Paint Me Like One of Your JSO Walls
If you don’t subscribe to my Patreon series of Retro Reviews (which you very probably don’t, if we’re being honest), then you will be unaware that I have recently moved to a small village in the Scottish Highlands.
When we moved in the decor was so grey that Anastasia Steele would have thought it a bit much and it was priority number one to splash some colour around. Two and a half months later we have finally gotten around to priority number one, and have painted a single wall in the living room orange.
Only when we had finished applying the second coat did we realise the shade bears a striking resemblance to the kind Just Stop Oil chuck over old paintings. So our lounge is now a protest against inaction on the subject of climate change, which I’m not all that mad about.
We watched Titanic the other day, from back in the day when icebergs where a relative rarity. If a super ship tried to navigate that same route now it would probably be like a slalom course (and yes, I’ve referenced Titanic solely so that the title makes a bit more sense).
While we’d been waiting for the second coat to dry we borrowed our neighbour’s little garden trolley and went to collect some old pallets from the industrial site (this is the kind of shit you get up to when you move to a small village in the Scottish Highlands and don’t have a car).
The only problem was that the trolley was completely busted.
It worked when there was no weight on it, but the presence of four pallets (we should have started with one and worked our way up, but it would have gone wrong either way), caused one of the wheels to fall off, and for two of the other wheels to reveal themselves as being hopelessly flat.
So we had to haul the pallets back by hand, which is a surprisingly tough workout for the forearms.
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The unknowable nature of the self
This introduction was originally going to be about identity, and how you can find the meaning in anything by aligning it with the values of the person you want to be.
If, for example, you want to be a quizzer, whose identity is curious with a desire to know things and understand the world, then you may well gain meaning and purpose and satisfaction from learning lists of facts, which might otherwise appear boring.
But I’ve been distracted all day by paint so I’ve been forced to write about that. My identity is orange paint and pallets — there is no room for complex discussions about the nature of what it means to be human.
For the moment though, I’ll have to clear it, because I have a quiz show to write about, and write about it I must.
UCL vs Open — 1st Round Match 2
UCL lost out to Imperial in this year’s final, which was the first ever London on London showpiece. It was the third time they’d been runners-up in the BBC era, having lost to Corpus Christi, Ox in 2005, and Manchester in 2005.
Open, meanwhile, have two series titles to their name, one either side of the Bamber-Paxman gap. Their victory in 1999 was spoiled by The Observer, who released an article with the headline ‘Open minds thrash Oxford’s brightest’ the day before the episode aired.
This blog post by one of the Open team is delightful and discusses the scenario at length. She wrote to the editor of the Observer and got this response.
I am so sorry about spoiling the final of University Challenge. I thought it was a good story and couldn’t resist running it, but vastly underestimated the number of readers who follow the quiz and were outraged at learning the score.
It makes matters worse that you, a member of the winning team, managed to keep quiet about it, but thank you for complaining in the charming way you did.
With hindsight I realise the story should have carried a health warning alerting University Challenge fans of its contents, but instead I can only apologise again. I am an idiot!!
Yours in sackcloth and ashes,
Roger Alton
Editor
If such a blunder caused this much havoc in 1999, imagine how much it would cause now.
Open and UCL are the country’s two biggest Universities, although the Open University has around 90,000 more students.
A match between the two smallest universities, according to 2019/20 enrollment, would see the Kensington College of Business, whose five students could just about form a team, taking on Waltham International College, which had a comparatively huge studentship of ten.
Here’s your first starter for ten
My girlfriend said that last weeks recap of the episode was “less boring than usual”, so I’m going to try and replicate that here.
UCL’s Mandel kicks things off with George Orwell, recognising him as the writer of the essay ‘Why I Write’. They take a couple of bonuses on Japanese cuisine, before Maving lands Interpol to open Open’s account.
A single bonus on the Mount of Olives follows, with one of those they miss relating to the ascension of Jesus, which they don’t know because typical secular understanding of the Bible ends at the resurrection. Like, we all know about the crucifixion and resurrection, but what comes next is completely missed out of a non-religious teaching of Jesus’ story. We all sort of know that he ascends to heaven at some point, but what does he get up to in the five weeks or so after the resurrection?
Barber takes the lead for Open with iodine, and they lose five points by giving Under the Yellow Sun instead of Half of a Yellow Sun on one of the bonuses. I would have lost them too by saying Two Halves of a Yellow Sun, but I was closer.
Payne recognises Graz for the first picture starter, and Open extended their lead to 35 points, before Mandel’s second 10-pointer brought UCL back into the fold.
Jack, having plucked sphagnum from the peat bog of his memory on an earlier bonus, takes his first starter with Stephen King, keeping UCL rolling.
Maving takes Open into triple figures with the music starter, recognising Run DMC within a few seconds, much to Rajan’s delight. Westermann cleans up on the bonuses, delivering Salt-n-Pepa with particular flair.
I had that typed as Salt-n-Peppa before I googled to check the spelling, which would of course be an excellent name for a Peppa Pig themed hip-hop tribute act. I’m sure I could get an AI image generator to produce something on that theme, but I haven’t reached the bottom of the barrel quite yet (still plenty of time though).
Cultural Relativism, courtesy of Prabhakar, keeps UCL within touching distance, but Maving doesn’t like that and pushes Open further clear once again. Westermann is rightly keen to get input from all team members on the bonuses, and her blue hair flicks with panache as she swings her head from side to side.
Her opposite number Holtermann Entwhistle also has a bob, and this also dances, but with slightly less bounciness.
Payne spots Puskas for the second picture starter, and he cleans up the bonuses with Lev Yashin, Socrates and Gerd Muller. I really should have said that they took a hat-trick there, shouldn’t I? What a missed opportunity.
A brilliant buzz of Sinead O’Connor from Mandel keeps UCL in it, but they guess the wrong Jane Austen novel on each of the bonuses.
The Butterfly Effect
They are 45 points down with three minutes to go, but another from Mandel slashes the deficit. A perfect set reduces it to 20, and a potentially controversial guess of butterfly made it 10.
Mandel, confident in the midst of a hot streak, buzzed early on the next starter, but shook his head immediately, prompting a stern rebuke from Rajan that he needed to answer as soon as he buzzes. Only before Rajan could finish telling him off he had said butterfly, so Rajan let him off.
So I’ve said it was controversial in the paragraph above, but I don’t really think it was — you just have to drum up controversy sometimes as a content creator, even if its not there.
Rajan was right to start telling him off — it was close to the end of the game and he was trying to be fair to Open. But Mandel also managed to get his answer out in a timely manner, so all was good on both sides.
They could only manage a single bonus though, leaving them 5-points adrift with one question to go.
On flags.
Whoever got this would win.
A nerveless buzz of South Africa secured a place in the second round…
For Payne and Open.
Open 190–175 UCL
Another awesome match, with a thrilling finish. Kudos to UCL for never giving up the fight, and they will surely be back as a high-scoring loser. Open, meanwhile, can rest easy in the knowledge they have already faced off against and beaten a really strong team, which will give them confidence going into the second round.
Thanks for reading, and join me next week for Gonville and Caius vs Bristol.
