Before I had kids of my own I had very strong views about children’s use of digital devices. I was always a little shocked when I saw kids on their parents’ phones in cafes, kids in the back seat of cars with iPads on their laps, and kids glued to the television when I arrived at friends’ homes for visits. I’d read some of the research and firmly believed that screens before two years of age was a big “no, no” and vowed to be scrupulous about screen time when I had my own kids. In 2010, I was involved in Reboot’s Sabbath Manifesto project and the launch of the National Day of Unplugging and became increasingly aware of the ongoing discussion about the changing role of technology in our lives and the struggle to achieve balance in our digital consumption.
At first, when my son, Rafael, was born in May 2011, screens weren’t really an issue. Books were the go-to activity. Music was next. Playgrounds were fun. Sure, my husband and I used our iPhones a lot for work emails, but for the most part we tried to be focused and present with our son in the time we spent together.
But when Rafael was 17 months everything changed. We were on our way to our hometown of Sydney, Australia for vacation and had 25+ hours of travel to occupy a newly walking, talking and very active toddler. Friends suggested we load up our iPad with Dora the Explorer, Bob the Builder, Leap Frog and some simple games. As expected our son was mesmerized. But he was still young, so the glazed eyes and complete fixation on the screen only lasted 10 minutes here, another five minutes there. We used the iPad as a distraction tool and it was helpful during the long flights and layovers. When we arrived in Sydney we put the iPad away and told Rafael “It’s only for airports and airplanes.” Who were we kidding? A few days later when he got sick, out came the iPad. And then my mother introduced him to websites — the Bob the Builder website, Spot website — sure there were coloring activities and matching games but it was still screen time. By the time we returned to the USA, daily screen time was in play.
Since then, screen time has been part of every day life for 3-year-old Rafael. Monosyllabic words signal the requests: “episode,” “TV,” “iPad.” I insist he asks in full sentences. At least he is still at the age when he has to ask permission. But I worry about will happen when he can operate everything himself? He already knows the iPad passcode and can successfully unlock it.
Although we’ve tried to restrict screen time at home (lists, charts, various grid systems, you name it…), inevitably there are those times where it’s helpful and welcome — getting ready in the morning, preparing meals, feeding my 10-month old daughter her dinner. And so I am in a constant battle with myself about the quantity of screen time, the quality of our non-screen time interactions, making sure he is doing other activities, reminding myself that I am the parent with the responsibility to guide and decide. Yes, I often feel guilty that on some days, I’ve become that parent — the one that lets their kid watch episode after episode because it is the most convenient thing to do.
And like many parenting choices and challenges, I’ve also come to realize that everything is a process, things are constantly changing and the screen time battles will likely continue and escalate over the coming years. So for now, I do my best to facilitate screen time in moderation (mainly in the early morning and late afternoon) and really appreciate our unplugged time together — going for walks, scootering, reading. And so on the National Day of Unplugging that’s what we’ll be focused on — putting our devices away, getting outside, chatting and having fun. I just hope Rafael is up for the NDU challenge!
The National Day of Unplugging is one day a year that encourages people to be mindful of the impact of their use of digital devices throughout the year. Find out more at http://www.nationaldayofunplugging.com/
