Winners And Losers: Chief Keef, Lady Gaga And Moonwalking Are Cool Again
The ‘Star Is Born’ soundtrack out-duels Quavo, Jon Gruden’s reputation seems to become more and more unsalvageable by the week, and more
The Internet moves at Ludicrous Speed, and it’s easy to miss out on the latest developments in popular culture. Therefore, the good folks at UNPLUGG’D will be doing a roundup in determining who “won” and “lost” the week. We only ask that you don’t take us too seriously — we can’t really quantify our metrics, and if we could, we would be stuck with the same winner every week.
Let’s begin!
Winner: Northwestern President Morton Schapiro
NGL: Morty, as he’s colloquially referred to around campus, stays winning. Even as his school operates on a $62.5 million deficit, close viewers of Game 1 of the World Series got a chance to see Northwestern’s president sitting in the Dodgers’ box suite with…Magic Johnson!?!?
I don’t care if the owner of the team is an NU alum. The fact that Morty was able to fly all the way to Boston and sneak his way into the best seat in the house proves that some people simply operate on a different playing field. This, too, after the time he sat next to Kanye at a Bulls game…
Winner: Chief Keef
Andrew Toban: Most would have thought that video of the floor breaking at that Clemson house party came courtesy of Sheck Wes, the current king of college party videos. But no, that glorious moment was soundtracked by Chicago native and certified legend Chief Keef’s “Faneto.” Not only does the fact he recorded this hymn in the first place make Keef a lifetime winner, but the incident is now making him money:
Plus, any excuse to bring back this picture means that we all won this week.
Loser: Floors
NGL: We would be remiss, of course, in not going into more detail about what sparked Chief Keef’s return to relevance in the first place:
Engineers are now inspecting how this even happened, but for now, we can confidently say that floors are overrated anyway. (Though many were involved, luckily none of the party-goers sustained major injuries.)
Winner: Kobe Bryant
Owen Guetschow: LeBron James missing two free throws after an amazing performance translated to fans across the league praising a player who’s been out of the game for two years. It’s hard not to be a winner when your stock is boosted that much without doing a thing.
Winner: Moonwalking
Sam Johnson: This.
This guy kills a 45-second dance routine to a remix to Michael Jackson’s “Rock With You.” I can’t moonwalk with my socks on a wood floor, so this guy doing it in basketball shoes on asphalt is all the more impressive. Still can’t figure out why the people in the background aren’t losing their mind. I know I would be.
Winner: Duke Basketball Fans
JGL: Duke basketball fans for getting to watch the Zion Williamson and RJ Barrett show (during exhibition games) until they’re inevitably booted in the opening weekend of the tournament.
Loser: Duke Basketball Fans
JGL: Duke basketball fans for getting to watch the Zion Williamson and RJ Barrett show until the former is inevitably suspended by the NCAA for infractions of the infamous Cam Newton rule.
Winner: ‘A Star Is Born’ Soundtrack
Jasper Ng: The ‘A Star Is Born’ soundtrack might be better than the movie itself, with Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper’s melodies hitting all the right notes for the top spot on the Billboard charts for the second straight week. Fending off Quavo’s ad-libs, the movie-album relegates the rapper’s first solo project, ‘Quavo Huncho,’ to Number Two on the list. Looking for a Billboard three-peat next week, the soundtrack will be going head-to-head with seasoned rapper Future and up-and-coming lyricist Juice WRLD’s collaborative mixtape ‘WRLD On Drugs.’ Who knew the raccoon from Guardians of the Galaxy had such a voice on him, though featuring Lady Gaga doesn’t hurt, either.
Winner: Daryl Morey
Karim Noorani: Rocket’s GM Daryl Morey is always making headlines for his outspokenness. Yet, Morey’s tweet on Spitgate didn’t need any words at all:
Rajon Rondo commented to ESPN on Tuesday that Chris Paul is a “horrible teammate.” NBA general managers aren’t normally allowed to comment on anything at all, really, but Morey posted a picture hours after Rondo’s comments of a black kettle and pot, discreetly referencing the hypocrisy of Rondo’s comments. No fine issued as of yet, so well done, Daryl. You win the week.
Winner: Jon Gruden
Jack Lido: Gruden has now picked up an extra two first-round picks in 2019 to go with his 10-year $100 million contract. You can get an updated tracking of the money he’s earned here. If the season ended today, Oakland would earn the 4th, 10th, and 17th overall picks in the 2019 Draft. When Gruden owns the entirety of the SEC after the 2021 draft, he’ll be laughing at all the haters.
Loser: Jon Gruden
Andrew Fenichel: Two years ago, the Raiders went 12–4, had a franchise QB, the Defensive Player of the Year, a top-tier wide receiver, and talent up and down their roster. Now, they’re arguably the worst team in football. “But they have three first round picks!” BuT tHeY hAvE tHeRe FiRsT rOuNd PiCkS. Great. Three more Kolton Millers. Gruden sucks. Plus, this happened:
Oh boy. Let’s move on.
Who do you think won and lost the week? Tweet @unpluggdwithngl and reply in the comment section below to discuss!
