Managing the Holidays: Tips for Guiding Your Recovery Through the Minefield

Between now and mid-February, your recovery will be walking through a minefield.

This week is Thanksgiving, a holiday that is supposed to bring together family and friends in a joyous celebration of all that we have. But what if we don’t have much? And what if our family is part of the problem?

Thanksgiving is followed a few weeks later by more of the same at Christmas (or Hannukah or any other December holidays). For Christmas, you are expected to give and receive gifts.

Then there is New Year’s when you are expected to stay out late, drinking with your friends.

If you make it past New Year’s, you feel you are home-free, but then, there is Valentine’s Day. This holiday is wonderful if you are in a supportive and loving relationship. But how many people in early recovery have that?

Usually, we are working on the realization that our substance use and addiction have blown up many relationships, and we are still sifting through the wreckage.

Risky People, Risky Places, Risky Things

We have already identified that the Holidays are “Risky Things.” How many of our friends and family members are “Risky People?” How many family homes are “Risky Places” because of the memories?

1. Ask yourself: do I really need to go to that family or friend gathering; do I really need to spend time with these risky family members or risky friends? What is the worst that will happen if I don’t go?

2. Are there other safer people I could spend the holidays with?

3. If you want to avoid too much flak from family, maybe schedule a “fly by”: “I can only stay for an hour, I have somewhere else I need to get to,” Or

4. Bring a “wing person.” Someone who will watch out for you and signal it is time to leave when they see you being triggered.

5. What if you held your own holiday dinner(s) for your safe friends? You don’t need to cook a turkey or a ham. If they are really friends, you could order pizza and everyone will be happy.

6. What if you send people handwritten cards with honest sentiments instead of presents? What if you asked people to donate to a charity instead of receiving gifts that you might not be ready to receive?

7. Or maybe stay home by yourself, order take out and binge watch Friends (RIP Matt).

8. For Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s, local AA and NA groups usually host parties that last all night. For New Year’s you could go out but remain safe.

If you do the same thing you have always done (attend that risky family gathering), you will get the same result (relapse).

Maybe this is the year to try something different.