Illegal Movies
6 films THE MAN doesn’t want you to see
Sometimes, the story behind a movie can be more interesting than the movie itself. This is because filmmakers can be a passionate bunch, and if a few copyrights have to be broken, a few places have to be trespassed upon, or a couple of people have to be kidnapped by a ruthless dictator and forced to shoot rubber-suit monsters, they do what they have to do.
Today we’re looking at six movies that broke the law, and giving a verdict if the movie stands on its own as a work of entertainment .
1. Wizard People, Dear Reader
The Crime: Copyright infringement.
Wizard People, Dear Reader is essentially a humorous retelling of the first Harry Potter movie, created by changing only the audio, but keeping the visuals the same.
The Verdict:
Does this movie stand on its own? Yes. I have seen Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, but remember so little that I had to Google ‘first Harry Potter movie name’ just now. Wizard People, Dear Reader, however, I have watched at least 30 times. Brad Neely plays an obsessed narrator who cares way too much about the lives of boy wizards, but not enough to get their names right. It is filled with lines that, on paper, have no earthly business being funny, but when voiced, layered and overenthused become inexplicably hilarious.
The whole movie is in this YouTube playlist, if you want to be a lawbreaker. ★★★★★
2. Escape From Tomorrow
The Crimes: Trespassing, filming without a permit, trademark infringement.
Escape From Tomorrow was secretly filmed inside Disney World without permission. It’s subject matter and location were kept secret until its film festival release to avoid the wrath of Disney lawyers.
The Verdict:
Is the movie as interesting as the production techniques? No. I don’t… I don’t get it. People keep describing it as a horror movie that takes place at Disney World, which would be awesome, when in actuality it’s just about a guy being creepy to women and neglecting his children while occasionally having single-second CGI hallucinations that don’t relate to the movie in any way. The hard work that went into pulling this off should have been a triumph, but when the movie’s hero is just a creep drunkenly leering at strangers, it makes the whole ‘filming people without their consent’ thing uncomfortable.
Watch the trailer here. The movie is available on iTunes, and Disney has remained silent on the matter. ★☆☆☆☆
3. The Thief and the Cobbler: Recobbled Cut
The Crime: Unauthorized use.
Master animator Richard Williams worked for decades on his magnum opus, The Thief and The Cobbler. Williams poured his heart and soul into the film, animating complex scenes that look like modern CGI by hand. The animation was so revolutionary that it changed the industry before it was even released. And actually, it never was. Due to an ill-advised completion contract, Williams lost control of his film. It was taken away, hacked up, and finished by a holding company who released several rushed, awful recuts under the titles “Arabian Knight” and “The Princess and the Cobbler.” Wanting to see the actual film, fans worked tirelessly to get as much original footage as they could and reedit their own version of the film as closely as they could to Williams’ vision.
The Verdict:
Was it worth recobbling? Yes. While the film still has its problems, it is so much better than Arabian Knight or The Princess and the Cobbler that it is justified. While the film jumps from finished animation to pencil test, it isn’t as jarring as the supposed ‘completed version’ where lush 24fps animation would suddenly become sub-Hanna Barbera. And once again the mostly-mute main character is briefly voiced by Sean Connery, who was replaced by the holding company with the constant rambling of Matthew Broderick (despite the fact that his lips never move and no one else responds to him) You can sometimes understand why the holding company wanted to make it more marketable- the visual inventiveness is the star of the show, as opposed to the story, but an inventive mess is far more fascinating than a market researched one.
Watch the trailer here. (and find the whole movie in the related videos, if you’re a thief) (or a cobbler) ★★★★☆
4. This Is Not A Film
The Crimes: Propaganda against the regime, violating a court order.
After ruffling feathers with the liberal views in his movies, Iranian Filmmaker Jafar Panahi was placed under house arrest and banned from making films. So he made a film about not making films and had it smuggled to the Cannes Film Festival inside a birthday cake.
The verdict:
This is a hard film for people to review. Is it important that this film exists? Yes. Is it a brave act of rebellion? Yes. Is it worth seeking this film out for the purposes of education or entertainment? Nnnn- no. Jafar cannot talk about the political situation that put him under house arrest. While the film did it’s job in getting people to talk and learn about his situation, that’s all homework for you after the credits roll. What it becomes is a portrait of a bored man who just frigging loves making movies. He talks passionately about the movie he wishes he could be making, but since he is not legally able to give the film he is making a structure, a narrative, a backstory, or an interview format, I found myself wishing I could watch that other film instead.
Watch the trailer here. The movie’s easy to find, it’s Jafar’s butt on the line, not yours. ★★☆☆☆
5. The Sweatbox
The Crime: Unauthorized release.
Making The Sweatbox was not illegal. Disney encouraged it. Part of the deal they made with Sting when he signed on to score Kingdom of the Sun was that his wife could make a behind-the-scenes documentary about the making of the film. They figured what the heck, it could be a special edition dvd feature or something. But then, things got crazy. If you’re wondering why you’ve never heard of Kingdom of the Sun, it’s because it doesn’t exist. The troubled production went down in flames, became a hot mess, and Trudy Styler captured every minute of it on camera. Animation fans clamored to see the documentary evidence of Disney’s mismanagement and creatively bankrupt meddling, but Disney decided no one ever needed to know, and the film was shelved forever….. until someone leaked it.
The verdict:
Disappointing. Not because the film was bad, I quite enjoyed it, actually, but because it denied us all the schadenfreude our imaginary concept of the film had promised us. Disney are actually the good guys in the story. The film was actually, dare I say- inspiring, for godsakes. Jerks. They took a huge risk, lost a lot of money, and burned a lot of bridges to take an overstuffed, tonally confused retread and start all over again from scratch. And the movie they got out of it, The Emperor’s New Groove, may not have been the blockbuster smash they’d hoped, but it was awesome.
No trailer. You’ll have to haunt some shady corners of the internet to find this one. ★★★☆☆
6. Pulgasari
The Crime: Kidnapping, false imprisonment.
We cap this off with a film filled not with crimes against the man, but perpetrated by the man. Kim Jong Il. Even though his subjects could be put in gulags for watching international films, Kim Jong Il was a huge movie buff, and had his own theater. He often wished that North Korean films could be as good as South Korean ones. So he took the only logical next step. He had his favorite director and actress (who happened to be married to one another) kidnapped, brought to North Korea, and imprisoned. After a year, he told them if they ever wanted to see one another again, they would make a movie for him. Pulgasari.
The Verdict:
The weirdest thing about this story is that for all the international laws he broke and human rights he violated, you’d think ol’ Jong Il must have had an amazing movie idea in mind. Nope, he forced them to make a rubber suit monster movie. What’s even weirder is that after the director finally escaped, you’d think that the powerful experience and newfound freedom would lead to an amazing film. Nope, the only film he directed after that was 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up. This is the most amazing story I have ever heard, and only crappy movies came out of it.
That said, Pulgasari is actually kind of fun. Kind of a period kaiju film that plays out like a Aesop fable. I recapped it in comic form here.
Watch the whole movie here. It’s illegal, but not as illegal as kidnapping. ★☆☆☆☆
Not enough? Here’s 4 more illegal movies!
Written by Ryan Estrada.
Read more about obscure, international, and independent movies that are new to you every Friday at Unseen Screen. Also available on Tumblr.
