Thursday, 16 March: Positive, productive and purposeful dammit!

2 days into morning meditation and feeling better. Must combat this anxiety! I meditated on ‘letting go’ and tried ditching anxiety, fear and worry up and out of my head! The last few days (whole bloody week, I mean!) have been up and down and I am over being a yoyo, waiting for some news from someone to decide if the yoyo is up or down! Yes, I’m thinking of Buddhist teachings and susceptibility to the trick of leaving your happiness up to everyone else. This will never work and has ruined so many relationships for me! A lot of it was their fault though ha ha.

I wrote three big words on a small post-it note after my meditation and am going to try my hardest to be these three things all day: positive, productive and purposeful. Writing this again just now made it feel too big but fuck it, I’m the three P’s today!

The problem with not working is that it sucks the motivation out of you. It’s so damn hard to be the three P’s when there’s nothing pressing to apply it to! But… I am going to continue to look for work and not wig out when 4pm hits and the phone hasn’t rung. Yesterday I reached for a beer at 4pm but today I will not–I will go for a walk and at least feel that I am in control of the size of my bottom.

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