Saturday, 18 March: Friday nights are not what they used to be

Last night consisted of drinking a bottle of wine in bed and chatting on tinder whilst watching ‘Inside Amy Schumer’ on Stan. Wauw, my Friday nights are so super cool these days… This is because:

· I can talk to strangers in a sexy way without following through

· I can ignore people the whole night

· I don’t have to wear lipstick and spend half an hour perfecting my eyebrows

· I don’t have to avoid dinner so I can squeeze into my skinny jeans

· I don’t have to spend $13 on a glass of wine (I can buy 2 bottles for that!)

· I can cry for no reason

· Eating chips after dinner isn’t judgey

· Pausing TV to masturbate is perfectly normal and encouraged

I don’t think about my married friends at all on these nights. I’ll just have to wait until they get divorced before they ask me to go and have a drink with them. But, with nights like these, who gives a shit?! And I’d probably definitely possibly even say no!

Maybe I should follow through on these tinder propositions… is it just me or are the thoughts of sleeping with complete strangers part unthinkable and part completely hot?