What “Having your Sh*& Together” Really Means

It happens all the time.

You see a friend or acquaintance for the first time in years.

They have a great job. Just got engaged. Go to spin class 5 times a week. Perform with their improv troupe on the weekends. And find time to volunteer with organizations helping underserved youth.

Okay. So maybe that exact person doesn’t exist.

But that’s my projection of what life would look like if I had my sh*& together.

When you see people like that? What’s your first reaction?

“Wow — that person really has their sh*& together.”

But the truth is — that’s just what appears on the outside. On the carefully curated social media platforms.

What are they really feeling? You have no idea. Maybe they’re caving under the stress. Maybe they’re dealing with some other personal issue.

The point is: you don’t actually know.

They might be doing fabulously. They might be struggling like the rest of us. But projecting that their lives are perfect doesn’t actually help any of us. In fact, it makes us feel way worse about ourselves.

So what does “having your sh*& together” really mean?

Here’s a little illustrative anecdote:

Back in December I got laid off from a dream job.

I was traveling the world. Helping others make their travel dreams a reality. I got to make my own schedule. I had access to communities all over the world. I was on a team of incredible humans.

On the outside — things looked good.

People would tell me all the time — “how do I get your job?” or “I wish I had your life!”

And they weren’t wrong. And I’m by no means complaining here.

But the truth was? I was miserable. I couldn’t take the stress. I was working crazy hours. There was no room for professional growth. There was a lack of “psychological safety” which I didn’t even know was a thing until they told me about it.

After I got laid off, I updated my instagram bio accordingly:

30. Single. Unemployed. Overweight.

I felt it captured the nature of my current circumstances.

By societal standards, I decidedly did not have my shit together.

Concerned friends reached out to check in. Are you okay? Why would you be so self-deprecating in public? You’re definitely not those things!

And while I definitely am those things, I’ve learned something extremely valuable in the months since my layoff:

Having your sh*& together is more about how you feel internally than how you’re viewed externally.

I’m fortunate to have had enough of a cushion to take some time to reset.

And I’ve used that time to plunge into areas of interest for me. Side projects that I never had time or energy for while I was working (#this). Conversations with people about ideas and movements that excite me. Creating a side hustle and building tools using skills that I kept waiting for companies to allow me the opportunity to use.

Because really — isn’t it absurd that we spend so much of our careers waiting to be allowed to do the work we love? The work we’re already capable of doing?

The point is: I’m more professionally fulfilled than I’ve ever been.

I’m engaged — I’m excited about the possibilities for the future. I’m exploring. I’m connecting. I’m learning. I’m moving in a direction and I have clarity on the issues in the world I want to solve, even if I don’t know exactly what that will look like just yet.

My instagram bio says that I definitely don’t have my shi*& together.

But internally? This is the first time I’ve felt clarity. This is the first time in so long I’ve felt excited to wake up and learn and explore.

And yes — I’ll need an income. And I’ll find one. (Shout out to any cool orgs working at the intersection of the future of work and the future of education!)

And yes — not everyone is fortunate enough to do what I’m doing exactly the way I’m doing it.

But if I drive any point home, it’s this:

Having your sh*& together isn’t about how the outside world views you. It’s about how you view yourself. It’s about how you feel.

Because at the end of the day, who cares if some rando you met 4 years ago but haven’t talked to in ages thinks you’re doing great?

They’re not living your life. You are.

As long as you’re finding ways to be engaged, to be excited about what you’re doing (either in or outside of work), and having things to look forward to — that’s what having your sh*& together really means.