I’m sick of never being somebody

or something

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

I’m aware that the concept of being something or somebody is subjective. Rather like poor or dumb. We think they’re easy to measure, but they’re totally based upon our current internal and external environment.

So I know I’m in a bad mental space when I think like this. But it’s still right now undeniably true.

I’m probably halfway through my life and whilst I’ve done a lot, I still feel like I’m a child in oh so many ways.

I’ve lived in 6 different countries and visited over 70. I’ve fallen hopelessly in love and had my heart broken more times than I can count. I’ve gotten married in an embassy to a man I just met and I’ve become a parent. I’ve dived the Red Sea, bathed in the Black Sea, and fallen in love on the turquoise coast. I’ve taken ecstasy in a church and acid on the beach. I’ve lived in a commune and a party villa In Ibiza.

I’ve had more life experiences than most people I know.

But I still feel like I’m yet to start life. And this is very much down to what I have accomplished outside of life experiences.

I’ve had great jobs. Steady jobs with decent salaries but never been 100% committed to any of them. I oscillate between wanting to be held in high regard and realizing that I couldn’t give a shit. And…