Your Friend, Criticism
…making it your best friend
Most of the times we treat criticism similar to a dark force, a sharp attack of words that steals away happiness from our life momentarily. However, if you know how to properly deal with criticism, it can be your friend and can help you improve yourself and your skills significantly.
How many times have you faced a situation, when you have anticipated some appreciation for your work, but actually got rewarded with some criticising words? A lot, I guess. These type of situations can actually have a negative impact on your life and work and can reduce your work performance by a significant amount. Therefore, it’s essential that you learn to deal with these situations before they start breaking you from the inside.
Frankly speaking, I have faced such situations a lot. From family members to strangers, and a lot of people in between, criticism has always found out its way in meeting me. Initially, I got depressed every time I was handed with some criticising words, but as I grew old I started realising that I need to do something about it.
And so I did. I started dealing with criticisms. Now, when it comes to dealing with criticisms there can be two ways, one that you simply reject it and don’t pay attention to it, and the other that you make use of it to make yourself better. Both of these techniques can be helpful, you just need to decide which one to use depending on your current situation.
Understand first, then act
Let me explain this a bit. The first technique is to simply avoid the criticism. To follow this technique you need to develop a thick skin against criticism. Don’t bother about it. Carry on your other works without letting those criticising words haunt you. This won’t be an easy task, and you might fail to avoid criticisms initially, but once you get in the swing of this thing, it would be piece of cake.
However, this technique is only recommended in case of destructive criticisms. So, before applying this technique to handle criticism, you first need to identify whether it’s a destructive criticism or not. Destructive criticisms are often characterised by irrelevant or false statements which are generally made to offend you, hurt you or hamper your work.
Some examples would be “you can’t do this thing, it’s beyond your capability”, “these things won’t get lead you to a better life or get you anywhere”, “your work is absolute trash”, “you are a bad person” and so on. One more thing to notice that these words will generally come from the mouth of a stranger or your competitor, who might not be very much happy seeing you do well.
I still remember some inspiring words said by Chris Gardner to his son for handling criticism, in the movie named The Pursuit of Happyness.
“Don’t ever let somebody tell you, you can’t do something. Not even me. You got a dream you gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you, you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it.” — Chris Gardner
Try to engrave these words in your mind so deeply that destructive criticism can’t even touch you. I did this right after I saw the movie. You should do it too.
Now coming to the second technique. This technique involves analysing the said words and if they seem helpful then following it to improve your skills or behaviour. This technique is recommended and often proves to be helpful in case of constructive criticisms. Constructive criticisms often come in form of scolding or reprimands, from your teacher, mentor, parents or boss. These types of criticisms are meant to help you get better in a certain task or act as a signal to improve yourself. You must listen to these reprimands carefully, analyse them and then act accordingly.
Some examples would be “you need to work harder”, “you can do better than this, try to improve”, “your performance wasn’t up to the mark, and you need to gear up” and so on. These words are not meant to hurt you, these are meant to guide you.
Let’s take my story for an example
A few years ago, when I was an active writer at a popular online magazine named Hongkiat.com, I got an email from one of the editors named Singyin Lee who was reviewing my article at that time. It stated that my writing style was not meeting their standards and that I needed to improve my writing style to match theirs or else they won’t be able to publish my articles anymore.
I was to some extent disappointed seeing this email. Also, I started cursing her for not understanding my writing style (in my mind though) and also told her how could I match my writing style with theirs. I made my mind to finally tell her that I won’t be able to make any more changes in the article. However, before sending the email, I thought to read it once more. After reading it with a cool mind (since I had already decided that I would stop sending my articles if they didn’t accept my writing style), I thought not to send her the email right now and to try out what she had suggested.
In the email, she had clearly pointed out my mistakes and where I needed to improve with some examples. I missed out the essential points the first time. Why? Because my mind was too captivated by the first paragraph which criticised my articles to have paid fine attention to her worthy suggestions.
I opened up the draft copy of my article, did some more research on the topic, made some improvements which she had suggested and tried to add more value to the article. Guess what? My article got accepted and published. I thanked her for spending some time from her busy schedule to find my mistakes and guide me, and apologised for my offensive behaviour.
So, in this case I used the second technique of handling criticism. As a result, my writing standard has significantly improved than what it used to be. Therefore, the next time when you face such a similar situation, before messing things up or avoiding the criticism, try to analyse it, learn from it and then act accordingly not hastily. One habit that you must develop for handling these constructive criticisms is being ready to learn from everything.
“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” — Frank A. Clark
Not all criticisms are bad, you need to just sort them accordingly into constructive and destructive criticisms and then use the above techniques to handle them. Do this, and no criticising words shall ever harm you again.
Please remember, that you will need some time and effort to develop the habit of applying these above mentioned technique, so you might start practicing from now. Here’s what you can do. Recall your past incidents when you had been criticised for your work. Check whether it was a constructive or destructive criticism. Think what you would do now, if you face such a situation again. If any of those criticising moments ask you to improve yourself or a particular skill, then do it. Make the most of the opportunity.
Feel free to share your experiences with me by leaving a comment below. Also, if you have tackled criticisms in the past then do let me know what you have done. I would be glad to hear your story.
