Receiving Feedback Effectively is just as Important as Giving it
Learning how to give feedback is an important skill to learn, something I’ve talked about here and here. However, learning how to receive feedback is just as important, if not more important. One of the key things I’ve noted from the reading I’ve done from feedback is that very often learners don’t know what to do with the feedback and/or don’t act on it. So with that in mind, here’s some tips for learning how to be a more gracious and effective user of feedback.
If you know you’re going to be getting some feedback in advance, then you have a chance to prepare:
Before
· Blocks (Are you aware of the things that you must stop?)
During
· Be grateful, say thank you.
· Do you understand the feedback and why it’s important to the person who gave it? If not, ask for clarification.
After
· What opportunities will changing your behaviour create and how will this change improve you?
· Is the behaviour to be changed closely tied to your personality? If so, are you willing to change your personality in order to improve?
Next, use a simple 2x2 matrix to organize the feedback you receive. Your categories are expected/unexpected and on target/off target. The first is self-explanatory. The second refers to the things you are already doing well and need to keep doing (on target) and the things you need to improve (off target). So you end up with the following:
Expected-On Target: This is the stuff you know you do well because you’ve already heard it many times.
Expected-Off Target: This is the stuff you know you aren’t doing well. It may be that you’re stuck and unsure how to proceed to fix it.
Unexpected-On Target: This is the stuff that comes like a present we didn’t know we were going to get. After the initial warmth fades, examine that feedback further to make sure you fully understand it.
Unexpected-Off Target: This is the stuff that’s the hardest to take. However, it can also be the source of the biggest gains — if you’re open to it. It is quite likely you will feel strong emotions and even get defensive if it is things you don’t want to hear.
Finally, consider the story you tell yourself when it comes to interpreting another person’s feedback to you. The story you tell yourself about the feedback determines whether you will see it negatively and become defensive or see it positively and stay receptive.
1. See bad things as temporary and changeable
2. Avoid absolutes around bad things (“This always happens to me”, “I never get a fair shot”)
3. Be accountable with bad things (Don’t lump all the blame on yourself or anyone else but allot it appropriately)
4. Distract yourself using behaviour modification (e.g., an elastic band around the wrist that you snap when not doing one of the first three things)
5. Discuss and dispute with yourself the story you are telling (“I’m blowing this out of proportion”)
I’ve mentioned already that I don’t think feedback should also be called constructive criticism. Feedback is information designed to help close a gap or confirm that a learner’s performance is correct and should be maintained. It shouldn’t be negative or positive in its affect. However, the person receiving could perceive it as negative if, for example, one or more of the tips listed above aren’t followed. When you deliver information to a learner that is positive in its affect, you are delivering praise. So praise and feedback are two different things. Let’s talk about praise the next time around.
