Relationship stress and COVID-19: three types of communication to consider
These are anxious times: it’s okay to talk about it and it’s okay to not have the answers
As the weeks of social distancing and isolation roll on, it’s important to find silver linings — no matter how thin the lining might be. One positive presented to us by our new collective predicament is the opportunity to establish (or re-establish) connections with loved ones.
Parents who would otherwise be juggling careers and taxiing their children to and from soccer can now spend time with their kids watching Netflix or playing a boardgame. Friends who had lost touch on account of busy lives finally have the time to meet up for an appropriately distanced walk. And partners who haven’t made the time to work on their romantic relationships recently now have the space to do so — albeit in a confined space.
But the chance to reconnect with loved ones will undoubtedly be overshadowed at times by the looming anxiety and stress that come with living through an unprecedented global pandemic. These feelings can create difficulties for lovers wanting to consummate their love. So how do we overcome our existential dread and get in the right headspace for love?
Communicating feelings of stress is at the same time the simplest and most challenging way of resolving relationship issues. With something as complex as communication, it helps to break it down into different ways of communicating. A recent academic article published in the United States highlights three categories of verbal communication of stress.
General or neutral explanation of stress
This category of communication involves describing the objective facts of a stressful situation without emotion and without offering or seeking a solution. “I’ve lost my job”, “my mother is at a high-risk of contracting COVID-19”, and “I have underlying issues that make me susceptible to pulmonary illnesses” are all fact based descriptions of what’s causing stress.
Acknowledging these facts to a partner is a healthy way of describing what’s going on without conveying emotion. It’s also important to establish these facts without the partner automatically offering advice. There’s no easy-solutions to these feelings. And having a partner who’s too quick to offer solutions can be counterproductive.
As a partner, it’s important to allow for acknowledgements of stress without dissecting them. In time, it is appropriate to take responsibility for these feelings and take steps to mitigate them. But as a first step, acknowledging stress without judgement is an effective way to bring partners closer together.
Emotion-focused stress communication
Once facts are established, it’s important to address the more subjective feelings of stress and their impacts. This involves describing emotions felt as a result of stress. “I’m feeling anxious, worried, fearful” are all ways of helping your partner understand the depths of what’s being experienced. Here too, there is a need for non-judgement and avoiding providing solutions. These are complex emotions that can’t be addressed by one single action — so don’t pretend like there is one. Sit back and allow these feelings to be expressed.
Problem-focused stress communication
Despite the importance of listening without offering solutions, there will come a time when it is appropriate to support your partner in finding ways to mitigate feelings of stress. There are practical and tangible solutions to de-stressing. If your partner has lost their job, taking steps like updating their resume, searching for jobs online and applying for those positions help realize the opportunities that might be out there. Exercise is another proven method of limiting stress. Find an at-home workout video to follow, or better yet, go outside for a run or walk. Taking responsibility for stress and doing something about it can reverse stress into feelings of empowerment. And having a loving partner support you in the process can do wonders for relationships and the individuals involved in them.
Establishing open lines of communication between you and your partner can help to lower stress and create a mood where love is abound. When the mood is right, engaging in sexual activity can be another effective way of alleviating stress. The endorphins and hormones released during sex are mood boosters unto themselves. And the closeness and emotional connection that can be fostered during sex can only serve to further decrease stress. Of course, one must be in the mood for sex before they can reap the destressing benefits.
Stress can prevent both men and women from becoming aroused. For men, this can take the form of erectile dysfunction (ED). If communication, exercise and improving one’s diet still aren’t enough to create a mood for sexual intimacy, men can seek medical treatment. Advances in telemedicine allow for virtual appointments with medical professionals who can diagnose and treat ED and other sexual performance issues.
Being in close proximity with loved ones in the time of the Novel Coronavirus is providing us with an opportunity to reinvigorate relationships that were neglected in favour of busy lives. Communication and intimacy are ways to strengthen relationships with partners. And it’s in times like these where we need our loved ones most.
