Sexual pleasure and sexual health
What it means and how they go hand-in-hand
It can be hard to arrive at a definition for things that most of us experience. Sexual pleasure for example isn’t something that you would think needs defining — we know it when we feel it. But to take sexual pleasure for granted risks overlooking a part of sexuality and sexual health that deserves as much attention as any other topic in sexual health.
Of course, something as varied and subjective as sexual pleasure can be hard to pin down. Everyone experiences sexuality differently. We all have different preferences, needs and wants that won’t be the same for everyone.
There might not be a neat-and-tidy definition for sexual pleasure, but we can and should come to a least a broad understanding of what sexual pleasure is and what makes it possible. Thankful, the Mexico City World Congress of Sexual Health of 2019 made a joint declaration on the importance of sexual pleasure that helps put the goals of achieving sexual pleasure into context.
Some of the most important components of sexual pleasure are things we can all agree are important. Self-determination, consent, safety, privacy and healthy communication are all factors that contribute to sexual health and well-being, as well as the ability to experience sexual pleasure.
The last factor — communication — can often be the most difficult for many of us. Cultural and social expectations can make direct communication about sexual wants and needs uncomfortable. In order to be comfortable and ready to enjoy sex and sexual activity, it’s important for both partners to be able to trust each other that neither one has a sexually transmitted infection (STI). Having that conversation can no doubt be difficult, but without it, becoming relaxed with and trusting of your sexual partner is rendered challenging.
When you do feel like sex is safe, and you’re in a consenting and respectful situation, you can move onto things like asking your partner to give you what they want. This will then allow your partner to share with you what they want. Use direct communication before, during and after sex to talk about where you like to be touched, how you’d like to be touched, and anything else that will help you have a more pleasurable sexual experience.
It’s also super important to make sure that there is a high-level of trust between partners when it comes to consent and privacy. While one partner might be comfortable with certain aspects of sexuality, there must be mutual respect around these aspects. You should definitely ask for what you want and need in the bedroom, but that must be balanced with accepting that your partner might not want or be able to do what you’re hoping. No matter what, if one partner is feeling uncomfortable about any aspect of sex, they have to feel like they are in control and have agency in the the sexual relationship.
At the end of the day, there are no “rules” when it comes to sexual preferences. What one person may be comfortable with and enjoy might be completely different from the preferences of another. So long as all parties involved feel safe from infection and violence, and you can communicate about them respectfully and effectively, sex can be a highly pleasurable experience no matter how much or little you share in terms of preferences.
Also, don’t forget that masturbation is an important part of sexual pleasure. In fact, sometimes experimenting while masturbating is the best way to find out what it is you like so you can share it with a partner. And if you are in tune with what makes sex pleasurable for you, and you’re with a partner you can safely share that with, you’ll be one-step close to making sure sex is a great experience.
