When a Creator Disappoints
When someone has a strong online presence and is famous, particularly when their fame is exclusively online, it is easy to feel more personally connected to them than with a celebrity who steers clear of social media. Watching someone on YouTube or on Twitch for hours a day can feel like becoming close friends with them. It can be difficult to realize that people you feel close to perpetrate a pattern of abuse.
Finding out someone you feel attached to in this way has harmed others can cause many emotionally-charged reactions, and it is normal and okay to have a range of feelings about the realization.
Disbelief
The inability to believe that someone could have caused harm is often an emotional defense mechanism, and you might find yourself pushing the knowledge aside before being able to process. You may be tempted to believe them over the person that they hurt, because you feel you know them better. Studies suggest the likelihood of a false account is around two percent, and that in most cases victims do not benefit much from coming forward, except perhaps in gaining some peace of mind. It’s important to treat yourself with compassion during this time and recognize how difficult it may be to learn of past abuse.
Grief / Sadness
It’s possible you may feel a sense of loss when you find out someone isn’t the person you imagined them to be. It’s okay to feel sad about this shift in how you view them. This can be made harder if it was someone you may have idolized; it can be helpful to take time to recognize that they are still human and are not exempt from making mistakes.
Confusion
If someone you look up to causes harm to another person, it can be tricky to figure out how you feel about them or their body of work, if they’re a creator. You may feel guilty for not knowing sooner or for supporting them during the time the abuse took place. Everyone approaches this question differently; take time to understand and process what has happened and how it has made you feel. In some cases, you may be able to separate what you have enjoyed about them from the harm they have caused. In other cases, it can be important to stand with the survivors by cutting ties. It’s up to you to decide how you will move forward.
Anger
You may feel angry, perhaps at the individual or at the societal structures that enabled the behavior. Anger is a natural feeling when losing a connection like this, and it’s okay to feel it, but be aware of how you express it to yourself and others.
Letting yourself feel all these emotions can lead you to eventually finding a way to cope with them, and there is no correct time frame in which to process these feelings. It may be useful to talk it over with a friend or a therapist. It may take some time to accept the change in how you perceive this person, but it gets easier.
Further Resources from Uplift
- Responding to disclosures
- Fan / Creator relationships
- Power Dynamics between fans and creators
- Meeting up IRL
Uplift is dedicated to combating sexual abuse in fandom spaces through education and advocacy.
We work to ensure that these flourishing communities are safe for the millions of people who connect through them. Learn more at uplifttogether.org.
