How to Grow Kids’ Impulse Control and Response Inhibition
Impulse control and response inhibition describe the ability to stop and think before acting. Students with impulse control challenges may blurt out responses or start work before planning. They’re likely to rush through homework without checking it. They may quit a task halfway through to start other activities, or have difficulty using class procedures consistently. At home, kids may leave belongings strewn on the floor, interrupt conversations, or seem to disobey directions.
But aren’t these just typical kid behaviors? To some extent, that’s true. Impulse control and response inhibition are key executive function skills, higher-order thinking and planning skills that children and adults use to learn and manage daily life activities. Executive function develops rapidly between birth and adolescence, then plateaus. This means that parents and teachers of young children can positively impact kids’ lives by understanding and supporting the development of executive function skills. The goal of developing impulse control and response inhibition isn’t to develop perfectly behaved kids, but rather to give children the benefit of positive control over their responses and behaviors.
How can parents support kids’ impulse control and response inhibition?
Impulse control and response inhibition are two ways to refer to the same set of skills. Parents can help kids develop these skills in several ways:
Wait time. Toddlers can develop patience by waiting to be handed a toy or a snack. Focus on extending wait time when children aren’t overtired or especially hungry. For most kids, that’s not first thing in the morning or right before bed; mid-morning to mid-afternoon may be best when introducing new waiting behaviors. Verbalize waiting by telling a child, “Yes, you can have a snack. Give me a moment or two. You play here, and then you can meet me at the refrigerator in a minute.” With older kids, don’t allow them to interrupt conversations or give them what they’re asking for immediately. Instead, let them know you’ll help them in a few minutes. Building up a tolerance for waiting has several benefits beyond developing impulse control. For example, a child who’s used to waiting on their own will more often figure out a way to meet their own needs independently. The ability to wait independently lets kids manage frustrations and be more aware of others’ needs.
Metacognition. If a child expresses frustration, rather than giving in to their needs immediately, name how they might be feeling. “It sounds like you’re feeling annoyed. Is that right?” lets a child develop vocabulary for their feelings. Parents can also name their own feelings: “The parking lot is so much more crowded than I expected. That’s frustrating, but I can park over here on the edge and just walk. It will be fine.” Kids who can name their feelings can more easily manage them in socially positive ways.
Games. Small children will enjoy “Simon Says” or “Red Light, Green Light” as a way to practice impulse control. Older kids develop these same skills through board and card games, like Uno or Sushi Go.
Stacking Routines. This anticipatory parenting approach helps create routines that build kids’ executive function. To create a stacked routine, anticipate the next few steps in a child’s day, such as putting on PJs, reading a bedtime story, and brushing teeth. Next, intentionally “stack” steps in an order that alternates preferred activities with less-preferred tasks. For example, you might ask a child to put on their PJs, put dirty clothing in the wash, brush their teeth, and then get in bed for a story. Putting the most-preferred activity at the end — and verbalizing for kids what the order will be — lets them overcome impatience and delay gratification in ways that build impulse control.
Positive reinforcement. Look for times when a child stretches their abilities successfully, waiting longer than usual to ask a question, or responding calmly to waiting for a snack. “Thank you for waiting! You showed so much patience in the store,” helps kids notice and grow a conception of themselves as able to wait.
Children who practice impulse control and response inhibition have an easier time learning in classroom situations when they begin school. Sitting on the rug for circle time, waiting to answer a question, or managing a step-by-step schedule all become easier for kids who’ve had the opportunity to develop these skills at home.
The previous piece in this series introduces executive function skills.
Katharine Hill, a learning specialist and parent educator in private practice at upnext.nyc, has written about learning for The New York Times.
