Former people pleaser but still failing to be assertive.
So you’ve finally made an effort to eliminate that people-pleaser side of you when you realized that people can see right through you and despised being labeled as a people-pleaser. Or you’ve been disrespected so horribly in the past and you went, ‘Yep! can’t take this shit anymore.’
Now, without living in denial, let’s just come to terms with the fact that we do need approval even after chanting ‘I don’t care what other people say’ a thousand times. But there is no limit when it comes to reaching the highest level of stoicism. This need to be liked is injected into our system in small quantities, even if you are the most stoic person in the room. Like many other lessons in life, this too is a learning pattern that constantly needs a check-in, or else we will relapse. Learning to be stoic and ditch being sycophantic.
Now, coming back to former people pleasers, let’s say on your first day at work you made a great impression on your colleagues, boss, and subordinates, and this continued for the next couple of days. However, on this one day, you had to show your assertiveness when a person was being inconsiderate. Now you know that this is the time to show your authoritative side but you’re not sure how you should be presenting it, and then you waste your time curating the right sentence to sound polite yet authoritative. But it’s work, and you can’t go on without being assertive, be it towards your boss or subordinates.
Even for former people pleasers, it is a challenge to kill the vibe of the party, especially if you are the life of the party. To put it succinctly, it is easier to stand up for yourself with your friends and acquaintances who’ve known you as a people pleaser because you want to prove them wrong. But in a fresh new environment, when you’ve received a warm welcome and left a favorable impact on them, it is always tricky to assert yourself.
