I’m a Feedback Bully, Are You?

I recently referred to myself in a development conversation with my leader as a “feedback bully.” I push hard for feedback because it is so incredibly important. It’s how we learn, how we improve, how we develop. It helps us see ourselves in a new light. From the minutiae (I have an “um” problem when presenting), to the strategic (there are 2 ways to look at this thing, and you’re only focusing on one of them), all forms of feedback are useful in their own way.

Here are a few tips to help yourself get the feedback you need:

Tell People You’re Open to Feedback

I realize that this is incredibly obvious, but it is still worth saying. Not all people are open to feedback. Some get defensive, some aren’t focused on it, some think they don’t need it. If you want to make sure you’re getting feedback, you have to tell people that you want it. Giving feedback is hard (it’s actually a totally different skill-set than receiving feedback), and if you don’t think someone wants it, it’s very easy to just let it go. So it’s on you to make sure people know that you’re truly seeking feedback, and want to continue to grow.

This does not mean you have to be open to feedback every second of every day. If you just got a bad haircut, stubbed your toe and spilled coffee all over your shirt, that’s probably not the right moment to ask for feedback. And when you’re in the right mental space to receive feedback can vary significantly by person. For some, that’s immediately after the meeting. For others, it’s after you’ve had time to process your own opinion before being ready to accept others. But your leader won’t know what’s best for you unless you communicate that to her or him.

This doesn’t have to be a production, it can be a quick “hey, I know you want to chat about this right now, but could we set up some time do it tomorrow instead?” That’s a totally reasonable ask. And then it’s on you to set up the time when you’re ready to make sure that you connect. Because whatever they have to say, you do want to hear.

Don’t Ever Think You’re Wasting Someone’s Time

A leader’s job is to support his or her team. It’s part of what makes someone a leader instead of a manager. Yes, there is also work on their plate, and yes, it is important to be cognizant of their schedule and probably not set up time 5 minutes before they’re going to leave for vacation. But the rest of their time is fair game.

A part of a leader’s job, and arguably the most important part of their job is to help you grow. If you’re not getting what you need, and you do not feel supported, you will not do your best work, and the team will suffer. Your company hired the best version of you, and should be there to help you be that person. If your weekly meeting doesn’t cut it, add more time. Communicate why you need the extra time (I want feedback is reason enough!), and set it up.

At Upside, every leader has at least a weekly meeting with each of his or her team members, and that can be a great time to discuss feedback. If you and your boss don’t jive; that’s not ideal, but it happens. Seek out another person at the company that you do work well with and ask that person to help mentor you. It is an incredibly flattering request, so don’t be too shy to ask. All that matters is that you get the feedback that you need.

Know Your Development Areas

There are a lot of ways to assess yourself, and your work performance. The advice that I follow came from a mentor early in my career who told me to focus on only 3 areas at a time. 2 should be things you’re already good at and 1 should be something you don’t do as well.

I have always found this helpful because it doesn’t try to make you into someone else, it starts with who you actually are. I am a marketer, I am not an engineer. It doesn’t mean I’m not interested in understanding more about our product, but it’s likely not going to be one of my development areas to become an expert in Python (which I had to google for the purpose of this example).

My current development areas are:

1. Flex my business development muscles. I am good at building and expanding relationships, but I haven’t done as much outreach and initial engagement to launch a partnership from scratch. I need to take the skills I already have, and learn how to use them in a different way to build out a portfolio.
2. Find balance in my director role. At the director level, you have the responsibility for both the day to day execution of work, and the overarching strategy of your team. It’s a tricky balance that often swings too far in one direction or the other. I am working on finding the middle ground on how to do both. I have been a director for almost 2 years now, so am getting the hang of it, but it’s still an area I’m working on.
3. Learn how to forecast a payment set-up. Finance and payments are an area that I struggle in, but is also incredibly important in what I do. In order to launch relationships, there’s often some financial modeling involved that I’d like to know how to do better.

I am not embarrassed or ashamed of any of these areas, and in fact, I want people to know them. If my leader and my team know about these areas, then they can help target their feedback to help me grow.

It is a strength to admit your own needs. It is important to share them. It’s how you can get the right support, and put the right plan in place. My team uses OKRs to set our goals. My goals and my development areas are in sync in order to make sure that what I want to learn and what I’m committed to deliver work in tandem. If they’re not connected, then something is missing on one end or the other.

Collaboration Station

Feedback can come from a lot of sources, and some of the most important ones are your peers. They see you in the day-to-day, in scenarios when your leader might not. They have a wealth of knowledge in what you are doing well or could do better, and you should also see them as a great source of feedback.

While the traditional leader relationship has feedback (hopefully) built in, your relationship with your co-workers may not. It’s helpful with them to both ask for feedback (see point 1), and to be specific with what you’re asking for.

“Did you think I was vocal enough in that meeting?” is a lot easier for a peer to answer than “Can you constantly give me feedback?” You can ask for both, but make sure you’re reinforcing with a specific ask to keep it top of mind.

And share your development areas with them. If they know what you’re working on, they’re more likely to keep an eye out for it, and give you helpful feedback.

Peers can also help you refine your goals and development areas. Yesterday, I was considering taking a course in an area where I thought I had a knowledge gap. I reached out to a friend who has a wealth of knowledge in that area, and she told me that she didn’t actually think I was looking at the right knowledge gap. From her experience with me, there was a more narrow area that I could use help in, another course that would likely be more beneficial. The truth of the matter is that sometimes we see ourselves, and sometimes we just don’t. Peers are great to help you know where to focus.

Know Thyself (By Asking Others)

Along these same lines, a 360 feedback survey can also be a helpful tool here to give people a time and a place to provide feedback. Last year, I realized that I was having a good conversation with my leader about feedback, but not my team. So I built a 3 question survey, and asked a group of people that I work with (not just my team) to anonymously answer the questions.

They weren’t complicated questions (What do I do well, What could I do better, What else do you want me to know), but they gave me a lot of insight about how I was perceived. One of my peers told me that as a virtual employee, my messages were sometimes getting lost in the Slack shuffle, and I should share more widely. Over the following months, I started posting my announcements across multiple channels, and tagging more people to make sure they were seen. A few months later, I sent out a new survey, and was told that I was doing a great job at making sure people were in the loop on my work. Check and check.

The anonymous element can be helpful as well. It can also mean that people can say things they wouldn’t otherwise (survey trolls, I see you, and I reject you), but you have to have the wherewithal to weed the constructive criticism out from the negativity. And if you work in a positive environment, my experience is that the vast majority of the responses will be framed in a helpful manner. People want to help you; they just need to be reminded to do it.

TL/DR:

Asking for feedback is hard. But it’s worth it. There are a ton of other articles out there with other tips on how to ask for it, but whatever way works for you, make sure that one box on your daily to-do list is to grow.

Are you craving more feedback in your life? Upside is hiring! Check out our careers page for current postings.