Comic Skits
By Steven H and Dominic T, 12 years old
Workshop: It’s Your Thing, Kate Reuther, Winter 2017
The Job Interview
MR. ESTER — A man with an over the top French accent hiring for a job that involves illegal work.
WILL — A confused candidate for a job opportunity.
MR. ESTER: Hello, you must be our next candidate, Mr. JOHNson. This job is sweet and simple, we would like for you to unload boxes of…(stutters)..Stuff. That’s not like it’s only legal to sell in South America, but you must you must make sure that you do not look in it. (MR. ESTER and the WILL walk past men in radiation suits who are making drugs and illegal items.)
WILL: Wah, why can’t I look in it?
MR. ESTER: It is cursed, the power of what is in those crate is far beyond the knowledge of human beings.
WILL: I’m sorry, did you say that it is cursed?
MR. ESTER: No, I said it was a flirt.
WILL: So why can’t I look in it?
Mr. ESTER takes out a gun and shoots WILL. MR. ESTER’s other employees drag the dead WILL away.
MR. ESTER: Next candidate please!
CRAIG: Hey, my name’s CRAIG, I’m here for the job interview.
MR. ESTER: Hello, we have a very specific set of standards here, we’d just like you to unload crates for us.
CRAIG: Okay, that seems goo — oh my God, is that a dead body?
MR. ESTER take out a gun and shoots CRAIG. Two men drag him away.
MR. ESTER: Next candidate, please!
JOHNNY: Hello.
Mr ESTER: Hello, my name is MR. ESTER, the family name, yes I’m him.
JOHNNY: It seems like a fine establishment you have here.
MR. ESTER: Oh thank you, you’re just too much, har, har. (MR. ESTER’s laugh)
JOHNNY: Hey, those are dead bodies in the corner.
MR. ESTER reaches for gun, but is interrupted by JOHNNY.
JOHNNY: That’s pretty rad, man.
MR. ESTER: Rad?
JOHNNY: Yeah man, you’re like the Heisenberg, you get rid of your employees who pose a threat to you.
MR. ESTER: You know, I really think I like you as my employee.
JOHNNY: Yeah, I like it here too …(smiles)… wait, haven’t I seen you before?
MR. ESTER: No, we’ve never met.
JOHNNY: No, I’m sure I’ve seen you before.
MR. ESTER: I don’t think so.
JOHNNY: No … wait! I know (half smiling) I’ve seen you at the Jonas Brothers concert!
MR. ESTER shoots him and he falls dead. Two employees drag him away.
MR. ESTER: Next candidate please!
END OF SKIT
THE MOVIE PATRON
JOEY (walks into the theatre and bumps into a bunch of people): Es-scuse- me!
JOEY: (to everyone around him) Hi, my names JOEY. I told my wife that I had to work late at the office tonight, but I decided to go to a movie. Star Wars? What type of name is that? What are there stars who get into wars? Like, (does low voice) Hey Pluto, you know this be my turf! I like to hang out at this spot near the Sun! POW! POOM!
The audience shoosh him.
JOEY: No, but yeah. My wife thinks I’m at the office right now. You see I work at the Staples. It’s a great industry of … papers.. and computers… and staples! Ah-ah-ah-ah!
The audience shoosh him again.
JOEY: No, but if my wife were to find out where I am right now. Ah-ah-ah-ah!
The audience shoosh him again.
JOEY: Woah! Look at that laser gun. Did your mother make that for you on your lunchbox and write “I love you” on it (louder) Ah-ah-ah-aaaahhh! Wo-ah Joey, you’re on fire tonight with the jokes-wooo!
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Shut! Up!
JOEY: Hey man! You kiss your mother with that mouth! Wait, you already kiss your mother regardless! Oh-ah-oh-ah-ah-ah!
ANOTHER AUDIENCE MEMBER: Would you be quiet!?
JOEY: Nobody asked for your input, or for you to be on earth at all! AH-BA-BA-BA
BA-BA-BA-BAAA-BAAA-BAAAAAAA!
ANOTHER AUDIENCE MEMBER: Hey, that’s mean!
ANOTHER AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yeah!
Everybody starts throwing popcorn and hitting JOEY.
JOEY: (crying) Hey, stop that! Okay!? Okay!? I took my hard earned night off to see a movie and when I get there… (stops crying) wait, this is the Star Trek?
END OF SKIT
THE FAKE ID
It’s 8 in the morning and instead of high school, a boy named FLOYD wants to get a fake ID in order to go to a cool night club.
FLOYD: Man, screw school, this is going to be way cooler.
FLOYD walks down the empty road just passing the school bus, children look at him as he walks by.
FLOYD: Chris should know what to do, this guy has gotten into plenty of nightclubs oh yeah, he’s 36.
FLOYD walks into a store, “Chris’s misses!” CHRIS sits at his desk in a smelly shirt, and ripped jeans.
CHRIS: Oh hey, it’s, uhhh, it’s, umm, Frank?
FLOYD: Well, er, it’s actually Floyd, we’ve been through this a million times!
CHRIS: Oh yeah, heh, right. So what do ya want?
FLOYD: Well, I was wondering if I can get a fake ID.
CHRIS: Ok, John follow me this way.
FLOYD gets up and follows CHRIS into a photo booth.
CHRIS: Ok, what do you want your name to be?
FLOYD: Well I was thinking of something, how about George White? I’m 6’6, I weigh around 250 pounds, my eye color is green and like my hair is, like, red and stuff. I’m also 21 and got my ID from Canada.
(Clearly not matching the description, CHRIS sighs and takes the picture)
CHRIS: Well there you go, pal. Uhh, I guess have fun
FLOYD leaves the store, looking at his ID and proud of himself.
FLOYD: Hello, Mr. George White.
(FLOYD hears somebody behind him)
STRANGER: What?
FLOYD turns around and sees a rather huge man matching the ID description: tall, looked kinda heavy, green eyes, and red hair.
STRANGER: Did you just say my name?
FLOYD: (in shock puts away his fake) No, no, of course not.
GEORGE: You stole my ID you little bastard!!!
FLOYD starts to run and eventually loses GEORGE.)
(A zoom in on GEORGE, showing him holding an ID)
FLOYD Baker
Height: 5’11
Weight: 145lbs
Eye color: Brown
Hair color: Blonde
Colorado
END OF SKIT
THE LITERAL WISE-ASS
On cheesy super 8 film, text reads:
Fredricks Brothers
Uncensored Specials for Kids
presents:
Why Not To Be A Wise Ass — Vol. 128
JOEL: Hey pal, got a light?
DONNY takes out flashlight and flashes it
JOEL: No, I mean like for smokes.
DONNY takes out flashlight that is smoking and on fire
JOEL: What are you, a wise guy or something?
DONNY puts on glasses and starts smoking pipe and looking interested
JOEL: You wanna fight or something, kick some respect into you. Let’s fight.
DONNY puts on boxing gloves and starts jumping around.
JOEL: No, I mean just you and me, no boxing gloves. Yeah, what’s the matter, you scared? Grow a pair.
DONNY takes out a pear and points at it
JOEL: Cut that out!
DONNY takes out a pair of scissors and cuts the pear.
JOEL: Whatever show you’re doing, I’m not a fan.
DONNY takes out a old manual fan.
JOEL: Oh, that’s nice (JOEL punches and knocks out DONNY out).
JOEL: That’ll teach you!
Cut to black
A MAN IN A SUIT: The footage you just saw was based on a true event and was not exaggerated at all. This can happen to your child, or you, child, (points at camera).
Dragnet theme plays
END OF SCENE
Uptown Stories inspires kids to to discover and develop their inner voices in a diverse community of writers.
Based in upper Manhattan, we offer small-group writing workshops for children ages eight to fifteen, led by master teachers and professional authors. To ensure our workshops are accessible to all children, tuition is pay-what-you-can. Uptown Stories creates an exciting, challenging, and supportive community in which young authors thrive. Find out more or donate to support our mission.
