Hi I’m Johnny, and I could have died on Monday.
Examining 'Johnny' by Falz, the Nigerian Police, and the Nigerian Situation
I’m Johnny – and I could have died on Monday.
Fair warning, this is not a conventional piece. This could have easily been my death story. It sounds overly dramatic, I know, but it’s the truth.
The time is 2:12am. I should be sleeping right now, but I’m not. So I may veer off course while you read this, but stay with me, I'll get back on track. I need this…I need to vent. This is the only way I know how.
Falz’ album dropped at around 1am. I had a very long day, but I can't seem to sleep. I know why, though. Something happened a few hours ago that’s been replaying on and on in my head all evening. But I will get to that in a bit.
Nowadays, opening the Twitter App is almost a reflex action. You close the app because you're bored, and you open it 5 minutes later and check your notifications because you’re bored etc., you know the cycle, that's not what this is about. So I open the App, and the very first thing I see is about Falz' new album, 'Moral Instruction' being out. I go on Apple Music, and there it is. Perfect.
First track- 'Johnny'. My default nickname lol. If your name is John or Mary, you know we've suffered a lot over the years, with our names constantly used as the moniker to anything male or female related. It can be really annoying. I’m veering off again, my apologies.
I hear the 'JJD' Fela Sample and I smile. Fela samples/interpolations are to Nigerian Artistes and Musicians as Autotune is to Trap Music, used poorly, and for musical content without depth. But I remind myself that this is Falz, someone who more than most, has actually spoken out on wax. And sure enough, a few seconds later, I swallow my words and chide myself for being so impatient, for being so Nigerian. Because Falz went OFF! Effortless slick storytelling, no pun intended. (Again, no pun intended. Hip-hop joke.)
But this isn't a happy story - quite the opposite, actually. This high tempo instrumental will dilute the tragedy of the story, if you’re not listening properly. I see why Falz used this beat as his album opener. If they won’t listen to you on regular 'boring' Hip-hop beats, speak the truth on trap beats they relate with, similar to what J.Cole just did on KOD (even if people still call it boring lol).
This Johnny’s story. It sounds like a day in the life of Linda Angela Igwetu, on the 4th of July 2018 before she became a victim of the trigger-happy first nature of many members of the Nigerian Police Force. Think of it as a rap version of 'Fruitvale Station', the heart-breaking movie about the final hours of Oscar Grant before like Linda and thousands others, he met his untimely end at the hands of people meant to protect lives. But in this story, Linda is a guy named 'Johnny'.
Johnny just drop, na person shoot am down
Johnny wey dey innocent, Johnny wey dey new in town
Them kill am for Jos, for no just cause
Nobody fit comot for house, them no born us.
With just this first four bars, Falz showed more balls than scores of Naija artistes have in their entire career. It's amazing how artistes don't understand the effect a simple song lyric can have on a fan's life. E no need be gbedu all the time. We get it, you're rich. You have cars and money. The ‘bad bitches’ love you. But besides that, what do you have to offer? Does recycling the same song on different beats not get tiring? Why not actually say something for a change?
Pardon me, I was veering off course again. Daylyt is an elite American Battle Rapper, recording rap artiste and Grandmaster Troll who exposes truth veiled as jokes on DJ Vlad’s YouTube page, and in his music, most recently in his 2018 year-end project ironically named 'My End of 2018' and his ‘alter-brother-ego’ Bradley, a blonde 'white-faced' overt racist whose own project 'Little White Lie' dropped last year too (Give both a listen. Truth and gems.) Daylyt has worked with Drake in the past, and is rumoured to be one of Drake’s ghost writers.
During a recent interview with Vlad, he said "You know how many times I’ve reached out to Drake and said, 'Yo Drake, you’re the biggest face of the entire world right now. How about you make a song that really matters?' You know what he put? Looking Eyes. 👀 That’s it."
Even though our biggest and most talented musical exports aren’t as globally successful, critically and commercially like Drake, isn’t it weird how similar they are? That tweet could easily be about any one of them. My point is, it can’t be so hard to speak up. Nigeria is a beehive of socially conscious topics waiting to be talked about. Corruption, Religion, Terrorism, Power, Tribalism, NEPA, Crime, name your pick. So why stay quiet?
Yes, you've secured the bag. But at what cost?
Back to ‘Johnny’. I’ve been concentrating so hard on the story that I'd actually completely ignored the beat. It's actually a very bouncy beat, reminiscent of Nelly's 'Shake Your Tailfeather'. Sampling is an art that will never die. It's amazing how different genres can blend in unison to create amazing instrumentals.
Falz sounds very angry. Good angry. Justified angry. The kind of anger we need. The anger that leads to genuine change, not the ubiquitous zombified-hundred naira notes that reflect the current state of ‘Change’ in Nigeria. That anger is needed. Because Johnny is the lazy Nigerian Youth. Johnny is every Nigerian youth who thinks about why we are still where we are. Johnny is the unlucky one who loses his life for nothing in this urbanized jungle we call our society.
I love the fact that he addresses the electoral thugs who kill in cold blood. Like bros, look yourself for mirror. You're broke and starving. I know that’s probably why you're doing this, but reason am. Drop the machete, drop the gun and ask yourself, ‘What am I doing? All this for 5k? Is that how much my life is worth, 5k?’
Unfortunately, for many of these thugs, talking to them is as pointless as shouting at a brick wall.
Or hoping you'll have light when you get home.
Or hoping to go a full calendar year without an ASUU strike.
Or pointing out how like Politics, Religion in Nigeria is a multi-billion dollar booming industry, one that you'll see clearly if you just opened your eyes and stopped being a sheep. But story for another piece.
These thugs think like animals. You can't reason with wild animals.
That was my whole point a couple of weeks back when the #MarketMarch trended. I made a comment that it was pointless going to protest against men who have grown up seeing women as inferior beings, to be seen and not heard, to not have an opinion.
Some of these men are thugs and animals, and choose to take their inane ideals physical by assaulting or even groping ladies. So they shouldn't be talked to or reasoned with. They should be locked up and dealt with! I said this, and within hours, hundreds of retweets and replies had branded me a 'misogynist and sexist' and several other unprintable words. I tried in vain to explain myself, but it’s Twitter - no context whatsoever is needed.
Hard guy hard guy, but eventually I intentionally deleted a tweet for the first time in my life. Had to before the tweet got to Instablog9ja, the hub of a very large number of Young Nigerian Educated Illiterates. My twiggers (Twitter Niggas) didn't help matters, trolling endlessly. But I digress. Restart.
Falz delved deeper into the story in the second verse, detailing how the irate Policeman murders Johnny on the night before his NYSC POP, like Linda.
Falz depicts the last moments of many Nigerian youths extorted and killed by men of the supposedly now “defunct” SARS, and Linda’s. Johnny goes for drinks with his friends, and on his way back, their car is stopped by the Police. From that point, the story is the same...in seconds, another human life is snuffed out by a Policeman.
Another reason I know Falz is pissed. I’ve not heard him use the f-word this much. The cursing isn’t forced though, you can hear the vitriol and righteous anger in his voice as he says:
Johnny just drop, na Popo shoot am down
This motherfucking trigger happy nigga
Just cause unnecessary sorrow for e family sha
All because them no oblige you when you ask for some cash
No fucking threats no weapons, just him and his guys in his car
You had the guts to tell me you accidentally discharge????
Mad man, waka! You be bloody bastard
You waste a life and try to tell me that you’re sorry after
Trying times and dark days are just becoming darker
It’s still the same sad story, just another chapter
In those last two bars, he echoes Ghost's hook on 'Epigenetics' off ShowDemCamp's equally socially and politically charged ‘Clone Wars IV’ tape aptly titled #TheseBuhariTimes where he says:
"Ever felt like you're in a low budget Nollywood flick,
and it’s a crap scene?
The Naija version of Groundhog Day
And you’re stuck in this reoccurring bad dream"
Falz reiterates the seeming helplessness of the Nigerian situation. We are in an unending spiral, a non-stop loop. I’m surprised no one is yet to point out the irony of the #10yearchallenge .
People have changed a lot in the past decade, the country hasn’t. Same parties are contesting, same old names are running for pole positions. The same sad story, just another chapter.
This song struck me more than expected. Because less than 12 hours ago, this could have been a narration of my murder. At about 5:30pm on Monday, a RRS bike-riding policemen attached to a Gubernatorial candidate’s convoy pointed a gun at a car I was in, and specifically dared me to challenge him.
I was on my way back from the Island with three of my colleagues. We had had a meeting at a client's office, a meeting that lasted hours. My male colleague and I bought food at a restaurant after the meeting, because we anticipated the rush hour traffic and hunger we were sure to encounter on Third Mainland Bridge. We sat in the backseat to eat our food, while my two female colleagues were in front, one the driver of her car, and the other in the front passenger seat.
We had to use Ojota to avoid traffic, and between Ojota and Maryland was where this happened. I wasn’t even looking at the road, I was trying to listen to music when I heard my colleague who was driving complaining bitterly. I removed one earbud and asked what happened, and she pointed to two police officers on a bike. One of them was pointing his AK47 at a car, forcing the driver and threatening him to make way for the convoy.
Now this was in the heat of rush hour traffic. It's bad enough driving in Lagos where every driver including me is a potential mad man. Disagree? Tell that to the guy I witnessed singing gospel music one moment, and strangling a keke driver for scratching his car within 30 seconds on Sunday. Boys dey para; Girls dey vex.
Seeing that policeman point his gun at the man in the car filled me with untold rage. I looked at the face of the panicking driver, and I couldn’t even hear what my colleagues were saying anymore. I just looked at the uniformed idiot holding the gun and wondered what went wrong. What went wrong in our society that madness is now considered normal? What happened?
As if things would not get worse, I saw the bike come towards our car. And this idiot lifted his gun and pointed it at the car, telling us to move.
I lost it.
I opened the window and asked him point blank, "Oga, why are you pointing your gun at us now? Why?"
The second I said it, I knew it was a big mistake. I also knew I didn't give a flying fuck. I didn't care what happened in that moment.
My colleague driving anticipated what was about to happen, and she smartly sped forward while the rest begged me to close the window and shut my mouth up. I obliged.
Do you know that this policeman actually rode forward, following us? We got stuck behind another car, and the bike stopped at the window where I was. The policeman told me to open the window. My colleagues advised me not too, but I did anyway. I wanted to hear what the idiot had to say.
And he said almost softly, "That thing wey you talk just now, talk am again."
I’d love to say I was surprised, but I wasn’t. I just stared at his eyes, as he did mine. I saw his hand as it rubbed the AK47 longingly.
I was scared by how calm he sounded, but I also wanted to understand how big he felt in that moment, being with the gun and calling the shots.
I wanted to actually repeat myself and see what happens, whether he’ll shoot me in public, in full view of the rush hour traffic and his fellow Policemen.
I wanted to know if like so many other innocent young male Nigerians, a gun could be planted on me too and I’ll be called an armed robber or cultist too.
I wanted to know how it would end.
But like always, anytime I'm about to do something very stupid, I saw my Dad's face, and what it would do to him if after his incessant worries and passionate pleas that I avoid any issues with policemen, I still decided to provoke one into ending my life.
I imagined him crying.
So I closed the window. The idiot kept talking, but his partner begged him to ignore me. And then they rode off, pointing their guns at other motorists, terrifying them into submission.
To protect and to serve - the Police is your friend.
I was understandably tongue-lashed by my colleagues for putting myself, and all of us at risk. But they too were incensed by the sheer injustice of it all.
This wasn’t even my first close shave with Police - a couple of months back, some policemen stopped me and my friends, they held us for no reason and we were extorted - I sent N10,000 to one of them. I even reported it to the Nigerian Police official complaints platforms on Twitter, WhatsApp and even via phone calls. I gave the name of the policeman (IRIEKPEN EDEKUN, can’t ever forget the bastard’s name) but as expected, absolutely nothing was done about it.
To protect and to serve - the Police is your friend.
The problem is this - we are not angry. For all the talk of the resilient Nigerian spirit, it has made us cowards.
We manage, we accept and hope and pray for better. We reply with resigned tones as we drop our typical catchphrases 'Na so we see am o', 'E go better', 'We go dey alright last last.'
We no go dey alright last last, let's be brutally honest. As long as we remain quiet in the face of Corruption, Injustice, Terrorism and the numerous societal ills we have, we will never be alright. It's not a curse, it's the truth. Heaven helps those who help themselves. See James 2:14-26
And that's why in these dark days, artistes and individuals who speak out, who question the status quo and the way things are - artistes like Falz and Showdemcamp and their stellar 2019 projects #MoralInstruction and #TheseBuhariTimes, are priceless. They bravely stepped forward and have chosen to bell the cat. But they can't do it alone. They can't. They've done their bit, they've seen it and actually done something about it through their Art.
The only question left to ask is this, whoever you are reading this - will you speak up to? Will you get active? Will you snatch your future from the vicelike grips of men in Agbada who won't be here when shit really hits the fan?
Will you, Johnny?
By John Eboseta for UrbanCentral, Tweets @mAvErIcK
Holla at us via Twitter @TheUrbanCentral
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