No Right Way for a Wedding
First and foremost, if you’re planning a wedding:
Chill. Breathe. You don’t have to lose sleep or appetite.
Brides overstress. All of them. Unless pregnant. I thanked my hormones for not caring much about my wedding, except for having fun.
I was four months pregnant when we had our wedding reception. Both the groom and I were very chill about wedding planning — as much as we could, because planning a wedding is not a chill exercise in itself. It’s a full-scale project. And things go wrong. For example, we had to cancel our restaurant two weeks before the wedding. My fiancé was furious. I was all “whatever, we’ll find another place”. (We did, the very next day, and it was better than our initial option.)
We were not having an American wedding, where not only you spend a ton of money, but also plan way ahead, and with as much detail as possible (what shade of lavender should the napkins be?). And we didn’t have a Russian wedding, well, sort of. A typical Russian wedding includes a lot of people getting very drunk. A stereotypical Russian wedding might also include a fight. Good sign, they say.
We didn’t have either version. We had a party for about 20 people: friends and family. And like every party, we just wanted everyone (us included) to have fun. Often the happy couple is there for the pictures and for the ceremonial stuff. And there’s so much to do, to take care of that you inevitably get tired by the end of the night. And getting ready… Agh.
You know what I was doing on my wedding morning? Sipping green tea, reading a book. Chilling. I think it’s a great way to get ready to celebrate the beginning of your married life. I decided not to have my hair done professionally, after practicing a couple of hair updos several weeks before. My hair looks best curly, just the way it is. Also, I didn’t want any special makeup, and did what I normally do, i.e. not much. We each had a right of veto for the wedding. Mine was: no MCs, they usually suck here. And his was: no makeup that makes you look completely unlike yourself (a common practice among brides here). I happily complied.
What we had at the party was: really good food, wine, cocktails (no vodka), several entertainment options for guests (and for kids separately), and a very non-intrusive photographer. And it went really well, just the way we liked it.
I’m not saying that my way to have a wedding party is the best one. It is the best one for me. What I’m saying though, is: you need a wedding that you enjoy. Not what others expect from you — or you think they do. Not to impress. But the kind that would make you and your spouse happy. Many would say that yes, it’s true, weddings are held for the family (parents) and friends. Go ahead, make sure they have fun. But don’t just follow traditions because you have to. Only if you want to.
We had traditional things as well. Like bride’s dress: custom-made, from a designer that I loved (Cathy Telle, in case you’re wondering, the whole collection is wonderful). And I loved it. Toasts at the table. Warm words that made you feel very special. I still think we should have said our vows in front of that close group of people: another tradition that makes sense to me, having others witness your matrimonial oaths to each other. And some of the traditions we happily missed.
There’s no right way to get married. Or to stay married, for that matter. It’s important to look at what is important to the two of you. So if you’re an overwhelmed bride or a groom, remember to think of yourself. It’s going to be fine.
Breathe.
