An insider, outside.
Look, I don’t want to catalogue myself as either one or another, either as an introvert or extrovert, not because I think it’s useless but because I don’t feel like I have discovered to which I “belong” or if I will ever belong to just one. I do have to be honest and say that I for sure feel more identified with introversion and that a lot of my behaviours are proper of it.
Let’s just say, for the objectives of this story, that I tend (or used) to enjoy staying at home, that socialising isn’t an strength for me, that I tend to overthink things and go to other worlds while I am awake, that I sometimes feel socially exhausted, that I don’t know how to express in front of people most of the times, etc. If those are introvert characteristics or not, let’s leave it for another discussion. Let’s just put a name on it for this purpose: insider.
Now, this semester that just ended, my last at college, I saw myself outside more than I had ever been. And the best part is that it didn’t feel bad at all. Of course sometimes I had to recharge alone in my room, but it wasn’t something I looked forward to. What I looked forward to was to have fun outside my house, with my newly created group of friends, doing outdoor activities or just hanging out with them at someone else’s house or a pub. I didn’t want to come home at all and I still don’t.
Why?… First of all, there was something about me. Even though I have always been more of an insider and quiet guy (more when I was younger), I remember that since I was a kid, when it was about having fun I got to be pretty free and express myself, probably not like the rest, but still. And I loved being around friends to play either outdoor or indoor games. So I would dare to say that it is something that has always been a part of me, but that because of different circumstances, including my own reservation, I kind of shut it down in recent years. But this started to change in my latest semesters of college, in which I had to face way more interaction with people, specially my classmates. This last semester though, it was a 360º change, and here’s where the second part comes. I kept and met new friends who started hanging out like if we knew each other from a long time ago. A group of friends that didn’t put complications to things to do because every plan, even the simplest ones, were taken with emotion and a sense of friendship that I hadn’t experienced before; and when things didn’t work out and plans had to be cancelled it didn’t matter because we would come up with something else soon.
What I want to address by telling this is that we could be more open to people and therefore to the possibility of socialising and creating strong connections. Even though it’s harder for some of us, it’s something that is worth it. I am not saying that it is something that everyone has to do, because I do recognise and understand that some people prefer or feel better by not doing it, because it is beyond of who they are and what they feel comfortable with. And that is okay. But give it at least a shot, it could give you a different point of view about many things, get to know yourself better and also enjoy time outside your room and house, where there are beautiful and fun things to do or at least see.
I for sure want to keep going outside whenever I can and feel like doing so, even if it is by myself just for a walk, because given my recent experience, it is outside where we really get to know this world and get to discover who we are.