Friends heartbreak is real
It took me a lot of time to decide to write about this, but the mourning of this situation has taken me to a point in which in order to get over it, I need to let many things out, and what better way to do it than by writing.
It’s more than common to hear about couples’ heartbreaks, a concept that didn’t make sense to me before because I have never been in a serious relationship; but now that I’ve lost many friends due do different reasons, it has started to make more and more sense, and I am sure a friendships’ heartbreak is pretty similar.
We get attached to people we interact with, starting with our own families. Parents, siblings, grandparents and more, all tend to have this intrinsic sense of unconditionality that makes it harder to actually lose them. Sure, family issues are normal and I know some families are not even close, and that’s perfectly okay. But they were given by blood, while with friends and couples, we choose them.
I am no psychologist, so this reflects my experience and what I have come to understand thanks to it. I have seen many people suffering from heartbreaks because their relationship with a girlfriend or boyfriend has ended. They all agreed on saying that they feel like their world was crumbling down, that a part of their hearts was broken and that after many months they were not over it.
And now I feel like that is happening to me, only with friends.
To me, friends are the core base for human interaction. And so although I had lost friends before, it wasn’t until just a couple years back that I started to realize that I actually missed some of them and how those I was losing at the moment I couldn’t hold back next to me. I have lost friends without explanation, others because they decided to go in other directions, others because they changed so much that they were not compatible with me anymore, others because they became mean people, others because they just found someone cooler, others because they were jealous, others because… Just because.
In many cases losing those friendships is a good thing, we are not entitled to remain close to every single person we meet in our lives, because we change and we take different directions, or just happen to see life differently as a whole; and in losing them we refine our circle of people we surround with, letting toxic attitudes for us out. Yet, rephrasing what Hayley from Paramore said in an interview, I always thought that my friends were gonna be friends of mine forever, no matter how close or not we were.
And so under that expectation, losing the most “insignificant” friend hurt me to some extent.
It is in the closest friendships though that I feel like a part of me got lost and it is never coming back. And that is okay. In the process of learning that some people are meant to stay in our lives just for a short period of time, we need to understand that losing someone hurts some people more than others; but in the end, we need to cope with loss and get the best out of it. Right now I am saying this from a place in which I am starting to heal, in which it still hurts, but where I have the hope that I will be able to look back and be lucky enough to have felt it all and know that I gave my all, not having an expiration date.
Our hearts get broken when we lose friends, and those are pieces that even when healed, won’t form the same shape they had before. We will feel alone and it might take us longer or shorter to get over someone, or the concept of them, but in the end is through these heartbreaks that we understand ourselves the most and we learn to be kinder with those around us, with the hope that some of them stick forever.