Happy All By Myself
In 1982 during a not so cold December day my parents walked into a small court in a tiny town in Mexico and signed their marriage certificates. The following month in 1983 they walked into a church in that same tiny town and said “I do.” They have been together for the past 35 years and counting. They started their lives together in my fathers hometown in Mexico and there they had their first kids. There was a total of five kids before my father made the difficult but hopeful decision of immigrating to the United States. Once in the US they had two more kids for a total of seven altogether. Both my parents had a poor and difficult childhood. It wasn’t until they were older when their circumstances changed. My grandparents worked hard to make a better life for my father, so by the time he was in his teens they family was well off. My mother on the other hand was taken in by her aunt and her life bettered due to this. When they met it was due to my mother taking a teaching job in my fathers town. As my mom likes to put it, “one thing led to another and before” she knew it she was married. My favorite story to listen to about their marriage is how my father got cold feet last minute, and if it wasn’t for my uncle, his older brother, he would not have walked down the aisle.
To hear the stories be told about how my parents met and how their marriage developed before I was old enough to know what all of that meant, is both a sad and happy thing for me. As any relationship, their marriage has had ups and downs. People are always mesmerized when I tell them that my parents have been married for over 30 years. My coworkers, friends, and family members all assume that I will one day have a long marriage as my parents. There is not one social even of family gathering where I am not asked “do you have a boyfriend,” “when do you plan to tie the not.” My favorite thing though is when someone says “wait till you have a husband and kids.” I know that my parents have loved and enjoyed their lives together. I have many friends who are married or have gotten married recently and are happy. I’ve had my fair share of being a bridesmaid and even a maid of honor. It’s been both fun and hectic to be a part of a wedding like that. There is so much that goes into the planning and the final event. There are happy moments, sad moments, and funny moments. I enjoyed helping pick wedding invitations, fining our about the cake testing, picking dresses, and getting to be a part of a big event. Some of my friends have opted out of having a big wedding. They decided to spend less on the event and invest their money in their future. I’ve had family friends who have gone all out and done the whole big Mexican weddings. The ones where all the tíos, tías, primos, and everyone else they know attend.
Being a woman, and even more so a Mexican woman, there is never a time when I am not asked when I will settle down. Translation for settle down in my culture is: where is your boyfriend, when are you getting married, when will you have kids, and if you are old enough with kids already then it’s when will I get grand kids. In many Hispanic family’s the older generations still expect their kids to stay at home till they marry. Than they expect you to get married and just have kids. At least in my family that is still very relevant. When I was getting ready to graduate my parents were beyond surprised when I told them I was applying for college. Although I have always told them that I don’t plan on getting married, they were holding on to hope and the Mexican way to change my mind. Yes, I have always known that I do not want to get married. At first when I was asked the questions of “when will you get a boyfriend” or “when will you settle down,” I would simply smile and not answer. This was with other family members because with my parents I was always mouthy and would constantly tell them I would never get married. I didn’t answer them due to politeness and not wanting to get the “talk” later in the day (being Mexican for me also meant always respecting your elders no matter what). I truly knew from a very young age that marriage was not for me.
My friends have all told me how they grew up playing with dolls and pretending they were getting married. They had dreams about what songs they would play or what dress they would wear. All of my close friends are married and have been for a while now. I can think of less than five who are still single as I am. All of my friends that are married know that I just simply don’t want to be married. My family now all know that I will not have a marriage. This however hasn’t stopped people form asking me that inevitable question of when I will get married now followed by, “you just haven’t met the right person yet.” No matter how many times I here this I will I answers with how I truly feel. I simply am content with myself. I love spending my time with just me. I’ve had my share of boyfriends and I still plan on one day finding one that I can spend the rest of my life with. Yet, if I don’t I will be just fine with being alone. I’m not sure why so many people seem to think I am not being truthful when I give them this answer. I have many friends and cousins who can not fathom being alone. They feel that for their lives to be complete they have to be with someone else. I’m not against marriage, I simply think that our society has made it seem like in order to be happy we have to get married. Not just marriage but to be in a relationship. People can’t seem to think it’s okay to just enjoy your life on your own. I’ve grown to love many parts of myself and my life that I hadn’t in the past. I’ve grown to love my alone time and it has enabled me to get to find out so much about myself. I’ve grown to love accept that my family will also see me differently for making the choices I have. Overall I’ve grown to know that anything I decide to do will be because I want it.
