It Isn’t in My Blood
Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’t
It isn’t in my blood -Shawn Mendes
The first time I heard these lyrics from the song “In My Blood” by Shawn Mendes they resonated with me so much. Who hasn’t felt like that before? How powerful are those lyrics to all who hear them. Especially these days when it feels like there is more pain in the world than good.
It was very difficult to hear the news that Anthony Bourdain killed himself. I followed his work, and was always surprised with how amazing and down to earth he seemed to be. It’s crazy to think that when you see someone there is no way you can really know what is going on inside that person’s mind. On the outside Anthony Bourdain looked happy and fulfilled. He was living his dream, he was helping people. He was out spoken, he loved bringing people together through food, and loved being a dad.
Excerpt from an article on Bourdain:
Bourdain also said in February that he felt “some responsibility” to “at least try to live” since his daughter, Ariane, was born.
“I also do feel I have things to live for,” he explained. “There have been times, honestly, in my life that I figured, ‘I’ve had a good run — why not just do this stupid thing, this selfish thing… jump off a cliff into water of indeterminate depth,'” he said, recalling something he said he’d once done for his Travel Channel show.
He also described how, before his daughter’s arrival, he would “go to places” where “I was, frankly, asking for trouble. It was a daredevil move.”
But now, “in retrospect, I don’t know that I would do that today — now that I’m a dad or reasonably happy.” —
Looking happy doesn’t mean happiness. It makes me furious that depression and mental health issues can lead a person to end their life. As someone who has dealt with depression I know how the darkness can over take our minds. Yet, going back to the song “In My Blood” I also know that giving up is not in my blood. I felt like that song was written for me and everyone else like me. We can’t all have this mind set, and even though we might not fully understand people with suicidal thoughts we can’t judge them. We have to try and be there for them, in the dark times and the good times. Even when someone feels happy it doesn’t mean destructive thoughts aren’t there. Communication with each other will be the best weapon against this. When we are open and not only ask for help, but help others even when they can’t ask for help themselves then we are trying to create a better world. We all have times when we feel as though “the walls are caving in,” but knowing that others feel just the same as us is a comforting thought to keep us going. I hope Anthony Bourdain has found the peace he needed and could not find here. He will be missed.
Remembering Anthony Bourdain
