What I learned from people that I didn’t feel comfortable with
I am pretty sure we all know that feeling of not belonging to a place, family or group of people. Why did we get there? We were trying to fit in, probably, and there’s nothing wrong about it, after all we discover ourselves through those experiences. But the biggest lesson I learned from even just talking to a person that is really different from me, is that if I don’t belong, I don’t have to make myself belong.
Do not change for anyone.
As harsh as that phrase may sound, it is true and yet not completely. It is impossible not to change for ourselves, and even more impossible not to change because of the people that surround us. But once you actually change who you are and become that person without feeling okay with it just for the sake of belonging, you did it wrong.
I have never changed myself that much as to forget who I was, thankfully. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t reached a point in which I started to feel like that was not my place and that I was forcing myself to make it feel like that by doing things I didn’t really like or felt comfortable with.
You don’t like to drink? Then don’t. Sure, you can drink something because of a game, for example, but you don’t have to turn into a complete alcoholic just to be able to hang out with your friends or be part of your family reunion with cousins and such. You don’t like to party? Fine as well, don’t go to the parties and instead hang out with your friends somewhere else. Do you hate to stay at home? Go out, have fun.
The point here is: if your friends or family really take you as a someone that they value, they won’t care if they have to make other plans in which you can feel more comfortable once in a while, and even more, they won’t force you to do something you don’t want to. And if you really believe those people are your friends or you still want to be close to your family, you don’t have to change your core for them or expect them to change for you. If you definitely can’t deal with their lives at all and are not willing to sacrifice some stuff for them with minimum changes, let them go, you will be better off without them and they will as well.
At the end, what makes us attractive to other people is also what makes us different and unique. That you can’t change.