“You’ll change your mind, trust me”
When a woman says she does not want to have children she is usually met with a response similar to “you’ll change your mind, trust me.” Why does the person saying the phrase think they have a better understanding of the emotions and actions of the woman choosing not to have children? Why is it that so many people are quick to dismiss a woman’s choice of not wanting to be a mother? Even in today’s more modern thinking world women who speak out loud of their choice to not have children are seen as an anomaly. Raising kids is a huge responsibility. It takes time, money, and a lot of sacrifices. Most women are perfectly happy to deal with everything that comes with being a mother, but not all women think the same.
From an early age girls are expected to want to take care of others. Baby dolls are given to little girls with all the accessories that come with having a baby. Women are told their purpose in life is to give birth and that their lives are incomplete without becoming a mother. This is drilled into girls, or even more menacing is that we are told it is something we want without ever given a chance to figure it out on our own. Even though gender norms are beginning to change girls are still being raised to be the care takers of a family; more so in certain cultures. No matter the culture though there is always backlash for women who decide to be childless. Some women find out early on that having a kid will not be in their future. Others come to the conclusion later in life, but they don’t do it to personally offend anyone. Certainly not their parents or guardians because it is a choice they make for themselves. Who knows you better than yourself? If you know you won’t be the mother your children need then why is it such a bad thing to not have kids.
There is no doubt that to be a good mother you have to be caring and selfless but there bad mothers out there. Why is it that people can usually keep their judgments of bad mothers to themselves, but not about women who chose to not be mothers. How is not wanting to put a child though all the bad things this world has to offer worse than those who mistreat children or leave them. I am no one to judge the actions of other people, but if you chose to have children I believe you have the responsibility to see that child grow up healthy and raised to be a good person. How can a woman bear to add to the pain in a child’s life? A lot of women who decide not to have children express how they would not be able to deal with their own pain much less the pain of a child. It is a lot of responsibly and struggle to keep children safe and mentally well. Today, more so than ever with shootings happening in the once place we all though children would be safe, schools.
There are enough humans on the planet right now, and because we are not fighting for our survival it is not imperative that all females have children. It is not going against nature if a woman knows herself well enough to be childless. A woman should not have to feel guilt or shame for saying out loud that she willing does not want to have children. There is no need for judgment, no need to impose personal beliefs onto that woman, or to tell her, even though she is her own person with the right to make her own decisions, she will “change her mind.” Many people think these women are weak and selfish for not having children, but going against family and society’s expectations is braver than conforming. Let us rather show our respect the choice woman make because at the end of the day honestly what business is it of anyone’s whether or not someone decides to give birth.
