Things I’ve learned about myself in the past month
If I absolutely have to, I can navigate an unfamiliar area and get where I’m trying to go. I’m not great at this, and so when JD and I are traveling I let him look at the maps and figure out our route. Possibly one of the most sexist parts of my personality is the part where I just blithely take my man’s hand and let him lead the way.
When I was in San Francisco with my little sister over Memorial Day weekend, however, I realized that she’s even less inclined to navigate than I am. So I did most of the heavy lifting, and we got around pretty well. I even got us on the BART and then off again at the correct spot. Sometimes you convince yourself so firmly that you’re not good at a thing that you don’t realize you’re maybe just average at it.
***
I am a good student but struggle in classroom settings. I just completed a short editing course for work, three long days in a classroom, and had extremely little patience for my classmates’ questions and arguments (it’s copy editing, so there are always these little debates about commas and pronouns and what have you). If I’ve mastered a subject and want to move along, it bugs me to no end to wait for other people to catch up. It’s the same in reverse; I get furious when other people can understand an assignment and master it before me.
It gets extremely personal. I hadn’t been back in a school setting since I graduated with my master’s three years ago, so this is a part of myself that I didn’t recognize until I returned from a long time away.
***
I struggle to stay involved in activism. I care just as much as ever but my motivation to DO SOMETHING shorted out a while ago. This is something I’m ashamed of and I’m hoping that expressing it here will force me to start doing stuff again. I did attend an equality rally for LGBTQ people last weekend, and I very occasionally send a fax to my representatives (who are all doing the good, important work; it’s not like I have an idiot GOP senator to harangue). I plan to send some money to an org or two that support black Americans today. But I’m nowhere near where I was this winter. I was organizing and writing postcards and making phone calls all the dang time, and now all I want to do is curl up and watch TV and hide. Can’t do it, I know.
***
I’m mad at my dad!!! Thanks, therapy.
***
I saw Wonder Woman two weeks ago and am seeing it again tomorrow. Apparently I DO enjoy action movies/superhero stories if the hero is someone I can identify with. HEY HOLLYWOOD: HALF THE POPULATION OF THE WORLD IS LADIES, MAKE MORE KICK-ASS MOVIES FOR US PLEASE
***
Finally, and least importantly, I look pretty good in a big, floppy hat:
