“The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps.” — Proverbs 14:15
Sometimes, I wonder how things would be if I could go back in time.
What if I could do things over?
Right my wrongs?
Erase the past; do better?
Where would I be now if I could start again?
Of course, there’s no use in crying over spilt milk.
We all know it’s not healthy to cling to past regrets. God has brought us to where we are for a good reason — but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t learn from our mistakes.
Thinking about it, if others could learn from them too then that might mean fewer regrets all around.
Maybe if we really tried, we could even end split milk for good.
“No one ever plans to ruin his life. Nobody makes failure a goal, or a New Year’s resolution, or an integral part of his five-year plan. Kids don’t dream about growing up to be an alcoholic; students don’t go to class to learn how to be bankrupt; brides and grooms don’t go to the altar expecting their marriage to fail.
But ruined lives do happen — far too often. And they happen because of the choices we make. Many of our most influential choices take place when we are relatively young — old enough to be making important decisions, but young enough for those decisions to have disastrous consequences.” — Jonathan Pokluda
Thinking back now over the past few years, I’ve messed up. A lot.
But despite that, God has always been good to me. Always.
In hindsight, my uni years have been filled with countless instances of God working everything out perfectly for my good. I usually never saw it coming, but now, it’s easy to see. He was always there. My loving Father.
For those of you who are truly Christian, I’m sure you’ll be saying the exact same thing soon enough (if not already). You’ll learn your own lessons along the way and see Him do more than you could ever ask or imagine.
When that time comes, hopefully you too will want to pass on God’s love the young’uns — sharing your hard-learned lessons and testimonies of His glorious grace.
In this article, I want to do just that. My hope is that you can take some of my hard-learned lessons away for yourselves, and live all the better for it.
Especially as you start this new and crucial stage of your life, I hope these words will come as timely advice. If even one of you comes out of reading this inspired to take advantage of the following tips, I’d go on a happy lad.
1. God First
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” — Matthew 6:33
This sets the foundation for all the following tips (and a life well-lived too): learn to make God everything to you. If not, things will go wrong. Count on it.
“Wherever the soul of man turns, unless towards God, it cleaves to sorrow, even though the things outside God and outside itself to which it cleaves may be things of beauty.” — Augustine
At the center of each thing you do, care about, strive towards, or enjoy, God needs to be there. You need to set this straight with yourself and be honest about where you struggle (please go and seek God first!). The earlier you set God as the center of everything you do (scheduling, goals, work, relationships… etc.), the better. If you don’t have a solid faith and relationship with Jesus, then focus on that first and foremost. The longer you hold off on making God the priority, the purpose, and the joy in an area of your life, the more consequences you’ll likely witness as a result.
For example, if God isn’t at the center when you:
- Work, you’ll eventually lose motivation, and joy, or end up wasting your time.
- Engage in relationships, there will eventually be conflicts, disappointment, and brokenness
- Make decisions, you’ll eventually end up with regret no matter how much thought you put into it.
- Set your goals, you’ll unconsciously slip into idolatry and end up feeling a sense of emptiness when your goals do not satisfy.
- Deal with sin, you’ll eventually end up in Hell because your repentance will not be genuine, lasting, or in Christ.
2. In Christ Alone
“Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” — John 1:12
Who are you, really? What defines you? Where you do place your identity? Try answering these questions and see if your actions align. Then consider this: could you lose your identity overnight?
You are not what your parents or peers think of you. What your grades and job say about you shouldn’t define you. Your identity shouldn’t be tied to your LinkedIn, resume, Instagram profile, or Facebook account, because whether others are impressed or not doesn’t matter in the long run.
Trying to please everyone to appear good in the eyes of others won’t end well. You’ll never feel safe/satisfied if you try to prove/earn your own worth.
God’s view of us is what really matters. Who we are in relation to Him is the only thing that will stand the test of time and the trials of life. Do you know what that means? It means that your personal 1–1 relationship with Jesus says all that you need about yourself.
3. It’s Not About You
“It is better to give than to receive.”— Acts 20:35
Many people come to university to get something for themselves — for personal gain. This is not the attitude a Christian should have. The Christian ought to think of others as more significant than themselves, like Christ did as He went to places to be a light.
As redeemed children of God, our primary goal is to point others to Jesus and the gospel wherever God puts us. When you take on that mindset, university life takes on new colour:
- You can live a life with much fewer worries because you are less self-centred
- You can genuinely start loving people and wanting the best for them
- You will find more joy in seeing God’s work being done (which God will do, with or without your help)
The one who seeks the best for the people around them will experience blessings and joys foreign to the self-centred achiever.
4. Character over Competency
“For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” — 1 Samuel 16:7
God cares more about your heart than your skills, so focus on your character over your competency.
Think about the fruits of the Spirit: “Love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control”, which one of these do you lack? Which one do you need to grow in? God doesn’t need an eloquent, experienced, or even wise servant. His favour is rather upon those who are righteous and humble. Those are the ones He will choose to use.
“knowledge puffs up but love builds up” — 1 Corinthians 8:1
Don’t chase knowledge for the sake of knowledge. It’s not a fruitful end in itself. Make sure you have a good reason for the things you’re learning and choosing to study. Keep in mind that even the most important knowledge needs to be applicable to be useful.
Do your studies in theology, apologetics, science, or academics bring you to love God more? Does it help you be more obedient to God? Does it help you benefit others? If not, what’s the point? What good is it to know all about humility and pride and still be stuck in arrogance?
5. Divest
“let us also lay aside every weight, and sin” — Hebrews 12:1
Everyone knows about investing, but what about the opposite? What about getting rid of things that shouldn’t be taking up precious resources?
You only have a limited amount of time and energy per day, and I’ve found that making the best use of both doesn’t always look like what you might expect. Instead of adding more things (even good things) to the schedule, focusing on cutting lesser things out may be better in the long run.
Social media doom scrolling, YouTube time-travelling, Gaming as a self-serving alternative to productivity, or falling to repetitive sins. Get rid of them and any other hindrances to your walk with God. The longer you keep garbage around, the worse it’ll stink. I think this is another reason why people end up with regrets even if they want to pursue good things. It results from a lack of will or decisiveness to get rid of lesser, useless, or bad things.
Put an end to your nasty habits. Delete the app. Learn how to say no. Block what you need to block. Avoid the internet unless you are looking for specific content. Divest what you need to divest so that you can properly invest for God what He has given you.
6. “Habits Maketh the Man”
“Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.” — 1 Corinthians 9:25
I’ve heard this said many times; your 18–24 will be the years when you change the most. Each step here sets up your stride for another. Lifelong habits slowly accumulate and solidify. Over time, small steps will bring you miles away from where you started.
“Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” — Galatians 6:7–9
Not only that, but many wise people will also tell you this: the habits that stick with you will someday define you, so make sure you pick some good ones. List out some habits that you would like to see yourself keeping up for the rest of your life. Then, start slow and be disciplined in integrating them into your daily life.
Bible reading and prayer habits that promote quality time with God are top-notch. Go for high value y’all. 1 Timothy 4:7–8: “Train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”
7. Don’t go at it alone.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” — Ecclesiastes 4:9–10
Isolation, self-sufficiency, and self-dependence are not smart moves. In our current age, it’s easy to be individualistic and overconfident — don’t fall into this.
It may seem more efficient, involve less conflict, and save you time, but you won’t get far. He who travels alone travels the fastest, but He who travels the furthest travels with others.
Pray and ask God for Christian friends. Keep an eye out for people who will walk with you through life. Don’t settle for mere acquaintances, but look to forge life-long bonds. Ask for help!
8. Pick Your Friends
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” — Proverbs 13:20
“Choose your friends wisely.” I wouldn’t be surprised if this tip feels dull from overuse. You’ll likely hear it everywhere, and there’s a good reason for that. If you don’t keep the wrong kind of influences at a distance, your character and life will suffer. But, if you invite good and godly people into your life, the day will come when you’ll be thankful that you did.
Some specific applications:
- Chances are, you won’t find your lifemates instantly on the first night of fellowship or Sunday service. This might mean you’ll have to commit to a location for a while (a church or fellowship).
- If you want to find quality friends, try looking (and staying) in the right places. It’s easier to find good fruit near a good tree compared to a withered one.
Keep an eye out for people who will:
- Walk with you through life, not just a season
- Tough out the hard times with you at a personal cost
- Hear you out even when you’re annoying and needy
- Call you out when you don’t like it
- Seek God first
9. Don’t spread yourself too thin
“Moses’ father-in-law replied, ‘What you are doing is not good. You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone.’” — Exodus 18:17–18
If you try to do everything, you’ll just end up learning the hard way — through failure, burnout, or poor stewardship — that you can’t.
- Trying to be friends with everyone ends up with you not really being friends with anyone.
- Trying to take part in too many activities and projects ends up with you feeling like you don’t belong anywhere.
- Trying to find the perfect church through endless hopping ends up with you “homeless” and without a true church family.
Be careful about doing too much, overpacking the schedule, being a part of too many clubs, taking up too much responsibility…etc. Take up a commitment, and do it well. Focus on a few friends and go far with them. Pick a good church, commit, and stick with it.
10. Learn how to rest
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavily laden, and I will give you rest” — Matthew 11:28
Your inner demons hate this one simple trick! learn how to find rest for your souls in God. This is the only proper way to combat stress and anxiety from schoolwork, relationships, trials, hardships, and life in general.
God didn’t rest on the 7th day because He was tired. Similarly, you shouldn’t wait until you are burnt out to rest spiritually. One lesson from the Sabbath is to not wait for things to go wrong before you start seeking and resting in God.
We were created for Him and we need Him regularly, therefore spiritual weariness is not an indication that it’s time to rest. It’s a sign that you need to repent. Spiritual rest is not to be man-centred, but God-centered. If your rest serves God, it will also serve you — if it doesn’t, you’ll just have to continue weary and heavy-laden.
Learn how to rest in God by (”come to me”) going to Jesus. Then, commit to setting aside time to do so regularly. Search for Him in the Word, quiet isolated prayer, different forms of worship, fellowship, and other ways that are good for the soul. It helps to plan for it/around it and to intentionally give Him the best/most productive part of your day.
11. Older folks
“Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.” — Job 12:12
These twelve pieces of advice are by no means comprehensive. There are so many more helpful tips out there that can save you time, energy, and heartache. You just need to search for them.
A good place to start is with folks older than you. With the right attitude around older folks, you’ll often find in them more wisdom than you expect.
It goes a long way to have good questions prepared beforehand:
- “What are some things you wish you knew at my age?”
- “Do you have any advice on…?”
- “Is there anything I could help you with so that I can spend time with you?”
12. Quality Content
For I give you sound teaching; Do not abandon my instruction. — Proverbs 4:2
I think everyone should watch these. You included. Try to block out some time and grind these videos out. You won’t regret it.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9OyBX68iDLaabPZO_2rHhwYTpsRKRcx5
