Creating Meaning from the Meaningless
Life is as futile as rolling a boulder up an endless mountain. Students being confined to their academic commitments: burdens inevitable yet compulsory to their future prosperity. A break would cause the stone to roll backward and trample any scant progress. Every morning is identical, forcing one’s overworked self to constantly repeat the same meaningless routine without the thought of insanity. However, there is one way to stop the rock; an external force far greater than the man pushing. This is a reflection on my first year at Waterloo Engineering, exploring how God used CCF as a vehicle to get the gospel across to me.
I grew up in a typical Christian household. We all know how these testimonies pan out, so I am not going to touch on my pre-university past. From playing on intramurals to joining musical clubs, I had many ambitions coming to Waterloo. However, reality did not align with these high expectations and I started to crumble. Linear algebra contained imaginary numbers and chemistry was borderline just math. I started to skip class to do more pleasurable hobbies to distract my mind from the academic chaos. My mental health started to deteriorate from the acceptance of actually having to study after two years of online schooling. This all happened during the first two weeks of school. From an outsider’s perspective, this would look like the beginning stage of when my life started to tumble down.
While I was fighting to get a decent GPA, I was considering joining a fellowship to strengthen my Christian roots. I texted a CCF upper year who went to my home church, and my neighbour who also went to CCF, about fellowship recommendations. They gave me a brief rundown of CCF and my initial reaction was nothing special. I had been attending church and my youth fellowship for my entire life, so I knew what was expected. I could have never been more wrong. On opening night, I arrived 20 minutes early and sat in a corner by myself. I was intimidated by how big the lecture hall was and how I did not know anyone there. After a couple of minutes, I was about to leave due to how uncomfortable I felt; however, somebody approached me and introduced himself. Then, as more people filled up the lecture hall, more and more people shook my hand and introduced themselves to me. I had only been there for 10 minutes, yet I already felt a sense of community. As the night was coming to an end, a group of boys asked me if I wanted to go to POST with them. We went to Foodie Fruitie and as I was going to the washroom, somebody secretly “frosh benefitted” me. Laying in my bed later that night, I thought to myself about what just happened. A bunch of people I just met treated me like we were best friends. This was my first glimpse of CCF’s hospitality.
After this day, I began to lose interest in CCF. Gospel sharings were boring and Bible studies sounded like a lullaby. I started to turn towards earthly pleasures. On weekends, I would go back to Toronto to club downtown, getting back home at 5 am and feeling too wasted to do anything the next day. Furthermore, I started going to the gym more often and would skip class. In 1A, I spent more time in PAC than in my Calculus and Chemistry lectures combined. It all started to go downhill until the CCF retreat in the Fall of 2022. Believe it or not, this was my first time meeting my small group. This was the eureka moment I had been looking for. During worship, it felt like I was in heaven, a crowd of people praising the Lord, with nothing else on our minds. Furthermore, during my personal reflection moment, I had a reality check. Looking back hit me hard; I had deviated so much from my Christian roots and was unsatisfied with the current state of my life. I was happy but not satisfied. Something needed to change. God has brought me to this realization to start my redemption arc.
Next, Frosh Cell did not have as big of an impact as I expected. I did meet a bunch of first-years and upper-years with whom I went to the gym and ate a lot of food together. But it started acting like a social event rather than a Christian fellowship. I would look forward to going to post more than the Christian activities for that night. Although the program was well-planned and executed, my youthful mentality of getting closer to my year blurred the true purpose of Frosh Cell, a moment to exercise my faith.
Continuing with how I grew my faith, just like in sports, if you want to be good you have to practice. So I practiced my faith more frequently. I started praying more often, doing morning devotions, and started listening to Christian songs. I started planning my days around CCF, constantly waking up at 8 am on weekends to get ahead of my weekly assessments to free up my Friday nights. This newfound motivation came from Christ! I could not have done this myself. I tried before and it did not work out. It was only possible because God changed my heart.
As of writing this, I feel satisfied with my first year. Not only academically, but spiritually. Comparing myself to my friends, I notice how meaningful my life is with CCF and how integral it has been to my first year. All my non-CCF math and engineering friends do is wake up, study, and sleep. Occasionally, they will have a party or movie to look forward to during the weekend, but that is pretty much it! However, for me, I have CCF to look forward to and meeting all my CCFers. This is what made CCF so integral to my first-year experience. If I felt down, there were always people to talk to. If I was happy, there were people who felt happy with me rather than get jealous of my accomplishments.
Now it is time for some analysis. This is a miracle! I went from being a person who was lost in his walk in Christ to somebody who feels immensely full of the Lord’s love. God did wonders in my life. A common theme I noticed and something I will continue preaching is to trust in God’s plan. In the past, when it seemed like I was failing a course, God gave me the strength to pull a productive all-nighter to pass. When I was feeling lost, God put people in my life to give me comfort. These moments strengthened my faith in God. Jeremiah 29:11 reads:
“For I know the plans I have for you plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
God is indeed good! He has a plan for you even if you don’t realize it. Through my first year at CCF, I had great struggles, but God helped me overcome them. Always trust in his plan. Use my reflection as a lesson. Even when all seems lost, trust in his plan. It may get worse or it may get better. Everything happens with a purpose. It is God speaking to you. It is God working.
