Imperfectly Perfect
Hi friends! As a soon-to-be-phased out Waterloo graduate (shoot…), I figured it would be cool to share my testimony, in the hopes that you would learn from my experiences and mistakes as you grow in your faith during your university journeys. My desire is that you would see God’s sovereignty, His deep and infinite love, and the absolute joy and worth of knowing Him through my life. No one is perfect, but we worship a God that is perfectly good and merciful. If you want to know more (or have concerns lol) my door is open, as always :)
Faith Beginnings
I was born into a Christian family and had a typical Christian upbringing. Growing up, my home church was a second family, so I grew up with all the church aunties, the Bible stories and answering questions in Sunday school like most other Christian children. When I was 7 or 8 years old, I went to a Good Friday service where they did a skit on Jesus’ death and resurrection. When the pastor did the altar call, I decided to give my life to Jesus with a child-like faith after being asked a simple question of whether I believed in Him. It was only afterwards when some of the church aunties got all teary-eyed that I realized the significance of my choice.
Throughout the rest of my elementary school years my faith never really went past that initial childlike belief. I went to church and fellowship, attended all the Bible studies, and felt secure in my Christian friend group. It wasn’t until around high school that I realized something was seriously off: the Sunday school teachers taught the same Bible stories year after year, I had no desire to do devotions, and church politics began to creep into my life. I forgot the reason why I believed in Christ, and let other things fill my priority list. So when I began secondary school at a Catholic high school, it was easy to develop a superiority complex, and be prideful during our mandatory religion classes; that somehow my Christian faith made me better than those who didn’t even practice their Catholic faith. It was easy to lose some control, to let my anger and frustrations translate into other dangerous feelings and thoughts. I fell into temptation when I started a relationship with a non-Christian. The worst part was knowing that my parents didn’t approve of a relationship, and yet I disobeyed and lied to them. When I look back at this time in my life, the main thread running through it was anger, impatience and bitterness.
The Tipping Point
Eventually, I went on a local missions trip with a Christian organization called Urban Promise. Our team went to the Jane & Finch area (if you know, you know) and helped out with their summer camp for children living with poverty. Through that experience, my eyes were opened to the needs of others and my own self-centeredness. The children were living in unsafe conditions, sometimes without 3 meals a day. But they were so joyful, so content with what they had, and were glad to share life together. I realized that I had my faith all wrong: it wasn’t about being correct all the time, maintaining appearances, or staying apathetic to preserve your own dignity. It’s about being a beacon of light, the salt of the world for Christ, worshiping Him for His everlasting love for us despite our brokenness.
I got back from my missions trip and put in an application to get baptized. I ended my relationship with the non-Christian, partially because I thought that getting baptized meant starting with a blank slate, but also partially because I knew that it was a sin to continue living the way that I was. But it is by faith that we are saved, not by works, because of God’s grace given freely to us (Ephesians 2:8). I see now that my faith in Christ has made me new, not the act of getting dunked. My old life is gone and my sins are washed away because of the living God who saves and cleanses those who believe in Him.
In the aftermath that followed, the real test of my faith began. It felt like the second I made my decision to get baptized, Satan was out to get me (lol). The end of my relationship also resulted in the end of my friendship with the friend group that I’d known since the beginning of high school. I had just gotten a part-time job and it was an emotional health hazard. And on top of that, I had no idea where to apply for university and what I wanted to do with my life. My parents really demonstrated God’s love during that time. I came clean about the shenanigans I had gotten up to, and instead of unleashing Asian parent rage (lol), they supported me, comforted me when I couldn’t comfort myself, and pushed me to move forward and look to the Lord for my joy and security. I got baptized on Thanksgiving weekend of my Grade 12 year and my ex actually showed up to support me, because he knew how important my faith was to me, and for that, I’ll forever be thankful. Looking back, it was only God’s hand over my life that got me through that last year of high school, and it was only Him that provided the healing that I needed.
God’s Continuous and Wonderous Works
The fact that I’m here at Waterloo is truly God’s plan and a testament to His sovereignty, grace and mercy. At the beginning of high school I swore up and down that I would not even apply to Waterloo, because I “wanted a university with a life.” Thank the Lord that He knows what is best for me, and that my decisions and thoughts made in rebellion were not granted. But here I am, about to graduate, with a better experience than I could’ve imagined: a life rich in friendships, lessons learned and the absolute joy in doing life with a faith community that supports and uplifts each other in the highs and lows. From desiring more out of a fellowship than just having a good program (firsties, go to frosh cell!!), to changing my faith habits (devos still need work but we’ll get there), and really reflecting on what it means to be a sister in Christ, God has slowly molded my heart to turn back to Him. He’s been so, so good to me. And to think where I would be, if not for Christ. My university experience was not without its highs and lows (Exhibit A: I barely showed my face at CCF in first year), but in every instance, I put my trust in the Lord, and the Lord was my Rock. As I navigated the trials of schoolwork, adulting (yikes!) and growing into a woman of faith, everything I did, I could only do with God’s strength.
When I look back at how far I’ve come, I can only give God all the praise. My merit means nothing; how could it when I am a sinner? Every instance points back to His glory and it’s so humbling to be in His presence, knowing that so much of my life I straight-up just sucked and was so undeserving of his grace, but that He saves again and again. In the two years I’ve been back on campus, I stopped holding onto control of my life, being obsessed with every detail to be perfect, and looked towards the One who is truly perfect, the only One who can take the ugliness and darkness of my heart and make it white as snow. Christ replaced the anger in my life by softening my heart and opening my eyes to my own brokenness. I didn’t know how heavy those ugly emotions could feel until God took them; life is much better living with a light heart. Of course, I can’t say that all these habits have fallen away—I’m still a work in progress after all. But I need Christ not because I am perfect, but because I am imperfect.
Whenever I find myself falling short (which honestly happens to all of us more than we care to admit), I think about these lines: “if more of You means less of me, take everything. All of you, is all I need, take everything.” In my life, the things of this world do not matter, even my old self, because all I need is Jesus. Paul says in Philippians:
“I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:8 ESV)
My encouragement to you all is to never stop seeking Jesus in all things, and that you would heed His calling, because the joy of knowing Christ and the peace that is felt as His son or daughter is beyond anything of this world. It’s such a blessing to call you all brothers and sisters and to witness and experience God’s blessings and favour on this fellowship and in your lives. Praise God for His sovereignty and mighty works, and may all the glory be for His name. :)
