The other day I woke up with the realization of “Dang, I’m old”. I’m no longer the spry froshie running around STC at 2 am during finals; rather I’m that grouchy upper year at E7 trying to get some studying done amidst a sea of CCF’ers sprawled out playing Avalon and League. A telltale sign you’re past the median age is when you can’t find people to help you with your homework anymore, and if anything, you’re the one helping the frosh with MATH 136 (“What’s a basis?” “A LINEARLY INDEPENDENT SPANNING SET!”).
Digressions aside, I woke up with that thought in my mind a few days ago. In two years, not even that, I am going to leave Waterloo. Although it feels as if the chapter has just begun, I’ve reached its last pages instead. Gone will be this tight-knit community of believers, gone will be the friendships I’ve made along the way, and gone will be what were some of the best years of my life. All the late-night conversations until sunrise talking about girls, the memories that I have jamming with friends, skipping class to hang out, CCF RETREATS, I’ll never get to do any of it again.
My stream of consciousness flowed from a reflection on the past to a pondering towards the future. A God-given desire to enter a career in education led me to research a few teachers’ colleges. Should I stay in Ontario? All my friends are here, and I can always visit ‘Loo. But it’ll be expensive living in Toronto. Or maybe I should go back to Vancouver and apply for school there. But that will probably mean I’ll never see my friends for a very long time, and we’ll probably just drift. It’s already happened to me with my high school friends, what’s not to say it won’t occur again? At least I’ll be able to serve at my church back home. But who’s still there that I know? Maybe I should YOLO it and move to Finland. I’ve heard that teachers get mad clout there. Would it be worth it?
And as these thoughts came racing through my mind, I felt very overwhelmed. I know that persuasive writing isn’t my greatest gift, but just try to imagine where I’m coming from, ok? Feelings of anxiety and uncertainty started to engulf me, and I was freaking out. To put it plainly, I was straight-up not having a good time.
So as I was losing it on the inside, I started my daily devos. This term, I’ve slowly been making my way through Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, which has been going swimmingly. I opened my Bible and turned to the day’s segment, Matthew 6:25–26:
“Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”
Many tangents raced through my brain:
1. God is good and he answers unspoken prayers. In Romans 8, we read that we sometimes do not know what to pray for, but the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, to which God answers. Without having acknowledged my need for God to help me out, he already has, through his Divine Word. Here I was, freaking out, then calmed by his reply to not worry. I didn’t even have to ask him!
2. This passage was the first sermon I ever heard from the church I currently attend. One thing that stood out for me from Pastor Jacob’s sermon was that anxiety implied a fixation on earthly treasure instead of a seeking for the things above. He continued in his exposition of the verses by imploring the congregation to remember that God gave us life itself. If earthly fathers know how to give their own sons good gifts, we can be certain that our heavenly Father knows what’s best for us. In my case, I can rest assured that God will provide for me when the time comes, so why worry? Whatever happens will happen.
3. In fact, our Heavenly Father gave us the best gift of all, the salvation from our sins. You see, we all have sinned against a most holy God, and the punishment for that is eternal separation from him. But Jesus, God’s only Son died on the cross in our stead and removed all our transgressions against the Father so that we may have eternal life with God through a life of repentant faith in Jesus Christ the Saviour. If you have not entrusted your life in the saving power of Jesus Christ, I implore you: be reconciled to God. Now is the time of God’s favour, now is the day of salvation.
4. Ergo, the command is obvious: Do not worry. In fact, Jesus repeats this mandate thrice throughout the whole passage. Jesus, the one who cares for us beyond description, telling us not to be anxious should be more than enough reason not to worry. We shouldn’t be anxious about what life has in store for us, because worrying won’t get us anywhere. Yes food and drink is important, but if God cares about the birds, he will definitely take care of you.
5. Another verse that popped into my head was Philippians 4:6–7:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the God of peace, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
I doubt I have enough words to write a full exposition on such a powerful verse, but I want to highlight that it provides a solution when you find yourself in times of anxiety and doubt: pray. And pray. And pray even more. And when you think you’ve prayed enough, just pray even more. The secret is that the treasure was the time you spent communing with God all along the way. Him quelling your anxieties is just a side effect. Praying to God shows a heart that seeks after Him and his righteousness, instead of an unhealthy fixation of the morrow. Update: When I was writing this on a Sunday evening, the sermon preached in the morning was on 1 Peter: 5:7, which reads “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you”. Dang He just keeps speaking and speaking to me; you are a very cool 😎 God.
In all of the change and uncertain times, we can always rely on God’s immutable and solid promises to watch over us. When we seek God and his righteousness, we realize that the crossroads that lie ahead aren’t as daunting as they may seem. Someone once told me that if I ever had to make a big decision, and I’ve prayed and sought advice and still couldn’t decide, to just pick an option. If he wanted you to go the other way, it will happen eventually.
I still don’t know where I’ll be in two years. Although that still freaks me out, I’ll be fine because when the time comes to pick an option, I know that I’ve reflected and prayed enough that God will lead me to his green pastures and still waters regardless of what happens. And there I’ll straight-up be having a good time.
To end off, here’s a song.
“Many things about tomorrow, I don’t seem to understand; but I know who holds tomorrow and I know who holds my hand”.
Kthxbye,
Caleb Lew
