Strangely warmed
Looking back on 5 years of God’s faithfulness and a response
Yesterday I passed by the place on Aldersgate Street in London where John Wesley experienced his “evangelical conversion.” For context, Wesley was an Anglican minister who, in the May of 1738, had recently returned from a missionary trip to America. Wesley had been feeling disappointed, both in the seeming lack of fruit of his ministry and a whole mess of a love affair that had led to him fleeing the new colony.
In the midst of his spiritual dejection and inner turmoil, he attended an evening service at a Moravian church. That same evening, he wrote thus in his journal:
“In the evening I went very unwillingly to a society in Aldersgate Street, where one was reading Luther’s Preface to the Epistle to the Romans. About a quarter before nine, while he was describing the change which God works in the heart through faith in Christ, I felt my heart strangely warmed. I felt I did trust in Christ, Christ alone for salvation, and an assurance was given me that he had taken away my sins, even mine, and saved me from the law of sin and death.”
In that pivotal moment, his intellectual understanding of the faith became a personal experience of the Lord Jesus Christ, obtaining true “joy and peace in believing.”
Looking back
As I reflect on my past 5 years in this fellowship, it feels as though God has used His Word and His people to bring me to a similar state. Though perhaps not in such a dramatic and instantaneous way, it is undeniable that the person timidly tottering into RCH 101 in September of 2018 is not the same person I am now.
Despite claiming faith and having received the sacrament of baptism 5 months prior, it would be amiss of me to say that I took my walk with Christ seriously. It seemed so much more important to me back then to be well-liked by others, to find a good co-op, to pass the term. In the background, my faith was in some sort of deconstruction, as I felt discontent with the Christianity that I had grown up learning, questioning many aspects of it and wondering if it was really worth believing.
Theological questions surrounding hell, theories of atonement and inerrancy of Scripture floated around in my head, and I sought answers based on what “felt” right to me rather than what was found in Scripture.
And yet somehow, in all my wandering, the Lord did not cease chasing me down. In His wisdom and at the right time, He brought the right people into my life to point me to Scripture. Gradually, my eyes were opened to my need for a Saviour, and the beauty of that substitutionary Saviour in Jesus Christ. Borrowing from John Stott, “the better I understood the glory of the divine substitution, the easier it was for me to trust in the Substitute.”
I slowly began to understand what it meant that Christ had taken my sins upon Himself, bearing them on the cross, taking away my condemnation. In this, I began to have a real sense that what was offered to me in trusting Christ was so much greater than what the world had to offer. The concept of a Father who runs toward their wayward son with compassion to embrace them and welcome them home began to become real to me (cf. Luke 15:20).
Instead of deconstruction leading to a loss of faith, it led to repentance and a stronger faith, built upon historical, Biblical, Christ-centred theology, fed to me by Scripture, books by great saints of the past, and most importantly, by the bride of Christ, the Church.
Not only in Waterloo, but in every city He brought me to on co-op, I found myself surrounded by brothers and sisters who loved God and His people. There was something poignantly beautiful about everyone trusting in the same Good News, transcending borders, cultures, ages, languages, denominations and walks of life. The opportunity to celebrate the Lord’s Supper together with people I would have nothing to do with otherwise, to feed on Christ together, was transformative.
A response
In all of this, I can only say I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the blessings I’ve received through all the local churches I’ve attended, both in Waterloo and elsewhere. I’m grateful for every brother and sister that has come alongside me in this journey, and I’m grateful that one day at the end of the journey, we can look forward to hearing “Well done, good and faithful servant” (cf. Matthew 25:23). I’m grateful for every one of you reading this and for the opportunity for my writing to potentially edify others. I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve had to serve in the fellowship, I’m grateful for the ways that God has revealed to me my own sin in serving, and I’m grateful for His grace in forgiving me of said sin. I’m grateful that through this serving, God has shown me how much I need Him.
I’m grateful for the sanctification that has been brought about in my life by the Spirit, becoming a more loving, more caring, more humble, more Christ-like person, though there is yet so much to grow in. I’m grateful for all of the times I’ve seen people in CCF go through similar realizations as me, that this world will never satisfy and that only Christ can. I’m grateful for all the good gifts I’ve received, and yet I’m grateful for the realization that these gifts can never be greater than the Giver (cf. James 1:17). I’m grateful that this fellowship has served a crucial niche in God’s kingdom, to reach students with the Gospel at a pivotal point in their lives. I’m grateful for God’s goodness, beauty and truth, and that we, created in His image, have the opportunity to reflect that in the world. And I’m grateful for every trial that has come my way these past 5 years, and how God has used that to produce steadfastness and greater joy in Him (cf. James 1:2).
The more I contemplate all the things I’m grateful for, the more I can echo Wesley’s words, the more I can feel my heart strangely warmed. It’s my hope and prayer for all of you as well to come to a place of gratitude and to receive this joy and peace in believing.
“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is Thank You it will be enough.”
- Meister Eckhart
