Surrendering Fully
Hi guys! As a recent(-ish) alumni, I thought I would share how God has been working in my life as a post-grad at a new school, in a new life stage, with a new community. I hope that this would be a reminder that God is good, and He is sovereign no matter how uncertain life may seem. I encourage you to continue to trust in His plan for you because He loves you :)
I had struggled with anxiety since I was in elementary school, but it peaked when I was in grade 9 as I transferred to a new high school where I didn’t know anyone. I would have panic attacks and feel so anxious that I wouldn’t even be able to sit in the cafeteria with my friends because the amount of people and the noise would be too overwhelming for me. As I started to get situated into this new life stage and made new friends who understood my struggles, my panic attacks lessened to almost none and I felt a sense of relief, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. At that time, I attributed this sense of belonging and freedom to my new group of friends who I felt solved my biggest burden for me. Unknowingly, God had been working in my life, and, looking back, I am forever grateful.
In December 2022, I was applying to Teacher Colleges and that was when I began to feel my anxiety coming back again. Anytime I would try to study, hang out with friends, or go to church, all I could think about was whether I should revise a certain part of my application or what I would do if I wasn’t accepted. My worry consumed me. By this time, I was in my fifth year at Waterloo, in a different environment with different friends and I felt like I lost my security blanket from high school when I was at my lowest with my anxiety.
29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:29–31 NIV)
A cousin (who I would consider a sister) shared Matthew 10:29–31 with me. At that time though, I only found temporary comfort in it because I struggled to fathom how much God truly loved me. A few weeks later, my pastor preached a sermon on Matthew 10, and he emphasized “don’t be afraid” in verse 31. It may seem like three simple words, but it reflects the unconditional and steadfast love God has for us and that even when I do not feel Him near, He is still with me. I am a child of God so I shall not fear. Psalm 118:6-7 also says, “I will not be afraid, because the Lord is with me.” This is a testament that His mercy endures forever!
On March 1st, acceptances for Teacher’s Colleges were to be released. I went to check the OUAC website the day before on the off chance that they released acceptances early and they did! Immediately after I saw ‘accepted’ I started crying and video-called my brother (who took pretty bad screenshots of me bawling my eyes out lol). Every day I am reminded that it is not by my own strength but through Him. Sometimes I do wonder if I would feel a sense of anger towards God if I got rejected from my top school and had to move to a university that was far away. I am very grateful for my family and friends who continuously exemplify patience, trust in His Word, and surrender to Him by having faith in His plans because His plans are better than our own. Even though I do have moments of doubt, every day I strive to ultimately trust that He has placed me where I am meant to be and that I will continue to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world.
After graduating and leaving CCF, it felt like something was missing. It felt so crazy to have Friday nights free now! I began church hopping which felt like first year all over again from when I was finding a church in Waterloo. There was a feeling of displacement and loss. Over this past summer, my friend asked if I would be interested in a leadership position in camp at my home church. I didn’t think much about it as I simply thought I could provide a helping hand since they were short on staff. However, I am eternally grateful that I agreed as I made many lasting memories and met close friends that make church feel like home :) Psalm 23 is an encouragement that through the darkest times, the Lord is our shepherd who is a comforter and provider even when we are unsure of what we seek. Even through this journey of finding a Christ-centered community, God’s omniscience and sovereignty are ever-present as He continues to lead me!
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.(Psalm 23:1–4)
These past few months have been a continuous journey in trusting in Him as I adjust to being in Teacher’s College and being a youth coach at my church! I have grown up in my church and attended youth fellowship & high school fellowship myself, so it sometimes feels surreal to be leading now after so many years. At the end of every night, we have ‘Big Prayer & Little Prayer’ where I pray for each person in our small group, and then someone prays for me. Most of them are quite intimidated or nervous to pray in front of people but I always try to remind them of the importance of prayer as an act of obedience and how everyone is continuously growing in their faith. My grade 7’s tend to have their prayer request to be about a test or project they have in the upcoming week (I have been guilty of this too haha) but, I always encourage them to pray with thanksgiving as I reflect how good God has been in this season of life.
I am so grateful for the community I have with my grade 7's, my friends at church, my DG girls, and my family that remind me to keep Christ at the center of my life. I definitely miss the CCF community at times, but I am eternally grateful for the lifelong friends I have made at UWCCF and I have learned to cherish the people placed in my life during different seasons. God is always providing even when I don’t realize it! Although this is a small window into how God has been working in my life recently, I hope that this is a reminder that everything you do and say may be for His glory because He deserves all the praise!
