When I First Met You
A spoken word poetry written and performed by Lizzet Arriesgado, Jazmine Daniel, and Jenica Batangan from Power to Change ministries.
Dedicated to our personal testimonies.
[Jenica]
When I first met you, you were unknown
Yet I was astonished by the wonder and power in your name.
Your warm embrace, with my fear interlaced.
It was a miracle.
Pain so unbearable to be understood, she forced a smile to reach the corners of her frail lips.
With over 5 years of remission,
yet false hope was in repetition.
[Jazmine]
When I first met you, I was beyond lost
I had made idols of what brought me temporal peace
An emptiness prevailed in me
despite filling myself up with the world
Wandering in abyss of loneliness and pain
Only Your love and compassion could bring me back again
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you”
[Lizzet]
When I first met you I was a child
desperate for love,
a child who had yet to experience
the overwhelming fulfillment of knowing and being loved by you.
I found identity in my pain,
developing an addiction to existing
in a state of melancholy and catastrophe.
I rejected any opportunities for healing and restoration,
Vindicated in my anger and hurt that I felt entitled to
I allowed the feelings of hurt to guide me into a self-imposed isolation
that set up the snare of self-sufficiency I often find myself trapped in now, as an adult.
[Jenica]
We meet again, yet I feel uncertain in the moving streets of this city,
Muffled voices mixed in with my thoughts
The boundary between who I am and who I’m not, become shattered in the questions of “why, why, why?”
“Why must I see us fall apart, like sheep without its shepherd, following one another over the cliff of darkness?”
Alienating ourselves to put our spirit to sleep,
My brain could deem any outcome impossible for my prayer to be answered with
a yes and amen.
But I simply realized that I needed to be ready for whatever was to come.
“As the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord.”
And when I keep waiting for something to happen,
thinking my vision is the only way,
I forget to stop and listen to You saying
Your plan is better.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
And when You say,
“For I know,”
that is enough for me.
[Jazmine]
Father you have stayed faithful to your promises
As only You can
The answer to every creeping doubt
Would be Your name
Jesus.
The hold that shame and fear had on me
The clutches that threatened to keep me trapped
in the sight of Your glory
Have lost their grip
Comfort beyond comfort
Warmth that cannot compare
You held me there
“And surely I am with you always to the very end of the age”
Repeats in my soul, over and over,
Knowing the God of the universe will never leave nor forsake His children,
His daughter.
[Lizzet]
My unwillingness to let go of the anger I felt so entitled to blinded me to the heavy weights I was carrying
Inhibiting my ability to love others
In my commitment to serve and follow You I have never felt more liberated
Dwelling on who You are, the lengths that You have gone to save me, how much You love me
completely overwhelms me
It encourages me to love boldly and instills a peace within me
A hope that there is more to this life than struggle, that You are faithful and steadfast in how You love me.
[Jenica]
There are many times when the word cancer seems more powerful than the one who gives peace
But then I take a breath and say,
[together]
Jesus,
The king of kings, the prince of peace, the one who will wipe away every tear, whose light is brighter than any other, whose love is simple, yet so powerful to love the imperfect version of you and I.
[Jenica]
Even when I beg and anxiety hits
And It feels like the air in my lungs are leaving and I’m no longer receiving,
I cry out, “Depart from me, all you workers of evil, for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.”
[Jazmine]
Even when all may seem lost and doubt lurks again
I remember,
“Yes my soul find rest in God; my hope comes from Him.”
[Lizzet]
Even when I feel overwhelmed and I’m quick to discredit myself,
Father, you remind me that my capacity are not rigid parameters dictated by my self doubt, but rather my abilities begin and end with you.
[together]
Amen
