If you are like me, you worry about a LOT of things.
“How do I stay on top of all my academics?”
“Am I going to get a job this time around?”
“Do I have what it takes to continue ministering to others?”
“When is it the right time to start something new?”
.
Often, the answer I keep telling myself is,
“Just keep enduring it, you’ll make it through eventually.”
“You’ll be able to rest this Sunday, so just hang in there.”
But it never feels like it is enough to keep me going.
I don’t feel like I am enough.
.
Perhaps you have some go-to bible verses to help encourage you, almost pick-me-up like:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
If this helps you out, that’s wonderful!
But for me, it feels too cheap. I simply cannot read the Bible like that, and all of a sudden feel instantly recharged.
.
In front of me still is a life full of too many things to do.
And at the same time, everything I do feels extremely disconnected from the eternity that Jesus and all the prophets described.
“What am I REALLY doing with my life? Does this even matter in the long run?”
It almost feels like I’m living in two separate worlds.
And that doesn’t sit right with me.
.
So how do I go about navigating this messy life?
I don’t really have an answer for you.
However, I would like to share what’s been going on recently, along with some scripture and key takeaways.
(As an aside: I recognize that I’m only able to provide this much. My best piece of advice if you too are feeling this? Plenty of quiet time with the Lord.)
.
The story.
During the past month, I’ve been going through my co-op application process. In the beginning, I was only slightly worried about it all, but I had enough confidence from my previous internship to march on.
I decided I’d try out a different position since I thought it’d fit my character well. The only issue was, I didn’t have any experience.
“Hopefully I can make it to the interview stage! Then I’ll be able to show them!”
But just in case things went south, I still applied to what I was experienced with, while still trying to push for a more challenging experience.
.
My interview schedule came out soon after. While I did get three interviews, none of them were what I was hoping for.
“Well, try your best with these and see what happens!”
Of these three, only one stood out to me the most, since it was a decently established company, and many students had great experiences with them in the past.
The other opportunities were definitely decent, since one was also a pretty well-known company (though the work was in a completely different area of focus), and the other offered the work I’d be willing to do (but it was a pretty new startup).
“I can definitely get by with any of them, since a lot of students shared positive experiences from all three companies.”
.
As I finished my first interview (and this was with the most promising company), I told myself:
“Definitely not my greatest, but not bad!”, trying to persuade myself that I did as best as I could.
My other two interviews took place half a week later, and for the most part, they went smoothly! At least, much better than my first interview.
However, as I expected, I wasn’t too attracted to the other two companies.
.
A day or two later, I went out for a walk to get some air, since the week was hectic.
As I was listening to my podcasts, I couldn’t help but think about how I messed up my first interview pretty badly.
During my interview, I was asked to solve a couple of technical questions. Embarrassingly, the first question (which was a warmup) took me an insane amount of time to solve. When I got to the final question, I ran out of time to solve it completely, so I scrambled to show the processes I’d do if I had the time.
This became a huge burden for me, since I thought I completely butchered this part of the interview, and so, I thought I would not get the job.
I tried to compensate by thinking of how the other interviews went, and how they could still be good opportunities (assuming I’d get an offer from them).
Of course, this was on top of all the school work that was waiting for me by the time I got home.
Throughout the rest of my walk, I struggled with thoughts of meaninglessness combined with feelings of dread and hopelessness (refer back to the top).
“God, how do I go about navigating all these things?”
.
One or two days after that, a particular podcast caught my attention.
As soon as they mentioned the book of Ecclesiastes, my eyes rolled,
“Great, the book of wisdom that talks about meaninglessness, how encouraging. 🙄”
But I continued to listen, and slowly, it turned into exactly what I needed to hear!
.
Ecclesiastes 4:4–12
“And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
Fools fold their hands and ruin themselves.
Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.
Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:
There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. ‘For whom am I toiling,’ he asked, ‘and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?’ This too is meaningless — a miserable business!
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
.
The Reflections podcast by the Bible Project went on to explain how Ecclesiastes should frame our mindset when it comes to responsibilities (and they explain it pretty well, so I recommend checking it out).
My major takeaway was this:
1. Do work well, and let that be it, not to the point of meaningless toil (in another sense, don’t just work blindly). Learn to recognize what is already around you and enjoy the simpler things.
.
This gave a lot more meaning as I recalled another passage in Matthew:
Matthew 6:25–34
“‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.
Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you — you of little faith?
So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’
For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.’”
.
It’s funny how this passage in Matthew is given the heading: “Do Not Worry”.
It’s such a simple thing, yet, a difficult thing for anyone to do! (Try telling the next person you talk to only these three words and see whether or not it really helps)
But the truth is this:
2. There’s no point in worrying about the things beyond your control as it does nothing. Leave tomorrow’s worries for tomorrow, since an individual day already has enough troubles on its own. Yet, God provides, so trust in Him!
.
Combining this with the passage from Ecclesiastes gave me clarity on how to approach work, even though there were a lot of uncertainties and an overwhelming amount of things to do.
It showed me that I can attend to my work that’s immediately in front of me, and do it well, while also not needing to worry about things beyond me, since I can leave those things to the Lord!
.
My job rankings came out a couple days after all of this.
While I didn’t get any offers (which again, is what I — wanting full control over my life — wanted), I still got a chance to submit my ranks.
I struggled once again wondering how I should rank the three different companies.
“Should I just hedge my bets and submit a high rank for one of the companies I don’t want to work for? After all, I still did decently in the interviews!”
And so I prayed, “God, provide me wisdom to make the right decision, and help me to trust your plans, which are the best for your kingdom.”
.
As I read through my results the day after, I was shocked.
In my mind, I thought I’d never get the job I was hoping for originally.
Yet, God has provided, and provided quite generously!
.
The last passage I want to share is in Matthew 7:
Matthew 7:7–12
“‘Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?
Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.’”
.
I recalled this verse, and it broke my heart as I realized this: All this time, I’ve been relying on what I can do, even if it involves things that are not within my grasp. And never once did I go to God asking for His good gifts.
To be honest, I find it extremely hard to ask others for anything.
At that moment, I thought about all the interactions I’ve had with people, especially with my dad. And it often boiled down to this: Take care of things yourself, because everyone else is too busy, so if you need someone’s help, make it as convenient as possible and as brief as possible for others.
I realized that I had also been treating my Heavenly Father in the same way: “God give me wisdom so I can go ahead and do it.”
While asking God for wisdom is indeed a good thing, I realized my posture towards Him was, “God, let me do it on my own.”
My final takeaway is this:
3. God is good and generous! You can come to Him asking for good gifts, because he is willing! Don’t treat your relationship with Him as “just another person”, but rather, you can approach Him knowing that the Lord is a perfect and loving Father!
.
I can only come out of this praising God for His goodness, and thanking Him for using this time to reveal to me these things:
Do not work to the point of meaningless toil, but rather being faithful to what is in front of you, working it well and also slowing down to enjoy the simpler things.
At the same time, recognize that God is in control, and there is no point in worrying about things that are not in your control, rather, look to what God has planned for His kingdom, and take part in that!
Finally, you can come to God asking for good gifts. He is perfect, loving, and generous!
.
Happy Thanksgiving!
.
Bonus: Read through John 15:1–17. While this passage is talking about rooting yourself in God so that you can also do good, verse 15 stood out to me the most: “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”
This was another great reminder that I don’t just toil meaninglessly in ministry, trying to do things for God, but doing them apart from God.
Yes, it’s absolutely wonderful to serve the Lord in these things, but do not do it apart from Him!
This passage revealed to me another part of my relationship with God that is lacking.
“I have called you a friend.” How wonderful is that!!
.
References: Matthew 11, Ecclesiastes 4, Matthew 6, Matthew 7
