Researcher’s Imposter Syndrome
It’s time to address the elephant in the room.
Have you ever felt like you faked it to your current job? Do you get gripped with fear each time you start new research? Do you think that you do not deserve the compliments and praise you receive for your research? Have you been scared in a meeting to speak up, afraid that people will discover the real truth about you? Do you feel the need for your work to being 100% perfect all the time? Do you blame yourself when things go the other way, even when it wasn’t your fault?
I don’t remember when was the last time I didn’t have imposter syndrome. It started with being unsure about my opinions on a given design/product discussion. I would often refrain from jumping in and contributing to a meeting, thinking others would find my contributions foolish. The feeling then slowly started creeping into the way I presented my research. I would talk myself down internally whenever I fumbled or did not articulate a finding properly. The progression was slow, but it did not stop there. I finally realised that I had imposter syndrome when I started questioning my research plans, feeling unsure about the decisions that I had taken.
When I stopped to think about why am I feeling this way? It did not make sense! I am a researcher with ‘X’ years of experience, doing well at my workplace, and I’m still getting these thoughts? So I dwelled deeper and started questioning myself.
Do I really not know what I am doing?
Have I always felt this way?
Am I the only one feeling this way?
The more I thought, the more I wanted to know more. I had heard about imposter syndrome, but I had never thought that I would experience it. So one fine day, I decided to do the thing that I do best, research. Imposter Syndrome (IP) was coined in 1978 by Psychologists Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes and is described as an “internal experience of intellectual phoniness in people who believe that they are not intelligent, capable, or creative despite evidence of high achievement.” IP can vary from person to person where it may range from mild to severe and transient to not so transient.
The more I read about it, the more I found out that it’s not uncommon. The thing about imposter syndrome is many have got it, but no one talks about it. There is a lot of secrecy around imposter syndrome. Many, including me, fear being found out, which results in an urgency to hide the ugly truth. There is also the fear of people disapproving over accepting the syndrome. As a result, many end up suffering in silence and alone.
Understanding which kind of imposter syndrome
There are five kinds of personality traits that trigger imposter syndrome. It helped me understand which type/types I am and some of the triggers that may evoke the feeling. It is possible that you might identify yourself to more than one personalities.
- The perfectionist has incredibility high expectations of themselves and might crumble if the slightest mistake is made.
- The natural genius is used to getting things done seamlessly and is now struggling to overcome a hurdle. He/she is now harbouring self-doubt and shame.
- The soloist dislikes asking others for help because if they do, they’re not a true expert.
- The super person puts in hours of work with little time off and has to succeed in every avenue of their life to prove themselves to the world.
- The expert pursues continuous training and certification because they never truly feel qualified.
“I have written 11 books, but each time I think, ‘uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.” — Maya Angelou
As a researcher, however, imposter syndrome hits different. It is not just about our inner thinking but the environment as well. We are constantly questioned about the sample size in the study, the method we chose, the way recommendations are given, etc. We also work with a lot of information, information that can be quite contradicting in nature. Methods change, new methods evolve, and we need to keep ourselves updated about it. Such situations weigh a lot on us as researchers. We are a bunch who do not refrain from asking questions, but this quality makes us question ourselves constantly.
There are days when I question my product expertise, and then there are other days when I question my basic research skills. Some weeks I am super confident, and some weeks I dwell on each question in the discussion guide. Finally, I question myself as a user researcher.
I started my journey of addressing my imposter syndrome by identifying the personality. But it doesn’t end there. Here are some of the examples of how I eased this feeling of being an imposter.
When I am feeling under confident about myself before a meeting
- I do the Super Women pose for about a minute or two before the meeting, especially when presenting. Power poses help reducing anxiety and improves assertiveness and confidence.
- I do breathing exercises regularly to reduce stress and anxiety.
- Doing yoga regularly also helps reduce anxiety and focuses on breath work.
When I am feeling unsure about myself to bring up my opinion in a meeting
- I remind myself that I am the voice of the user and subject matter expert.
- I share my thoughts with a trusted co-worker in chat and ask for their feedback when I am highly unsure.
- I type my point of view in the meeting chat and then bring it up in the conversation once it moves to that particular topic.
When I do not trust my research skills
- I go back to basics. I read about research and realise that I do know what I am doing.
- I also adopt a growth mindset and actively look for opportunities to learn.
- Focus on the facts and look back at my track record.
About 70% of the world’s population is estimated to have experienced imposter syndrome at least once in their life. We all have felt this way at some point or the other. I hope this post has helped you with some ways of keeping this surprisingly common condition from dampening your pursuit of knowledge.
These are just starting points, but the conversation has begun. I am interested in knowing what other researchers do in such scenarios.
Want to keep the conversation going? Connect with me here, or comment to share your experiences and tips.
