My formidable food opponent.

Philippine Airlines is Trying to Kill You

Benjamin Caro
Sep 5, 2015 · 3 min read

Last year, I went on a trip to Asia. Where do I start? I’ll start at the beginning.

This was the first international flight I’d taken in awhile, a flight that lasted 14 hours. I was going to be backpacking, so I didn’t bring a lot of entertainment options. I just let them pummel me with whatever cinematic glory they pumped through the cabin screens (It was Her, because I’m lucky). In fact, I limited myself to bringing something to read, a notebook (like, made of paper), and a Doritos bag that I wanted to bring in perfect condition to my friend Rebecca who was hosting me in Shanghai. I treated that Doritos bag like it like a fragile, malleable sculpture made of squishy, gold. Squishy, cheesy gold.

Actual footage of me on the plane.

Let’s talk about Philippine Airlines. Even a seasoned, nearly zombie-fied video editor like myself has to admit: sitting for 14 hours is a challenge. I do believe that the airline lead everybody in some miniscule hand and feet-stretching exercises (let’s call it metacarpal Crossfit), so A+ for that. The very polite flight attendant had an interesting vernacular, in that she used the word “please” with total abandon. “Thanks for putting on your seatbelt, please,” was a phrase I heard. “Please, would you like another cookie, please?” Can one just say please anytime they want and become a better person? It’s something to please try, please.

I had a cookie with my last meal, but still the attendant came down the aisle. “Would you like one more cookie? We have more.” Anybody who knows me knows I would never turn down a scrumptious cookie. Fine, I’ll take it. Philippine Airlines is trying to kill me, I thought.

We made it. Manila!

Luckily, I made it out alive. As we landed, I checked the Doritos bag. It was plump, probably like me. I put away Do Travel Writers Go to Hell?, a surprisingly stressful book, and was ready to transfer to my next flight to Shanghai, ready for the next leg of the journey.

I had a cookie with my last meal, but still the attendant came down the aisle. “Would you like one more cookie? We have more.” Anybody who knows me knows I would never turn down a scrumptious cookie. Fine, I’ll take it. Philippine Airlines is trying to kill me, I thought.

Luckily, I made it out alive. As we landed, I checked the Doritos bag. It was plump, probably like me. I put away Do Travel Writers Go to Hell?, a surprisingly stressful book, and was ready to transfer to my next flight to Shanghai, ready for the next leg of the journey.

Suddenly, the attendant returns holding handfuls of cookies. “Please, take one more cookie, please! We have so many leftover! Please, please!” What the hell? Would you calm down?

I worked up my courage. I’m allowed to say no, I’m allowed to say no, I’m allowed to say no…


Originally published at www.vagrant-tourist.com on August 30, 2015.

Vagrant Tourist

A derelict travel blog and YouTube channel.

Benjamin Caro

Written by

Writer/director working on bringing the short film “Cathedrals” to life. See what we’re doing to help the blind! www.bit.ly/cathedralsmovie

Vagrant Tourist

A derelict travel blog and YouTube channel.

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