We are morally good because we are good to each other. Not because we tried to be normal.
There is so much pressure in various marginalized groups to prove it’s not our “fault” we are certain ways — fat, trans, gay, bisexual, etc.
We feel we have to prove we are healthy fat people. Or genetically fat people. Because it wasn’t our “fault”.
We feel we have to find a gay gene or show how our trans brains are different from cis people’s.
We feel we have to show our health conditions were not our fault.
We feel we have to beg for safety by proving we did not make choices to be different.
I’m here to tell you that is not reasonable. We do not have to be uninvolved in our marginalized identities for them to be valid.
It’s not our fault because there is no fault.
It’s okay to be same-gender-attracted, even if you woke up one day and went “I am going to like women now, and not men.”
I don’t know if that’s how it ever works, but you know what, I don’t care. Is there a gay gene? Is there not? That’d be kinda neat to know, but I don’t need to know it to know that being gay, bi, pan, etc. is okay, beautiful, valid and wonderful.
You don’t have to have “tried” to be straight to be validly gay, or have tried to be sexual to be validly asexual. If it’s possible to choose one way or another, you can choose to be not-straight and that is okay. You deserve love, care, validation, safety.
You don’t have to want to be cis to be validly trans, for your transition needs to be valid and worth fulfilling. For your gender to be real and worth respecting. You can have woken up one day and said “meh fuck this gender, I choose another one” and you deserve love, care, validation, safety.
You don’t have to be a healthy fat person to deserve love, validation, care, safety.
You don’t have to have done everything you can as a sick person to deserve validation, love, care, safety. You are not morally wrong if you somehow did cause your physical or mental illness.
Morality is painted onto these experiences. “We’ll consider accepting you if you prove it wasn’t your doing.”
Sorry not sorry, but no. That’s not reasonable.
I’m here to tell you that you can choose to be gay, be fat from eating more than you needed to, be ill because you put yourself at some risk or another — — You still are a person who deserves love, care, safety.
Marginalization isn’t okay if you weren’t responsible for how you got there.
Marginalizing a group of people is the choice of those oppressing them. That is the only choice that has morality involved in it.
Are you being good to other people? Then you are good.
There is nothing harming others about you being sick, queer, or fat.
Maybe it affects other people. Maybe it affects them in a second hand version of how it affects you, because they love you. Still the choice of those oppressing you.
We all deserve to live our lives, and live well, and feeling we have to prove we were powerless to become part of a group just means we’ve been told it’s morally wrong to be part of that group, over and over.
And maybe you have to prove these things to your bigoted family, job, or government.
But you don’t have to prove them to me. Take a break. Breathe in that you deserve to live and live WELL, and people exist who believe that. We’re fighting for you. And for ourselves.
Be kind to others. That is morality. Not fitting social standards.
Love to you.