This Is Erasure

I am the survivor of multiple mental and physical illnesses. I require a treatment team who I meet with regularly, and it has become a staple in my life. But I am also trans, and something happened yesterday during my regular meeting with my psychiatrist, and I refuse to stay quiet about it.

I was notified that my name on my chart is being changed back to my deadname, my gender is being changed back to female, and my sexuality reverted to heterosexual.

Why?

Because my practice is worried that keeping the true identities of queer patients on our charts may jeopardize our accessibility to care with the new administration.

I have been told over and over how I need to “cheer up” and that it’s “not that bad.” But so many horrible things have happened in my life since the election, that I cannot even articulate due to the severity. But this was pure insult to injury.

It has taken me so long to figure out who I really am, and as soon as I started to feel comfortable in my own skin, it feels like I am being shoved back into the closet — so I can be safe, receive the care I need, and be respected as a human being. Because my true identity, apparently, is a threat.

This is not a joke.

This is not “minor.”