The New Rules of Submitting To Me

A Femdom’s Requirements for Acceptable Service

As a single domme I get a lot of questions about what I look for in taking on new submissives to serve me as a lifestyle dominant. So I decided to lay out some rules for what is required should one wish to be successful under my keep. In no particular order:

1. You will bring me a burrito.

2. You will carry my dungeon bag. Remark on how heavy it is at your own peril.

3. If you’re super particular, you will bring your own dildo.

4. You don’t own a dildo? What do I look like, your ass-concierge?

5. In order to flake out on me, your resulting excuse must be typed double spaced and then printed, which you will then eat in front of me. You have to chew and swallow all of the pages in their entirety or the excuse isn’t valid.

6. You will message me at least once a day. Simply sending me mildly amusing gifs is acceptable.

7. You will bring me a donut. Anything filled with custard would be to your advantage.

8. Sleepovers after scening are mandatory; you’re not finished until I’ve stolen all of your precious body heat to warm my blankets.

9. I don’t want you to clean my house, but it would be nice to be asked.

10. Not in to giving oral? Leave the burrito on the table and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

11. I am Miss or my first name, not Mistress, not Ma’am. Goddess is fine, but I’ll expect an offering of lamb or some other cuddly and edible animal on my doorstep by each Friday.

12. Text me in complete words. Inappropriate abbreviations will receive a cane stroke for each missing letter.

13. The punishment for minor protocol infractions is 30 seconds of uninhibited access to your junk. Because reasons.

14. The punishment intermediate protocol infractions is being blindfolded and forced to listen to the newest episode of your favorite show while I paddle you and shout SPOILER ALERT.

15. The punishment for major protocol infractions is standing in the absurdly long line for Tartine Bakery on Saturday to fetch a tres leches cake, while wearing a butt plug that is one size too big. Upon presentation, the cake should have iced on it, “If it pleases you, Miss,” in a fine script.

16. Stay on top of your chastity device maintenance. Neither of us will enjoy the trip to Home Depot to find a rasp because you “forgot” and went swimming at Baker Beach and now the lock sticks.

17. While I enjoy both, expressing a disproportionately more voracious appetite for rimming than for eating pussy will automatically enroll you in the reconditioning program.

18. Attending a fetish event with me is an earned privilege. Act up and I will hitch you to the railing and go have fun by myself.

19. I get the final say on pizza toppings and the Netflix Queue. You can have purview over the Spotify playlist, the next bar we go to, the last bite of dessert, and which size of dildo I use today, I’m just that nice.

20. At least pretend to like the underwear I picked out for you, please? It matches the socks!

If you are willing and able to observe the above rules, are housebroken, exothermic, and a Very Good Boy, please have your people call my people and we’ll work something out.