1.) The Prelude
All right peeps, gather around.
First off thank you for tuning in to the first installment of my new blog, “Van Gogh’s Ear”. That’s a really cool thing of you to do and I think you are super awesome. Secondly, and the overall purpose of The Prelude, is to ask you, you, or whoever the hell is reading this if you would please allow myself to introduce…myself. For the sake of the rest of this blog I’ll assume that you answered in the affirmative. So since it’s cool with you, I shall proceed.
The name is Ry Jay Louis and I have absolutely ZERO ‘credibility’ pertaining to basically every single topic that I intend to scribble on here. Legit.
Side Note: If people actually cared about credibility then our pals at the World Wide Leader in Sports would be out of business. And ESPN is def not out of business, so fuck it, bare with me….
Jesus, where was I going with this?
Right, right, I was introducing, rather, attempting to introduce myself to you beautiful, beautiful humans. We’re about 120+ words deep and if you’re still reading this Heineken-induced (sponsor!!!) nonsense then wow, I love you so much. You are spectacular, don’t ever change, yo.
Like I said my name is Ryan. I am 23 years old and a prospective scribbler of words. See, I have these thoughts — these opinions. An endless chain of them festering throughout my brain like a hungry-ass tape worm. If you’re familiar with the work of a tape worm then you understand my need to find a solution. To find an outlet or a platform where I can vent because my buddies can only handle so much of my drunken rants. You get some alcohol in me and I instantly lose the cognitive function that controls my capability to be wrong. Ever. It’s a blessing and a curse though. On one hand, the better hand, for two nights every week I am literally the smartest guy on Planet Earth. Sans Tom Brady of course. The place is fucking sweet, you should check it out. Unfortunately there is another hand…. because like God. A place where my pretentious, incoherent ramblings are absolutely, positively the worst thing ever. Like dude shut up, Ryan. Open your eyes and make sense for me one time, yo.
***I’ll set the scene***
Group of BFF’S hanging:
Friend A: That chick was hot
Friend B: Ya totes dude.
Friend A: I think she wanted me
Friend B: She didn’t even see you sooooo nah you’re cooked.
Friend C: Hey you guys think that humans actually built the pyramids?
Me: YOO fskjdhfjk pyramids hdfdjkh George Bush fdhsjkfdshkj Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain fdhjkdshfds Jon Snow is still alive fdgkgkppigjsssgfg…
Friends A, B & C: OH JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!
That doesn’t seem all that annoying to me, idk.
Sooooo ya, I currently reside as well as hail from a magical black-hole of a city. A land where you can experience the most wonderfully chaotic time of your life whilst simultaneously and unknowingly have every single one of your dreams and aspirations fade away into a dark oblivion. Yep, you guessed correctly- That’s Quincy, Massachusetts ladies & gents- fucking God’s Country.
I understand that whoever has been delightful enough to have made it this far are probably asking themselves the same question. “Who the heck is Ryan Louis? Who the FUCK is this fellow that has successfully duped me into wasting like 90 seconds out of my day?” — — Well, that is a fantastic question. Deserving of some profound, self-analyzation of my soul. You are my favorite person ever so you truly deserve that. Unfortunately, that’s not happening tonight- One too many Heinekens (sponsor?!?!) for that soul searching shit. So for now my answer to your marvelous inquiry will leave you tremendously underwhelmed…
Somebody once said, I think it was Hank Moody, that the best stories usually start from the beginning so sure, that seems like a decent strategy…I began my 23 year journey as an adorable bi-racial baby, turned child prodigy, turned pain in the ass, turned ‘Kick the Can’ GOAT, turned great student, turned jock, turned pot-head, turned terrible student, turned pot-head jock, turned irrationally confident aspirations of playing professional ball, turned high school graduate (still bi-racial by the way), turned college student(average)-athlete(excellent), turned (above average)college student, turned pivotal part of the Massachusetts work force. Somewhere in between “irrationally confident aspirations of playing professional ball” & “high school graduate” I realized that sharing my opinion on various shit was funner than a motherfucker. Almost as enjoyable as splashing a 3-ball in the eye of that ass-hole who thinks he runs shit at the neighborhood court. Every court has one. If you don’t agree with me then consider yourself exposed, bud.
So boom. That’s me in a nutshell, I think.
Quick shout to ma dukes. She’s probably the only one who has made it this far. The shout out is def necessary.
Going forward I have absolutely zero clue about what I plan to do with this. Don’t know what or how often I’ll write. I think about some random-ass shit so who the fuck knows what will make it’s way from my brain on to the internet. Whatever or whenever i do post something there is a possibility that you might hate it so much that you start a petition to kick me off the internet forever. There is aslo a possibilty that you may actually enjoy it (←That’d be dope, choose that one). The former being the most likely scenario though. I accept that.
Oh damn I am out of beer so now out of time. Feel free to share, retweet, comment, talk shit, feedback, give me money, i don’t fuckin know…. Do something
“That’s all it was Kanye, we still love Kanye. And I love you like Kanye loves Kanye” - Kanye West