5 Speed Dating Tips (aka I Went Speed Dating & Didnt Make Any Girls Cry)

For the first time in my life, I was going to try speed dating. It was a travel-themed speed dating event by Fastlife, a company now owned by Plenty Of Fish. Truth be told, I had to fight every impulse to turn around and walk away. I felt nervous as hell and wanted to turn around and just walk away. It was Friday night and there were a plethora of alternative activities that sounded more appealing. You know, meet up with friends for drinks, go watch a movie or even visit a dentist for a root canal.

Its good to step out of your comfort zone, so I knew I had to see it through. I ordered a drink from the bar and nervously made awkward small talk with the cute bartender. The place was empty and somewhat non-descript probably a good thing, as I didnt want too many witnesses see me make a fool out of myself.

A couple of people showed up and sat at a nearby table. I want to go say hi but froze. Most people, especially in Vancouver dont make conversations with strangers on a daily basis, so it felt surreal and uncomfortable. I took a big gulp of my beer and mustered up the courage to go approach them.

At this stage, there were 3 people at the table, 2 men and a woman. We introduced ourselves and almost immediately, my nerves disappeared. They were just friendly people, looking to have a fun night and to meet singles. We swapped travel stories, which is always fun to do. If theres one subject I can never get bored of, its travel.

Things were going really well! Ok, granted that I was mostly talking to the two guys and sort of ignoring the girl. The thought did occur to me that I might have been doing speed dating wrong.

Rachel the host came by to say that we would be starting a little late, as a couple of people were running late. I was relieved as it gave me more time to warm up my social skills (and actually start talking to women).

The last few people turned up and we got started. There were 10 men and women. The women were each seated at different numbered tables, and the men had 8 minutes at each table before a bell would ring, to signal we had to move. It was like musical chairs, except the music never stopped and no chairs are taken away. (Ok, maybe wasnt really like musical chairs but it kinda felt like it). After talking to each person, we had to tick a yes box if we wanted to see the person again. If both people ticked yes, then theyd each receive an email with their matches contact details the next day.

It was rather fascinating. I felt a bit awkward at the first table, as I was still warming up. The second table was a little bizarre as the person ahead of me was very reluctant to move (I guess it must have been love at first sight for him). By the third table I was having fun and enjoying myself. Speed dating is a bit like doing hot yoga, its a bit scary before you start but after you warm up, you quickly get into the zone. Even better, with speed dating theres no sweating!

At the time, I thought 8 minutes was too short. But in retrospect, its plenty of time to tell if you want to see the other person again or not. To be able to have 8 minutes of undivided time from another person, without any distractions can really insightful. Body language communicates a wealth of information and it affects how we perceive attraction or as they say, chemistry. The person I had initially considered most attractive in the room wasnt all that interesting to talk to and didnt even seem all that present. By the end of the eight minutes, it was clear that we werent compatible.

What I was a little surprised was that everyone scurried off right after the event finished. I thought it would have been the perfect opportunity to mingle some more, now that we had all broken the ice.

Other Thoughts

Compared with online dating, I feel that speed dating is far superior. With speed dating, people are offline, theres a vested interest to be present and its an efficient use of time for anyone who has a busy life. You may risk paying for an event and not meeting anyone interesting, which would obviously be frustrating. But at least youd be getting out of comfortable zone and exercising your social skills. Realistically though, I dont think you can just go one time to a speed-dating event and expect to meet the love of your life.

With online dating, people may look good on paper but there seems to be a divide between online and offline compatibility. Not only that but we receive artificial validation from online communication. What that means is that the reward centre of our brains are triggered every time we get a notification that someone wants to meet us or we receive a message. Although in theory online dating has a much wider network of available potential partners, we may have less motivation to actually go meet any of them.

Tips

1. Come early. Itll give you time to settle down and mingle.
2. Be present. If you cant focus for 8 minutes, thats a problem.
3. Have fun and be fun. Itll make everyone feel more comfortable. And besides, no one likes a Negative Nellie.
4. Have realistic expectations but make the most of time. You have a captive audience for 8 minutes at a time. Even if youre not interested in the person, see it as an opportunity to practise your flirting abilities with the opposite sex.
5. Try to stay behind at the end of the event to mingle further. It could even be a good opportunity to move on to another bar together and chat up more strangers.

Conclusion

I ended up ticking yes to 5 women. Of those 5, three ended up being matches. I also received an email saying that I had achieved Elite member status because apparently I received a high number of yes votes, overall. If that was a marketing ploy, it totally worked! Id definitely consider doing another event in the future.

Disclaimer: My ticket to this Fastlife speed-dating event was complementary. All opinions are obviously my own.

Originally published at web-beta.archive.org.