How to Deal With Bosses Who Don’t Give You What You Need

Have the balls to leave.

When I first started out as a writer, I landed a ghostwriting gig. It wasn’t my dream job, but I was getting paid for real work.

There was just one problem: my “boss” was a monster. He treated his people like garbage. The only feedback we received was nit-picking and complaints. Even when I would produce a quality article, I would receive a long list of reasons why it wasn’t up to snuff.

From this experience I learned a valuable lesson: you need something more from your employer than just a paycheck. You need to know that they approve of what you do.

If you lack this kind of support, you have to be honest with yourself. Things need to change or it won’t last.

Although it may not feel like it, work is a relationship. A strange one, but a relationship nonetheless. Like every other relationship, it’s a two-way street. You give them something they need, and they do it in return.

Many offices can feel like dysfunctional families. The boss is a parent that neglects his children. Or worse, abuses them. Much like a real family, this leads to misery.

You need to know that the people you work for are happy with what you do. Constructive criticism is required, many times necessary. But without any indication that your boss approves of you, the relationship is doomed to fail.

Knowing what you want does not make you needy. This is so much more than “positive reinforcement.”

I’m not saying we need constant approval to buoy our fragile egos. Sometimes we need our asses kicked. But even those criticisms come with the knowledge that you’re an important member of the team.

There’s a difference between someone with low self-worth and a confident professional. And the work is going to prove that. All of us need to know how we’re doing, regardless of our self-esteem. Enduring in a toxic environment will eventually lead to bad results. You might lose that job, anyway.

You need to know your boss is happy with your work. What if it’s been weeks, even months, without a smile from the boss man (or woman)? There are a few things you can do.

Speak Up

Most companies have HR departments just for this sort of thing. Be honest and humble about what you’re dealing with. Most people will sympathize with someone just being honest. It can help the company realize an area that needs improvement. You might even bring to their attention a crappy boss.

If you’re a freelancer, things are a little different. You’ll have to speak with the client directly. There will be a temptation to keep things the way they are, in fear that you might lose some work. But like I said before, if things don’t change, the relationship will end.

Speaking up, in this case, can be as simple as asking for their feedback. A client that regularly shares negative comments with you can be encouraged to express what they like about your work. Simply asking them in a non-threatening, honest manner can have a powerful effect.

But if none of this seems to be producing good results, there’s something else you can do…

End the Relationship

Ouch, I know it hurts. But there comes a time when we know the end is near.

This is just what happened with my ghost-writing gig. It all came to a head when I got an email eviscerating one of my projects. My boss questioned my competence as a creator, my know-how in the subject matter, even picked apart little things to emphasize his disgust. I reached a point where I had to end my relationship with this person, simply to save my sanity.

What I was experiencing was unprofessional, insulting, and provided no means to better myself. I was simply working with what amounted to an angry school teacher, who prided himself on belittling others. No one can thrive in that environment.

The sad reality is some bosses understand this entirely, but choose not to validate you. They do this because they believe that fear is a better motivator. In a word, they’re bullies.

An empowered, confident employee will do well. They might even get promoted. Cowardly bosses can’t have that! So, they work very hard to oppress you. The only option is to leave.

As a professional, you need to thrive in your work. You need to grow in your abilities, moving from a novice to a pro to a master. This can only happen in work relationships that offer both criticism and validation.

Don’t be afraid. Speak up. You’re worth some compliments.