Molly Rose ‘Cheese & Onion Crisps Lip Balm’

Cheese and onion flavoured lip balm

Pros: Unusual, handmade/supports small business, fun, good moisturizing balm, fair value, funny gift, huge range of flavours available

Cons: Smell is overwhelmingly awful, not something I’d go out in, a one-off and not particularly cheesey, melts way too easily

I was browsing on Etsy and found this cheese and onion crisps flavoured vegan lipbalm and… before I knew what I was doing I had hit that purchase button and handed over some loose change to try it out. I also bought the smoky bacon flavour because… why not?

Molly Rose Balms offers a range of bizarre flavours, including some that actually sound well, kind of awesome. Like cheesecake and sweet things that we’re far more used to and far more likely to be keen to put in a place that will likely end up being tasted by ourselves if not our significant others. Other crazy flavours include Hawaiian pizza, ice cream and pickles, whisky, tea and biscuits, and rotten rose (not sure what that means). They’re all handmade and organic, and I love buying things from hobby crafters across the world, so I was very keen to try it out and share the love.

I love cheese and onion crisps. It has been years, buts the lure of those two flavours continually causes me to search online for vegan replacements (so far, I’ve only been able to find Ten Acre crisps from England who do not yet ship to Australia, but if you do know of an Australian-accessible version please let me know). Walkers, pickled onion monster munch and even just sour cream and chives – which I consider a sort of version of cheese and onion – the combination is not one to be missed.

It took about 10 days to come and when it came in the post, in the Australian winter, it had already melted a little in its plastic tube and the smell was overwhelming. I actually retched. It was pungent. The cheese and onion flavoured one was a slightly yellow colour, and the bacon had a big streak of brown. I was not keen. It then went, in its little plastic bag, into the fridge for about five weeks before I mustered the courage to put it near my face let alone my mouth.

The smell of this lip balm is far from the tangy slightly-sweet salty smell of the crisps I adore – instead all I could smell was a strong sourness and perhaps something slightly chemical.

The listing describes it as “STRONG onions and cheese flavour coats deliciously fried potato crisps. Not for the faint-hearted!” So I was at least warned ahead of time and have only myself to blame if I couldn’t bear it.

Molly advertises them as smooth, creamy and non-greasy. And so, ignoring the scent – and admitting that I have a very sensitive sense of smell – I decided to try on the lip balm to try both the taste and the actual functioning of the balm.

The listing had warned about the potential melting, but I wasn’t much fussed – it apparently keeps the same and only the shape is altered, so I decided to remain unconcerned. I also elected not to use the ice pack with it, which is an option if you’re concerned about this happening. It meant that the tube itself was a little waxy from the melting.

There were a couple of online reviews about the bacon one (positive), but I couldn’t see any for the cheese and onion. It appears that she markets them towards guys, as you can get this one in a $12 “Dude lip balm three pack”.

So I opened it up a few weeks later, having kept it in the fridge to completely re-solidify.

This actually made the smell die down a little too, and while it wasn’t a pleasant smell it wasn’t unbearable. I held my breath, put it on and licked my lips. It was… actually not that bad! There wasn’t a cheese flavour that I could really taste, which was disappointing, but it was certainly oniony, right in the back of the throat. Sort of like a fried shallots taste, rather than a fresh onion taste.

And then, the biggest surprise, it actually felt really good! It was smooth and made my lips silky, though not glossy (which I personally think is a good thing), and wasn’t greasy either. I was thrilled.

I adore vegan lip balms, so in this respect I have plenty to compare it with (currently in regular use are Lush’s Ultrabalm, Sukin’s Nourishing Lip Treatment and Natio’s Shea Butter). I occasionally wear a vegan lipstick, but I wouldn’t be far from a balm at any time.

Comparatively (and bearing in mind these three are far more expensive than Molly Rose Balms), my favourite is the Lush Ultrabalm as it can be used on any bit of skin – kind of like Lucas’ PawPaw ointment, which I haven’t been able to confirm is cruelty free or not so I avoid. It’s a little gritty, so gets rid of the loose skin, and includes just three simple and natural ingredients. My sister got it for me at Christmas and there’s still a ton left despite my pretty much daily usage, so it’s definitely top of my list. However, I’d say Molly (other than the bizarre flavour) comes in at joint second for texture, being most like the Natio Shea Butter in the way it feels and doing basically the same job in moisturizing my lips. I should love the Sukin more than I do, but it’s a bit thick for me and I save it for days my lips are really chapped.

Clearly I was actually pretty impressed with the texture. However, the thought of walking around smelling like onions was too much for me, so I wiped it off. I also tried the bacon one (which is organic as well as vegan) and was surprised that it tasted… bearable. I can’t say I’ll be wearing it out anytime soon, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be – there was no retching or running for soy milk.

The price

If you want an ice pack it comes at an additional $20 cost, which I couldn’t justify for a purchase on a whim and for the fun of it. They’re about $(US)5 each, which I thought for something handmade and gimmicky was acceptable. For a 15 oz, or 4.25 gram tube, which is actually quite a lot, it’s not terrible value.

As I shipped two of them, it cost $8 in shipping fees ($7 per tube, plus $1 for each extra). They were coming from Maryland in the United States. With a cost all up of $(US)18 for the two balms, it’s not hugely cheap – but if you’re overseas it might be better. Compared to the Lush balm and the Sukin balm, however, it is probably competitive in pricing to other higher-end vegan products in Australia.

For one of the more subtle tastes as an amusing gift (I have citrus almond and kiwi on my radar) I wouldn’t mind buying again – it wasn’t a total Regretsy and the balm actually works quite well.

The ingredients

Cocoa butter, coconut oil, vegetable wax, natural flavors, iron oxide (colour).

The bacon one is organic, but the cheese and onion crisps one is not.

They ship to Australia.